My Love, My Drug, My Release

Paul's Perspective

"Linda, please, let me just put Mary to bed-"

"You son of a bitch-"

"We can talk more about this later-"

"I don't want to talk," she spat, picking up her coffee cup and chucking it at my head.

I ducked just in time, the mug shattering against the wall, hot liquid splattering everywhere.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Linda, have you lost your goddamn mind?"

"Have you lost your mind? I gave up everything for you! What have I done so wrong that you need to fuck a fucking teenager?"

Ignoring her, I rushed into the living room, scooping up Mary, cradling her head to my chest as she cried hysterically. She had no clue what her mum was screaming about- maybe she couldn't even pinpoint the source of the noise that woke her- but she knew to fear it.

Same here, kid, same here.

I laid Mary down in her cradle, taking my sweet time tucking her in, making sure she had her stuffed giraffe, knowing Linda- hysterical as she was- wouldn't barge in and start screaming with our daughter involved.

Once she stopped crying, I tiptoed out of our bedroom, closing the door softly behind me. Turning around, I saw my wife standing there, looking positively demonic.

"Are you ready to stop using Mary as a shield and talk to me?"

I folded my arms, staring her down. "I didn't realize we were talking. I thought you were shouting and throwing things at me."

"Don't you dare try to spin this like I'm in the wrong, you piece of shit!" She followed me down the stairs (I wanted to get her away from our room so she didn't wake Mary again). "Lorraine is fifteen years old! What happened to all that talk about how she was like a daughter to you, that we're one big family? Was that just bullshit?"

"No, of course not, I made a mistake, Linda."

"A mistake? Just one?"

Damn, she's got me there.

"A few mistakes, really, really bad mistakes. And I regret them."

"How can you be so fucking casual?" She gripped her hair hard enough to rip it out. "You had sex with a child, with your step-daughter."

I sat down at the kitchen table, putting my face in my hands. I didn't know how to respond. What's worse, saying I lied about considering Lo my daughter and only thought of her as a mistress, or saying both were true, that, for some reason, I wanted to fuck Lo despite my paternal relationship with her? For the life of me, I couldn't even parse the truth from the lie.

"So what now?" I asked finally. "Where do we go from here?"

Visibly deflating as her rage transformed into crippling sadness, she sat down across from me. "I don't want to get divorced, if that's what you're asking. I can't go through that again, especially now that I have a child of my own."

I nodded, unsure if I was disappointed or relieved. Mostly, it surprised me that- for the first time- she implied Jack and Lo weren't her 'own' children.

"I like to pretend splitting from Felix meant nothing to me, but that's a lie; it nearly destroyed me." She stood up, shoving in her chair and turning away from me. "And I'm not going through that all again just cause you couldn't keep it in your pants. You're not worth it."

"So what now?" I repeated.

"She can't stay in the same house as us; I won't tolerate it."

Sighing, I pinched the bridge of my nose. "Lo can't live on her own, Linda, she's fifteen-"

"Unlike you, I'm perfectly fucking aware of her age. I'm also aware that she's a whore, and I won't allow her to live with us."

"What should we do, throw her out onto the street?"

Rolling her eyes, she said, "Call a hotel, I'll pack up our things."