Metamorphosis

Decisions

Yue

We're inside the car, HeDi and I. Our friends already left since class already ended. I was silent the whole time since lunch break. Still bothered by what Kankan had told us about HeDi going to Beijing.

"Babe... Are you okay?" I heard HeDi asked as he held my hands to stop me from fidgeting with my fingers.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply as I contemplated on how to confront him about it. Finally mustering up my courage...I looked at him straight in the eye and with a voice full of disappointment I asked him of this thing that has been troubling me.

"So you're going to Beijing a month from now?...when are you planning on telling me about it Di?

"Who told you about that?" He asked surprised by my statement.

"It doesn't matter ... what's bothering me is that you're keeping something as important as this from me.... why?" I asked as i felt tears forming in my eyes.
"Is my feelings about this so irrelevant that you decided on leaving me without even asking me if I'm okay with it" I looked away...I don't want him to see me crying like this.

"Hey...babe..." He whispered as he gently wiped the tears that escaped my eyes. He caressed my cheeks as he coaxed me to look at him... And once I did, I was caught off guard with his gentle stare and comforting smile.
"Why are you crying?... Are you really going to be sad when I leave?" He asked.

"Are you stupid? Of course I'll be sad. Look at me... I'm already upset just by thinking about it." I can't help but feel annoyed by his question. What is he thinking? Why is he even asking me this question.

"So this is the reason why you're giving me the silent treatment?"

I nodded "I was upset... What do you expect me to do?"

"Cheer up Yueyue... I already declined their invitation... I am not leaving... Please babe.... Stop crying already..." He said flashing me his cutest grin.

Did I hear him right? He's not leaving?

"W-what did you say?"

"I'm not leaving.... I can't" He said wiping away my tears.

He's not leaving... I should feel happy right? But why do I have this unsettling feeling about him staying here... with Me?

"Why?"

"Why are you asking me that you dummy? Of course I want to stay here with you..." He said smiling as he ruffled my hair affectionately. "Why? Don't you want me to stay?" He teased feigning a frown.

"O-of course I do... I want you to stay... But you've been dreaming of playing in the olympics since we were kids ..." Indecision laced my voice. Why do I feel reluctant about his decision all of a sudden?

"So... you're saying that I rather go to Beijing then... and you're okay about it?" He said as he held my hands... I can sense that my reaction is making him confused... to be quite honest I am confused with myself too...

"Don't get me wrong Di... I want you to stay here... with me... But I also want you to follow your dreams... And I know that going to Beijing will make them come true..." I reasoned out.

"I really appreciate it Yueyue... But you know... A lot has changed since I fell for you..." He gently caressed my cheek as he smiled at me comfortingly. "My priorities changed... Suddenly what makes you happy is what matters most to me now... My dreams changed too... All of a sudden my dream is to just be with you every single day... To spend the rest of my life with you."

I was touched by his confession... Who wouldn't be? My heart is beating earratically like its about to combust while i stare at his beautiful eyes. Who wouldn't love this person?
This person whose willing to give up everything just to be with me? But I am also overwhelmed... By the idea that he is sacrificing his dreams for me... I love HeDi... With all my heart... And It would be very hard to be apart from him... But I should not be selfish to keep him here while his dreams vanish away...

"Di... accept that offer... Go to Beijing... " I finally said as I've decided to support him so he could chase after his dream of becoming an olympic player.

"You're really confusing me Yueyue... At first you were very mad because I didn't inform you about that offer... But as I've said I didn't tell you because it's not worth discussing anyway because I declined it already. Now... Here you are pushing me to accept it and go to Beijing... Yue... I've decided already... And you know me when I've already made up my mind don't you? So you better stop convincing me to go to Beijing because I've already decided to stay here... With you... Let's end this discussion now baobei... please..." I sensed that he is starting to get annoyed by the topic so I heeded his request.

"Okay baobei... Please don't get mad" I comfortingly caressed his hand and interlaced our fingers...

"Will you give me a kiss... I am still upset right now..." He said his brows still knitted in annoyance... HeDi can be a kid sometimes... So I gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"You call that a kiss Yueyue? You could do better than that you know... " he said teasingly

So I gave him a chaste kiss on the lips and was surprised when he pulled me closer to kiss me properly... Passionately... as our lips touched over and over again until we ran out of breath.

"Why would I go to Beijing when I could have kisses like this here everyday." He said still breathing heavily after letting go of my lips as his forehead rested in mine... our eyes closed...savoring this intimate time together.

"Uhm...Di... It's getting late... we should go home..." I said noticing that it was already dark.

"Okay.." He immediately started the car and drove us home. I could feel HeDi' s free hand grasp mine... squeezing it lightly from time to time... I could feel his warmth through that touch... Making me warm inside too... I love this man... So much that I want him to reach all his aspirations in life... To live his life without regrets... That eventhough I know that I would be hurting us both with this decision... I have also made up my mind...

I am letting him go....

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Author's Note:

Here's an update guys! Thank you for patiently waiting...

Love you all!

-joan