The Memory of Fate (Book 4)

8. Break Down

Bennett

It took me almost a week, but I was finally able to move in with Theresa. I had bought my own bed and a nice dresser, and I moved all my stuff into my new room. There was no going back now.

The two of us were sprawled out on the sectional, watching TV with empty take-out containers around us. It was a really good night. Someone was coming to look at the apartment later, so hopefully he'd like the place and we liked him. I felt really positive about the whole situation and, for the first time since my relationship ended, I could honestly say I was happy.

At least, until my phone started ringing and Tommy's name flashed across the screen.

I rolled my eyes. What could he possibly want from me?

"Want me to pause it?" Theresa asked.

I sighed before slowly nodding. "It's my ex. I should see what he wants."

"You don't have to answer."

I stood up. "Yeah, I do."

I may currently hate him for what he did, but I still loved him for six years. Feelings like that don't just disappear. I knew there had to be some love for me left in him, right? Part of me was hoping this call was him going to beg for my forgiveness and him desperately wanting me back.

"Hello?" I asked into the phone, stepping into my bedroom.

He breathed a sigh of relief. "Benny. I didn't think you'd answer."

I sat down on the edge of my bed, staring at my blank walls. I really d need to decorate. The only thing I had up was my small trans flag above my bed. I would need more if I was going to make this my permanent home.

"Did you need something?" I asked.

He took a second to answer. "I want to know how you're doing. I... I feel like such a jerk."

"That's 'cause you are."

He sighed again. "I know. And... and I ran into Kali today. She said you found your own place? And I guess I just wanted to know if you're okay."

"Well what did you expect me to do, Tommy? Keep living with you? Live on Kali's couch for the rest of my life? I found a really great place and I have the best roommate. I don't need you anymore, Tommy."

"After everything-"

I scoffed, cutting him off. "After everything, you were the one to give us up. Not me. I loved you so much, Tommy. You knew exactly what you meant to me, and you still didn't think that was enough. So I hope your new boyfriend treats you the way you want, not that you deserve it anyway."

I was about to hang up, but I heard him shout my name.

"Wait, Bennett, please. You should know the truth."

I didn't say anything, but I didn't end the call either. I was curious, who wouldn't be? If he told me a lie, I wanted to know what it was.

"I-I... I don't have a boyfriend. I didn't leave you for another guy."

I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. "Yeah? Then why the hell did you do it?"

"Because there's a girl. Ben, I didn't want you to get the wrong id-"

I stood up, angry. "So what? You decided that after all these years, you'd rather be with a girl again? Do you wish I never transitioned then? Were you happier when I was still your girlfriend?"

I didn't let him answer, hanging up the phone and tossing it onto my bed. My breathing was ragged and tears were streaming down my face. I felt like my heart was breaking all over again.

I sat on the floor, my knees tucked into my chest as I sobbed. It wasn't fair. I had been doing fine without him. I thought I was okay. But then he comes calling, saying stuff like that and I break all over again.

A soft knock came from my doorway and I looked up to see Theresa standing there. "Hey." Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper. "Are you okay?"

I started nodding my head, but immediately switched to shaking it instead. I wasn't okay, and that was very obvious.

She walked over, sitting down on the floor next to me. "Do you want to talk?"

"Six years together, five of them with me transitioning, and he leaves me for a girl. It's like he decided he was done with me being something in between a man and a woman. Yeah, I'm so much further than where I started, but it's not like I'm one hundred percent male, you know?"

Theresa rubbed my back in gentle circles. "If he was willing to walk away from you, he didn't deserve you. You don't need him, Benny."

I nodded, wiping my face with the back of my wrist. I felt like a mess, but I was too upset to care.

We sat on my floor for another few minutes, neither of us saying anything. It was a comforting silence, though. No words needed to be said.

Eventually, I forced myself to get up. Someone was coming to look at this place tonight. I should shower before he gets here.

"I'm gonna hop in the shower," I told Theresa. "When was this guy coming?"

She shook her head, also getting to her feet. "He didn't say exactly. Just that he'd be by tonight."

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe this isn't someone we want living with us." If he was vague with his time, what else would he be vague about? Cleaning? Dishes? A significant other? A part of me was hoping he wasn't some typical fuck boy - that frat boy type. But I knew stereotyping people before even meeting them wasn't a good thing to do. I needed to go into this with an open mind, since Theresa and I desperately needed a third roommate.

I walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. My reflection stared back at me from the mirror, looking like crap. My eyes were red and puffy from all the crying. My hair was getting a bit long too. The sides of my head were no longer cleanly shaven down and the hair on the top was starting to curl slightly. At least my beard looked decently trimmed, but that's only because I worked on it this morning.

My shower didn't take too long, but it was long enough to make me start feeling better. I wrapped a towel around my waist and pulled open the bathroom door.

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I was surprised to see a stranger standing across the room. He stared at me, and I knew his eyes lingered too long on the scars on my chest. I felt awkward under his scrutinizing gaze.

"I'm uh... I'm going to get dressed," I said. "Excuse me."