Owen

Prick

The worst thing about Michigan was not it's winters. It was the lack of overall sunshine throughout winter that actually gets you. Today had been no exception. It had snowed off and on, the sky gray, frozen mud peeking up through the patches of snow left over from a recent thaw. The wind bit at exposed skin, lungs freezing up as they tried to inhale sub zero air.

Michigan and I were a lot in common these days.

Depressing and dark.

Maybe this was rock bottom.

Was this my low?

I had convinced Nan that therapy had straight up worn me out. As soon as we were home she shuffled me away to my room, curtains drawn tight, lights out, door shut.

I had grown to like it. The quiet. Being alone. It was the one time that I didn't have to hold back. I cried more often than I'd ever admit to anyone. I knew it was pathetic. I was pathetic.

I was dreading going back to school, my start date slowly ticking closer. With each day that passed more anxiety settled in my bones. It made me even more agitated, more discouraged, more angry. Which I hadn't realized was possible.

And to top it all off, this morning I had the dumb idea that I could get myself from my bed to my wheelchair alone. I'd done it a handful of times at therapy. Granted Sarah was always right there, ready to assist or give me a little lift. I didn't think she helped as much as she apparently did.  So this morning I wound up falling to the ground. My right arm had failed me. Which didn't surprise me all that much. I should have known better. I should have waited for Nan. Instead I wound up yelling her name over and over until she burst through my door in a panic only to find my crippled useless ass wedged between my bed and chair, a mess of helpless limbs.

It had pretty much solidified my mood for the rest of day.

Even Sarah had stopped trying to push sunshine and happiness on me. Something I thought would never happen.

A soft knock radiated from my door, the handle twisting followed by a sliver of artificial light slicing my room in half.

"Love, your brother will be here soon." Nan said in way of greeting.

I rolled my head to the side, staring at the wall. I didn't want to see Jase. Jase was going to be obnoxious and irritating and pushy. I wasn't in the mood.

"I know you're not asleep." She said, flicking on the light beside my head.

The bed dipped, my crippled body rolling with it. Nan ran her fingers through my hair, the tension in my body receding for the moment as I took comfort in the action.

"Let's get you up before he gets here, huh?"

I wondered if she knew I didn't actually nap. Sometimes I did but a lot of times I used a nap as an excuse to just get away from everything and everyone.

"Let go of today Love, tomorrow will be better." She whispered.

I couldn't let go of today though. Today blew any confidence I was building in myself to pieces. I felt even more defeated than I had since my accident. I didn't think that was possible yet here I was.

Nan planted a kiss on my forehead, the bed creaking as she pushed herself upright.

"Okay, come on now."

———————

Half way through dinner and Jase's never ending talk about me like I wasn't even there, I threw a fork. I had intended to hit him. Instead it landed in the homemade mashed potatoes Nan had made earlier that day. My rogue fork did however start an all out war between Jase and I, Brandy just an innocent bystander of our sibling feud.