My Love, My Drug, My Release

Chapter 61: Sober

At four weeks sober from heroin and two weeks free from Mr. Grant's threats, I'd never felt freer in my life. Entire days spent with Thelma replaced my urge to binge, and I sank deeper and deeper in love with her every moment.

"That was the worst thing I've ever seen," she said as we left the theater after a screening of Beneath the Planet of the Apes.

"It's not nearly as good as the original."

"Honestly, I hated that one, too.'

"Seriously?" I tossed out our empty carton of popcorn, taking her hand. "Planet of the Apes is a sci-fi classic."

"It's derivative. And pretentious."

Leading her around a corner, I kissed her gently on the cheek. "You're lucky you're so cute, it makes up for your horrible taste in films." Thelma rolled her eyes, so I stuck my tongue in her ear, making her squeal.

Linda was happy to see me feeling so much better, and Paul at least performed parental pride, but I could see bitterness in his eyes. It had been weeks since we'd last had any kind of romantic interaction and even longer since we'd slept together, so I couldn't imagine he was jealous of Thelma. He must be afraid she'll tell someone about our affair. If only he knew the measures the two of us took to protect his secret- our secret.

Jackson's offer to move in with him and Dad was the only thing still hanging over my head, and his desire for an answer grew with every passing day.

"We're right by the beach," he said, handing me a bowl of chocolate ice cream. "And it's always sunny and warm, nothing like London."

"I'm happy here, Jack," I said with a sigh. "I don't need to leave anymore."

"You're happy now. What happens when things get bad again."

"Maybe they won't."

He sat down beside me, ruffling his overly long hair (though I had no right to judge now that my bangs were nearly down to my chin and I was forced to pin them back). "Things always get bad again, Lo, you should know that."

Wow, bro, thanks for the vote of confidence.

Towards the end of June, Thelma told me she needed to visit some local public schools and get enrolled, as well as apply for a summer job to supplement her mother's meager income and welfare checks, so I was left to hang around at home, wishing I was with her instead.

"Where's Paul?" I asked when I saw Linda at the kitchen table, making airplane noises as she fed mary mashed peas.

"At the studio with Denny."

"Without you?"

She nodded, smiling like it was the most wonderful news in the world. "I think he's really considering getting back into music, and not just solo albums." She leaned in conspiratorily. "I think he's going to start a new group."

"That's good," I said, struggling to hide the annoyed boredom in my voice. Her groupie tendencies always irked me.

"You'll come with us on tour if we go, yeah?"

I hesitated, pouring myself some Trix cereal with just a splash of milk. "A world tour?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like you have school anymore."

"Let's say, hypothetically, I didn't want to go on tour. What are my other options?"

Her pale brows pinched together, and even baby Mary pouted at my question. "I don't know, actually. You can't stay here all alone for months on end, even if Jack stays with you. If you really didn't want to go... I suppose I could stay back with you."

"I wouldn't make you do something like that," I whispered.

Linda smiled softly, touching my hand. "You're my girl, you know that? I love you so much, and I- I wonder if you'd consider..." She trailed off sheepishly.

"What is it?"

"Paul and I want to take care of you for the rest of our lives; I wish you'd consider signing the adoption papers."

A knot tightened my stomach, my mouth filling with a bitter taste, which I attempted to smother with a bite of sugary cereal. No matter how superficially appropriate Paul had been around me recently, it didn't erase what we'd done. Even if this was just a legal term, a gesture of their commitment to take care of me, I couldn't go through with it. 

"I know you love me, Linda, I don't need a piece of paper to prove it."

Chuckling gruffly, she took Mary's empty bowl to the sink, rinsing it out while the little girl grabbed onto my finger, waving it around merrily. "You make it sound like we're trying to guilt you into marriage. Maybe we shouldn't've given the milk away for free if we wanted you to buy the cow."

Before if I could figure out if that meant she regretted parenting me before I agreed to let Paul become my legal guardian, the shrill ring of the phone cutting through the quiet kitchen, making Mary wail.

"We need to get that fucking thing fixed," Linda hissed, scooping up her daughter and rocking her back and forth. "Can you answer that; she needs her dolly."

Sighing, I picked the phone off the receiver. "Eastman residence, Lorraine speaking."

"Baby?"

"Um, who is this?"

"You really don't recognize me?" The boy coughed on the other line, a wet, hacking sound. "After everything we've been through."

It took a minute- and the acceptance of the impossible- for me to put it together, but I finally did. How couldn't I, after all the hours we spent on the phone professing our eternal love, planning our big escape to France. "Why are you calling me, Brandon?" I breathed, looking over my shoulder, terrified.

"I'm back in England, just outside of London-"

"Don't come here; stay away from me." My chest constricted, oxygen not circulating properly to my brain, making me light-headed. "I'm happy- I'm finally happy- and you're not going to ruin my life again."

"Please, just listen to me-"

"Why the fuck should I? You left me. Do you have any idea what you put me through?"

"Lo," he whimpered, desperation easily detectable even in just a single syllable. "I'm dying."

Sorry this chapter was short, and that it ended in a cliff-hanger, but I'm happy with how this turned out, and I hope you all enjoyed it too!