hope | t.h.

t w e n t y - e i g h t

I walked around Prague and explored shops with Z after running into Tom at that ice cream parlour. Seeing his face made me sick to my stomach but definitely not because he did something wrong or that he's a disgusting person.

Seeing him reminds me of Harrison and thinking of Harrison leads to what happened yesterday. All of that eventually has to lead to me blaming myself about what I had done to his innocent heart. He deserves way better and I wish I gave him that.

Z and I ended up in the park somehow and we just walked around, simply watching the joyful dogs run around the park with their owners and with other dogs that they were eager to see. We watched and heard the little kids playing around on the playground, having nothing to worry about in life other than missing their playtime.

They were enjoying their childhood and were making the best out of it before growing up, because once you grow up, you will crave that freedom that you possessed back when you were little, even after making the best out of your childhood. Our childhoods pass so quick and we start to miss that freedom that we once had.

"This park looks beautiful. For a park, th-this is great!" I awed at how perfect everything was.

Z laughed. "Have you never been to parks outside of London?"

"Of course but none of them looked like this." I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see me do it.

This park was so much more different. It felt like the sun was actually shining and everything was actually illuminated. Through my eyes, the world just somehow got dimmer at one point in my life and no matter how hard I tried for it to become brighter, nothing ever worked. This park was somehow the kind of brightness I used to see when I was in my lunch box days, playing around and doodling with crayons.

The trees were the greenest green I've ever seen on a tree and the grass looked well maintained, probably being freshly cut too.

I spotted a bench and walked towards it, hoping Z would follow along. I sat down and as I assumed, she followed me to the bench and sat down beside me.

"All of these dogs," she paused as we both looked at several cute small dogs, "they remind me of Noon," she paused once more and her eyes met with a blue staffy, "and Tessa?" She questioned herself for the last part.

I furrowed my brows. "Well that is a blue staffy but why are you unsure about Tessa? It's just a blue staffy. Tessa isn't the only one on Earth that looks like that."

She stood up and faced half her body at me and the other half at the blue staffy. "That's because that is Tessa."

She didn't bother explaining why that was bizarre because I had caught on and she saw that. She started making her way towards Tessa with a questioning look on her face, not bothering to gaze up at the owner just yet.

I followed beside her. "But Tom didn't bring her." I stated the obvious and she knew that I knew that.

She finally gazed up at the owner as I stated the obvious and smiled at the guy, who, looked strangely familiar to me. "Harry!" She exclaimed and got the man's attention.

He gave Zendaya a warm smile but it faded a bit when he saw me which gave me weird feelings in my stomach, wondering if I had just ruined something important or something special like I had yesterday.

No matter what happened, my mind went mental to find something around me to connect to my most recent screw up. It craved the desire to connect most things to that moment and I couldn't help but let myself, my brain, do it over and over again. It didn't feel so good either, to think about all of this.