Owen

Overcoming Fears

"Nan! Pops!" I yelled into the house.

I was trying my damn hardest to crawl my way out of my bed.

"Nan!"

I still wasn't completely convinced I could transfer at my house alone even though I'd gotten pretty decent at getting off the floor and back up. Every time I thought I'd try it, memories of being helpless and pinned came flooding back and any confidence I had plummeted.

"NAN!"

Apparently she couldn't hear me.

And I was sick of laying there waiting. I blew out a breath, wiggling myself to the edge of the bed. I placed one foot on the floor after another.

Was I really going to do this?

My heart was beating out of my chest.

"NAN!"

I looked at my chair, there was no way I could do it. Not alone. Not here.

Therapy was one thing.

I wasn't alone at therapy.

When I missed someone was there.

I closed my eyes, tipping my head back as I leaned back on my hands. I just wanted some sort of independence. Getting into my chair by myself would be a hell of a step toward that.

I needed someone to tell me I could do it.

Maybe.

I leaned over, pulling the drawer open to the table beside my bed. I fished through the junk blindly, my fingers finding a piece of paper. I sat back up, staring at the little piece of pink paper.

I wondered if she'd answer. And even if she did I wondered if she'd stay on the phone once she knew it was me.

There was only one way to find out.

So as my heart pounded in my chest and my chair sat there waiting, I dialed her number and hit send. I put my phone to my ear, my heart beat drowning out the ringing. She wouldn't answer. It was Mina. There was no way.

"Hello?" Her voice came through the speaker crystal clear.

"You answered." I blurted, my eyes wide.

"Who is this?"

I could already hear the annoyance in her voice. Funny thing was, it calmed my thundering heart slightly.

"It's..uh..Owen. Savas." I stammered. I didn't want her to hang up on me.

I heard her let out a breath. "And why are you calling me Owen?"

"I...um..." I hadn't actually thought about what I'd say when she answered. I didn't think I'd get that far. "I'm..staring at my chair."

I shook my head, why was being so awkward?

"I'm on my bed, staring at my chair." I tried again. "And I'm just..."

"Scared." She finished for me.

I let out a small laugh. "Yeah, my grandma's not around."

"You don't need her." She told me. "Trust yourself."

I didn't though that was the problem. How could I? I couldn't feel half my body.

"Do exactly what you do in therapy. Besides you're strong enough now, if you miss, you can get yourself back up."

I knew she was right. Or at least I wanted to believe her. But what if it wasn't as easy here as it was at therapy. I was silent on the line, staring at my chair, letting Mina's words rattle around in my head.

"Owen, you've got it." I could hear her rustling around.

"What're you doing?" I asked.

I needed a distraction.

"Talking to you." She sounded exasperated with me.

I smiled.

"No what's all the noise?"

She blew out a breath. "I'm cooking and I was trying to study. You're interrupting me."

"You didn't have to answer." I said with a laugh.

"I didn't know it was you."

"Does that mean you'll never answer my calls now?"

"If this turns out to be a regular thing then yes." She was completely serious.

"So mean."

"You'll live."

I laughed, my eyes still on my chair. I didn't feel any better about transferring.

"Listen Owen." I heard water turn on in the background. "I'm busy."

"Right, yeah. Sorry." I brushed my hair back with my hand, I felt a little defeated.

"You can do it." Her tone softened just a fraction. "Trust me."

She hung up, not giving me time to tell her I was scared to trust her. What if she was wrong?  If I missed again, I wasn't sure I'd ever try again. I put my phone in my hoodie pocket, releasing a strained breath.

Trust Mina.

I'd done it before. Multiple times. But it was always when she was there to help. Did I trust her even when she wasn't here?

I pulled my chair as close to my bed as I could, locking the wheels. Was I really doing this?

"Come on Owen. You got this." I mumbled to myself.

Trust Mina.

I reached for the far side of my chair with my left arm, wiggling myself to the very edge of the bed.

"Count of three." I said more out of habit than for anything else. "1..2.." I sucked in a breath. Moment of truth "3".

I mustered all my strength to shove my body off the bed, over the small gap between surfaces, and into my chair. I landed with a thud, my heart beating erratically in my chest. A triumphant smile spread across my face as I looked down at where I sat.

I did it.

I fucking did it.

I lifted my left foot and then my right on to the foot rests, taking a moment to catch my breath and relish in my victory. I pulled my phone from my pocket, saving Mina's number before I pulled up a new text thread.

Me: you were right

My smile spread, if that was even possible, as I watched the three little dots pop up. Nan knocked on my door, opening a second later.

"Are you ready..." Her words died on her lips as I looked at her.

My phone vibrated in my hand, instantly drawing my attention to Mina's response.

Mina: when am I not?

I chuckled, slipping my phone back in my pocket. I unlocked my wheels, turning back to Nan.

"So what's for breakfast?" I asked, wheeling myself past her.

I knew I shouldn't get too ahead of myself. But I felt good. I felt a little less helpless. And maybe, I could figure out a way to navigate this new life. Mina seemed to think I could. And even though trusting her sort of terrified the shit out of me, it was easier to trust her than myself.

                              ————————

Who watches Game of Thrones here? Every Sunday night the hubs and I watch season 8. And every Sunday night I sleep like shit because I have Game of Thrones dreams 😂. I'm sort of freaking out. Who's gonna live? Who's gonna die? Why didn't Brienne get it on with Tormund?!