My Love, My Drug, My Release

Mid-January, 1969

Before we get into the chapter, I wanted to give a big thank-you to everyone who sent their thoughts and well-wishes to me and my family, it means the world. All of your comments and messages really made me feel supported and inspired me to start writing again, even if it's not as frequently as before. So this chapter is dedicated to all of you!!!

When I mentioned I needed a haircut, I assumed Linda would take me on a walk to the nearest barber, get my fringe trimmed to show a good three centimeters of forehead and the dead-ends lobbed off. I never expected Pattie Boyd (the supermodel) to come out of nowhere saying she knew the perfect place and she just had to take me. To be honest, George and Ritchie's wives weren't around nearly as much and Linda and Yoko, and they barely registered to me.

"This is Clyde," Pattie said when we arrived at her salon, introducing me to a bald man with a short, black goatee that came to a perfect point. "He's the only man I trust to style my hair."

"I'm Lorraine," I said, holding out my hand.

"Hello Lorraine, it's a pleasure to meet you." His grip was very weak, palm a bit sweaty. Jack would call him queer after we left if he were here. "Why don't we get you washed, and then you'll tell me what you like."

Pattie pinched the sleeve of my grey cardigan, popping her gum. "Do you mind if I go get some coffee, I'm dying. I'll be back in a few minutes."

She left without waiting for a response, not that I cared, I just thought she wanted this to be a bonding experience for us. Maybe, deep down, I hoped she saw the way Linda had discarded me in favor of Paul and wanted to offer support in a motherly way, the way Yoko had. 

"Don't mind Pattie," Clyde said, leading me over to the washbowl. "Her fancies change with the wind."

I nodded and sat down, letting a woman shampoo my hair while I stared up at the ceiling, counting the seconds as they ticked by. Jack discovering the hidden presents had thrown a wrench into everything. It was harder to dismiss his rage as just teenage angst; Paul and Linda did something objectively cruel and wrong. But that didn't mean my brother wasn't still constantly acting like a dick. So I couldn't trust him, or my step-mom, or her boyfriend, or anyone really. The only way I'd managed to cope was by spending every spare second with Brandon. He was like a wet sponge on a blackboard, clearing away all thoughts of the outside world. But when I left his presence, things were just a bit off, slightly out of balance. Compared to the numbness he made me feel, my home life was painfully vivid.

"Are we keeping the fringe, or letting it grow out?" Clyde asked once I got settled into his chair. True to her word, Pattie had returned, sipping from a cup of hot liquid.

"Keeping it," I said, meeting Pattie's blue eyes in the mirror. "What do you think I should do?"

"I think it looks lovely on you," she offered while Clyde brushed my fine hair before pulling out some silver scissors. "If you want to know my honest thoughts, the Alice in Wonderland style is good for little girls, but you'll have to grow out of it eventually."

"You wore your hair like that for a while."

"Yes, well, Pattie was a little girl for a while, wasn't she?" Clyde had no malice in his voice, not intending it as an insult. Pattie smiled demurely at him through the mirror. "It was her look, what made her famous, but she changed it when it didn't suit her anymore." 

"Appearances are very important," Pattie murmured in her singsong voice. "We often brush it aside or focus on the wrong things, but how we present ourselves to the world is as crucial as what we have to offer it." 

Clyde trimmed my hair, moving around me in a careful circle. "When you're ready, you'll get rid of these. Trust me."

This is a little short, sorry about that. This was always the chapter I planned on writing next, and it needs to be here for the future sections. I wish I could've made my first chapter back one that's a bit more interesting, but the next one will be longer and more exciting I think. Thank you all for reading and supporting me through this difficult time!