Owen

An Epipheny

I buckled my seat belt, tipping my head back against the head rest as I let out a sigh. I was exhausted.

"We got a couple hours before your practice starts. Do you want to go home or go kill time?" Jase asked me as he slammed the door shut to his car.

"Go home. I need a nap." I told him, my eyes shut.

He didn't say anything, backing out of the parking space he was in and heading for home. Something was wrong, I'd noticed it when he picked me up earlier today. He was in a weird mood, slightly combative but also just silent. I wasn't exactly sure how to handle him like that.

"Are you okay?" I asked him.

It felt weird to ask him that. It was normally the other way around. Him constantly trying to gauge my mood, my pain, figure out what I needed when I didn't know it myself.

"Yeah." He said, his voice distracted.

I didn't push, maybe there wasn't anything to push. I didn't think that was the case, but maybe. So we fell into silence, my eyes becoming heavy from the motion of the car and the sun blaring through the windows.

"Brandy met someone." Jase finally said, breaking me away from being pulled under by sleep.

It took a moment for his words to register, my head snapping forward as I stared at him. "What?"

"Yeah, pretty shitty huh?"

"I thought you were just on a break. Didn't you just go to dinner with her?" I asked.

What the fuck was wrong with Brandy? I mean Jase, for as annoying as he was, was a good guy and he loved Brandy. Like crazy.

"I did, that's when she told me."

"Weren't you guys working things out?"

Jase shrugged, his eyes focused on the road. "She still wants kids, I still don't."

"So that's it then?"

It sort of felt like someone might have punched me in the chest. Brandy was apart of the family. I always thought she was it, her and Jase would get married and she'd always be around.

"Seems like it." Jase confirmed, his voice laced with sadness.

I felt it too.

"Well fuck." I muttered.

He nodded his head as we let his car return to silence. When Jase had first said that Brandy and him were taking a break, I thought they were joking. And then when I realized that they weren't, that the 'break' was a real thing I was just waiting for her to stroll in one day, making fun of me and scolding Jase every time he started getting frustrated with me. I was waiting for the jokes and her weird eating habits, and the way she fit into our family from the first moment we met her.

But now, apparently that would never happen again. And it felt like another little knife to my heart.

                             ————————

I was making my way toward Jase after practice when I heard my name. Not Rookie, my actual name.

I spun around, my phone falling from my lap, silently scolding myself for not putting it in my pocket like I normally did. I was waiting for Mina to text me. She'd been especially MIA since I dropped the "L" word on her and I was determined to make her realize that I wasn't going anywhere. That she didn't have to be afraid or avoid me just because I loved her.

My attempts so far were futile.

"Owen, my man, how are you?" Will asked, scooping up my phone from the floor as he rolled up beside me and offered his hand.

I shook it, accepting my phone back. "I'm good, you?"

"Oh I'm great, living life." He smiled ear to ear. "I see you joined the roster for the in-house season."

"Yeah. I'm excited." I told him, my heart thumping in my chest at the thought of it. "This place is awesome, thank you."

The handful of times I had talked to Will, I kept telling him thank you. Crip had lit a new fire within me, it'd given me goals, something to strive for. At the time I didn't realize how badly I was missing that. How lost I felt. But now that I was back to playing, back to sports and the routine and discipline, life didn't seem quite so bleak. And that in and of itself was a god damn miracle.

"Nah man, thank you." Will said. "I watched you last weekend kid, you're a natural."

I dropped my head, a huge smile overtaking my face at the compliment.

"You know, there's a handful of colleges that offer adaptive sports." He glanced over at me. "You should check them out."

I shook my head. "I don't know if I'm going to college."

"Why's that?"

"My scholarships got dropped and I didn't apply anywhere." It wasn't that I was against college. I just never made a back up plan. And now that I needed one I wasn't sure where to start.

Will chuckled. "Worst excuse I've heard in a while." He looked out at the next group of people gearing up for practice. "I'm not saying college is for everyone, but the only thing stopping you from college is you. Not the lack of scholarships and applications, and definitely not the chair."

He didn't wait for me to respond, instead telling me he'd "catch me later" before he headed off. I watched the people on the court, the ball being passed around like it was effortless as they warmed up. When I watched them, I didn't see their chairs, I didn't see them as their injuries or their disabilities. I saw them as fucking amazing people, strong, dedicated, hungry athletes who went after what they wanted regardless of the risk.

Maybe I was finally starting to figure out who I was after my injury, maybe I was finally starting to see that this wasn't the end of the world, that I was actually surprisingly alright if this was it. Maybe I finally had a fucking epiphany.

But Will was right.

And I was done getting in my way.

                                  ————————

My weekend was super busy and I'm lacking a ridiculous amount of sleep from having the bed to myself but the hubs is home now so hopefully I start sleeping again.

Anyway, I'm super excited.

Anyone coming from Hearts, Scars & Horseshoes, do you remember when I went on about my grandpa's WW2 letters? The ones that I have all typed up? Well I finally got the pictures from my cousin that he never bothered to scan in and send me. But now I can! So maybe, depending on how long it takes to put it together, I'll have a new story/piece of history to share with you guys!