Not how it was planned - Sequel

15. Breaking down

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UzITjuC6CI8 ( The song mentioned later)

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“So how are you dealing with it all?” Liam asked when he finally managed to take his eyes away from Danielle. His warm brown eyes looked comforting in to mine. Seriously he could be like a shrink or something.

“Dealing with what? The loud music?” I asked and laughed a bit. He didn’t even smile at my attempt at a joke.

“You know what I mean Monica, please talk to me. I don’t know about you but I like to consider us as friends, pretty good friends actually,” he said with a smile that was so gorgeous that I almost melted. The truth was that even though Liam and I hadn’t talked in a long time I still felt like we were best friends, we just had some kind of understanding.

“You mean how am I dealing with everyone trying to set me and Harry up?” I asked maybe a bit cold. I cold see something that reminded me of bad conscience struck his face.

“I’m really sorry,” he said genuinely. I instantly felt bad for bringing it up. Why blame Liam for something he thought was best for me?

“It’s okay, I’m just… It’s just kind of difficult to handle,” I said honestly. Something in Liam’s eyes just gave me the strength to speak honestly about everything. Lying to that puppy-face was just an unbearable thought. Truthfully I really needed someone to talk to without feeling like crap. Because of course I could talk to Anna, but then I admitted things she had said all along and I would probably pay for that.

“Why?” Liam asked trying hardly to understand. I took a deep breath and felt my voice getting a bit shaky. Maybe it was because of the drink?

“I just… It’s hard to see him again, after all the memories. It’s like every time I see him all I see are all the bad stuff that happened between us, and when I look in his eyes all I see is… I don’t know how to explain it, but in his eyes there’s just something unfamiliar that I don’t know how to cope with,”

He nodded understanding.

“I know how sorry he is and how much he wants to take it back,” Liam said while trying to cheer me up.

“That doesn’t make it all okay, it just makes everything stupid,” I said while avoiding meeting his eyes.

“I know, but have you ever considered forgiving him?” he asked. I met his eyes and suddenly noticed that a bit more calm song was playing. After some consideration I found out that it was something that reminded me of Westlife. What kind of bar played laid back songs?

“Please not you too! Even if I did forgive him we will never be more than friends!” I said harshly.

“Monica… I know what you’re doing, and I get it. You’re playing hard to get just to make sure you won’t get hurt like the last time. You’re just making sure that he’s serious this time,” he said and looked me straight into my eyes. I was kind of overwhelmed for a second, because I’d never expected those words.

“Have you ever considered that maybe I’m just not that in to him? Some girls actually have the power to resist him,” I said coldy. “And by the way I have every right to be mad at him,” I added.

Liam gave me a sad look and was about to say something more but fortunately he didn’t.

“You want to dance?” He asked with a grin while offering me his hand. Why not? That at least would change the subject.

“Sure,” I said while accepting his hand. We went out to the dancefloor. The song played and we started dancing. At first I was concerned it would be awkward but I quickly figured out that it wouldn’t. We were both smiling at each other as we were going back and forth.

He kind of caught me off guard when he suddenly started spinning me around, and before I knew it I was in somebody else’s arms. I looked up and found Harry’s familiar face.

First I considered pulling away, but I knew how much that would hurt him so I just continued dancing. Not a word was said, but I guess it was one of those moments when you don’t need words.

His hands was so carefully placed at my hips that I barely noticed them. For some reason I was terrified of meeting his eyes so I kept my eyes locked on a couple behind us. They were looking deeply in to each other eyes while going back and forth. From across the room I could clearly see that they were in love. Suddenly they broke the eye contact and started making out. I instantly felt awkward watching them so for the first time I looked up at Harry’s face.

As I met his eyes I suddenly realized something. This was the first time I was in his arms since our goodbye. That instantly gave me a flash of emotions; it even gave me a really hard time fighting the tears. Although I was looking in his eyes it took me some time to actually truly see what was in them. They were filled with tears, just as mine were. The song we were dancing ended and I begged for a more jumpy one so we would have an excuse to break apart, but of course it didn’t.

A familiar intro started and it took me some seconds to recognize it. When I first did there was only one thing that stood in my mind. Please no!

Lessons learned, bridges burned to the ground,

And it's too late now to put out the fire,

Tables turned, and I'm the one who's burning now,

Well I'm doing alright,

'Til I close my eyes

And then I see your face,

And it's no surprise.

Just like that I'm crawling back to you,

Just like you said I would yeah,

I swallow my pride,

Now I'm crawling back to you,

I'm out of my head,

Can't wait any longer,

Down on my knees, I thought I was stronger,

Just like that, like you said I'd do,

I'm crawling back to you.

I was so caught up in the lyrics that it took me a while to discover that Harry was singing along. His soar voice sang softly into my ear as the chorus came again. Not only did his incredible voice give me goose-bumps, but the words he sang gave me an urge to… to… I don’t even know what I wanted to do. There was no where to escape what I was feeling.

If you could find a way, to forgive everything, I know you would.

And I would take it all back, give if only I knew that I could.

Lessons learned, bridges burned to the ground.

And it's too late now, to put out the fire.

Just as he finished the last words of the bridge into my ear there was just like something broke inside of me.

“I can’t do this anymore,” I said while pulling out of his firm grip. Before he had the chance to stop me I pushed myself through the crowd and found the door.

“Oh god,” the words escaped my mouth without a warning. I was trembling and my breathing was uneven. My lower lip was shaken uncontrollably and I held my hands on my chest to try to calm myself.

I was gasping for air even though there was plenty of air in my lunges.

Without as much as a warning tears started welling up in my eyes and before I even knew it they were running down my face. My breathing became even more uneven and for a short moment I let out something that reminded me of crying.

Pull your self together! I ran my fingers through my hair and desperately looked for something to keep my mind of the thoughts I didn’t want to think. I was about to burst into tears again but I heard someone coming towards me.