The Memory of Fate (Book 4)

31. Blame

Bennett

"I know you don't want to hear this," Theresa said from her place standing beside me, "but we need to find someone to take Pat's room now."

I shook my head slowly, watching as his parents loaded up their car with Pat's stuff. "He could still come back. When he's better."

She wrapped her arm around me and I leaned into her side. "Honey, you have to understand. Pat has been trying to get help for a couple weeks now. Who knows how long it's going to take? We need someone to help pay the rent. Neither of us can afford more than we're already paying."

"But I miss him."

It's been just over two weeks since Pat was sent to the mental hospital after he tried to kill himself. Technically we were still dating, but I haven't seen him since then. He wasn't allowed visitors that weren't family. Although, from what I've heard, he didn't want to see them either. The only one he saw was his cousin, Kat. She's the one who got him agree to moving back in with his parents, on their behalf. Apparently he didn't want to, but considering his parents showed up this morning, I take it he finally agreed.

"Can we wait a little bit before putting up the room again?" I asked. It would be too weird having someone else living in his room so quickly. I needed some adjustment time.

"How 'bout we give it a week, okay? Then I'll put the ad back up."

I nodded. A week was better than nothing. And maybe it would be just enough time for Pat to be released from the mental hospital and want to move back here. But I knew how unlikely that was. His parents were determined to keep an eye on him now more than ever.

Not that I blamed them. I wanted to keep an eye on him too. Of course I did. I cared about Pat so much. Seeing him in such a bad place was heartbreaking. All I wanted was for him to be better. To be happy again. And if that meant he had to live at home again, then so be it.

Howard Crawford closed the truck of the car on the last of Pat's stuff. He and his wife, Janice, started making their way back over to us. "Well, kids," Howard said. "I think that's everything."

I nodded, stepping forward out of Theresa's hold. "Are you sure this is the best idea for him?" I asked, despite my better judgement. "I know how much he's going through, but is taking him away from this life he's trying to build for himself the right thing right now?"

"Patrick is our son," Howard said. "We thought kicking him out of the house would be better for him but obviously we we wrong, considering where he ended up. I blame that on you, boy. You are a boy, aren't you, since Pat seems to like you so much?"

My chest tightened and it became slightly harder to breathe. "Of course I am," I said between gritted teeth. Just because I shaved my beard a little too close this morning because I wasn't paying enough attention didn't mean I didn't still look male.

Theresa stepped forward and put her hand on my arm. She didn't get a chance to blow up at him because his wife hit his arm.

"Don't be rude, Howard," she said. Then she looked at me. "Sorry, dear. Don't listen to him about that. And it's not your fault. We could never blame you, Bennett. Patrick just has a heart that's too big and too fragile. When he loves, he loves hard, but he can break with the tiniest crack."

I sighed, nodding my head. Hearing that they didn't blame me helped, but that didn't mean I wasn't still blaming myself. It was part of the reason I didn't want him to move out. I told him I didn't love him back and now his room is empty and he is in a mental hospital. How can I not blame myself?

The Crawford's left after telling us they needed to get Pat's stuff back to their home. It seemed like a lame excuse to me to get out of the conversation, but I wasn't exactly looking for a reason to continue talking to them.

"Are you okay?" Theresa asked me. She was still standing slightly behind me, her hands on my arms as we watched the Crawford's drive away.

I sighed, shaking my head slowly. "They didn't need to move him back home. He was doing fine on his own. It was my mistake that sent him spiraling. Not his."

I was just glad Shawn called the police. I hadn't even known it was him until word spread through Kat that that was what had happened. She got Pat's text, but it was way too late. It was a miracle Shawn even knew our address, although it was apparently on Pat's wedding RSVP.

I turned to face Theresa. "It wasn't because of me that they moved him out, is it? Do they think us living together while we're dating is a bad idea?"

She scoffed. "Ben, please. Think about it this way: Pat is an only child and this is his first time living away from home ever. What else do you expect his parents to do besides whisking him back into the safety on their arms?"

I sighed. "Yeah, I guess. Still going to blame myself, though. I hope he doesn't blame me, or hate me, for putting him in there. I just wish I could talk to him. Just once. To make everything right."

"He'll be our of there in no time," she said. "Then you guys will get to talk as much as you want, okay? He doesn't blame you for that, I'm sure. And he's still going to love you."