My Love, My Drug, My Release

Chapter 56: It's Just Me

When I eventually climbed out of bed, I went straight for the toilet, thinking I was going to vomit, but nothing came out. I sat on the floor for a few moments before crawling over to the rucksack to get the leftover H. I knew I shouldn't take anymore after last time's disastrous results, but I couldn't help it. With Jackson staying with us, and Paul and Linda bound to be on high alert after my state yesterday, I needed all the help I could get.

But when I reached into the smallest pocket, my hand found nothing. I fumbled around in the larger sections, only feeling my school books. The baggie wasn't anywhere in the vicinity either. My brother must have taken it when he visited me sometime last night, or maybe Keith stole it off me when Jack brought me there after Spirit Day.

It didn't matter how I lost my drugs- I'd lost them, and now I had to go downstairs sober.

Jack and Paul were eating sandwiches at the kitchen table when I descended the stairs, both of them looking up to greet me.

"How did you sleep?" my brother asked.

"Fine. What day is it again?"

"Saturday, that's why we let you stay in till past noon," Paul said. "It's not a school day."

Upper lip twitching, I turned to get a glass of milk from the fridge, snagging one of Paul's strawberry yogurts while I was at it. "I'm never going back to that school."

"Oh, yes, you are. You have exams, and then it's summer break, but you have to finish."

I took three bites of yogurt before throwing it into the bin, turning away from the table to stare out the window. It was raining heavily enough to deter me from going for a walk, but I didn't feel like staying in the house. I shouldn't have to explain to Paul why I couldn't go back to school; if he hadn't fucked Rosemary, no one would have discovered me with Thelma, and my life would be normal. But I couldn't perseverate on that right now, or I might start hyperventilating.

"Has Linda seen you yet?" I asked.

"Yeah, we had a good long talk early this morning- watched the sunrise," Jack said. "But she had to take Mary to the pediatrician."

"Why?"

"Just an ear infection," Paul assured me. "Nothing to worry about."

They were sitting too close, too comfortable in each other's presence. When Jack lived with us permanently, he and Paul did nothing but bicker, and now they seemed like old friends. I bet my brother told Paul about the state he found me in and together they conspired to steal my drugs from me. They found a common enemy in me, or at least in my behavior.

"Can I go out?" I asked. "I need some fresh air."

"That's not a good idea, pumpkin." Paul stood up to put his hands on my shoulders, even as I cringed at that unpleasant nickname. "We- I mean Linda and I- want you in the house for a while, so we can assure you make a full recovery."

I could tell he wanted to kiss me or stroke my cheek, but didn't dare do that in front of Jackson, lest he risk my brother's wrath and fracture their delicate alliance. But, with his body blocking Jack's veiw of me, he rubbed his thumb in an oddly sensuous circle on my the edge of my collarbone, making his intentions perfectly clear. 

I moved out of his grasp, my upper lip pulled back from my teeth. "I'll be in my room- don't bother me."

I spent the rest of the weekend listening to Rolling Stones records in my room. If I couldn't be in bed with Keith or shooting up with Mick, I'd listen to Beggar's Banquet and Let it Bleed and touch myself, timing my climax with to the key changes and riffs of my favorites songs. I had a few other LPs I popped in to mix things up, but I wanted Paul to hear me listening to the Stones; I hoped it made him feel like shit.

Unfortunately, the weekend had to end eventually and, as much as I wished I could just stay home and masturbate to rock music, my stepparents insisted I return to St. Peter's, at least for the next two weeks, so I could take my end of the year exams and pass Year 10, then I could transfer for Year 11.

As Earl cruised up towards the main drop off point, dozens of sets of eyes followed the Lincoln, waiting for me to exit. Was this how Paul felt, unable to go anywhere without being recognized? Each second I spent on this bloody campus felt like an eternity, my anxiety and shame tripling with every step I took.

"The dyke's arrived," someone on my right shouted. It took all my willpower to continue walking.

Before I could even get to my locker, a dean stopped me, his grey hair parted meticulously to conceal a bald spot. "Miss Foxwell, I don't know how many times we have to tell you to acquire a longer skirt."

My jaw clenched like a bolt being screwed into place, blood rushing hot through my veins. "And I don't know how many times I need to tell you they don't carry longer skirts in my waist-size before you pompous gits understand me."

The twenty students rubbernecking in the general vicinity gasped at my rebuttal.

"Excuse me?" he said, a Brummie accent sneaking up beneath his attempt at sounding posh, his face going bright red. "On your knees, right now!"

"No, you already know my skirt is too short, there's no need to degrade me further."

"You degrade yourself with every breath you take."

"Why don't you go and shove your stupid dress code up your wrinkly, old ass, you ugly cunt." 

The room erupted with laughter as well as gasps of horror, but it felt so much bigger than that; everyone in the world laughed and shrieked and moaned until the earth's crust shattered, magma spilling over like pus in a busted blister. Without thinking, I shoved my way out of the room, out of the building, out of the campus, walking through the drizzle till I found myself out of breath, leaning against a phone booth.

"Wow, that was some show." 

I jumped to my feet, nearly falling into the gutter, but I caught myself at the last moment. "Oh, it's just you."

"Yes, it's just me." Thelma twirled her umbrella as she reached into her pocket for a pack of Camels. "Fancy a smoke?"

I hesitated, caught off-guard by her kind demeanor. We hadn't spoken since I kicked her out of my house moments after we'd slept together; she had every reason to hate me. And yet, she looked entirely sincere, catching her pink lower lip between her teeth. 

"Yeah, I do want one. And let's get out of here, I'm cold."

Thelma passed me a fag, letting me under the umbrella so she could light it without any obstruction from the rain. "Let's go to my house; I'll pay for the cab."

I wanted to quickly thank everyone who added and voted/commented on my Rolling Stones fanfic, I really appreciate it. That story is growing in views faster than any story I've published before, and that's all because of you wonderful people! <3333