Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

You Have A Good Day, Good Day

Seattle, Washington
August 10, 1989

"Alright, I'll just put these out on the floor then," I say as I carry up a box of brand new donations from the basement.

"Thanks Andi," Nancy says. I reach the top of the stairs and head over to the "New, Just Arrived" clothing rack and begin my tedious task of sorting through all the clothes and hanging them up by size. It was a super slow day today and I was exceptionally bored being at work. Sometimes I wish I could go back out on the road with Chris, just so I could have some excitement in my life.

Chris was so busy getting ready for the tour that was scheduled to start, along with promotions for their album coming out in a couple of weeks, We hadn't been seeing each other as much as I wanted to. I miss him. I just hope we don't end up drifting apart. Thinking of stuff like that always causes my doubts and anxiety to shoot through the roof. I know it's just a busy time for him, but I still miss him.

I continue to hang up the shirts and various leggings, pants, sweaters and what have you when I hear the door bell. I turn and look up to see Chris walking in. My heart swelled at seeing him walk through the door, and just when I was just thinking about him too. How does he do that?

"Hi," He says sweetly to me as he walks up the clothing isle. He looked so fucking amazing with his leather jacket, his silky patterned button up shirt that he left unbuttoned, revealing his bare toned chest. His dark hair was tamer than usual but still just as curly that flowed passed his shoulders. He wore his black baggy shorts and his Doc Martens, and as he walked closer to me I could smell his sweet musky cologne mixed with his leather jacket which instantly drove me crazy.

"Hi," I smile at him as he walks up to me. He leans down and places a soft kiss on my lips and just as he was about to pull away I reach up to touch his smooth clean shaven face and pull him back to me. As our lips move together as one, I press my body against his, causing him to sigh against my lips. It had been so long since his lips were on mine, I needed the kiss to last just a bit longer. I pull away from him and touch my lips, remembering the feeling of his lips on mine.

"Sorry... I just miss you," I say to him. He smirks at me and leans back in to place another soft kiss on my lips. He lingers for another few moments and then pulls away and touches his forehead to mine.

"I miss you too," He says quietly as he looks at me under his brow. It's taking everything I have not to throw him down on the floor right here in the store and fuck him like crazy.

"Uh... we found a bass player... finally," Chris says as he moves his forehead from mine and shakes his head out of his daze.

"Really?" I say excitedly.

"Yea... and our first show is on the 24th in Westwood L.A," Chris smiles.

"Sweet!" I smile back as I grab a hanger and continue to hang up the clothes.

"Yea and this time, I don't have to drive... we have a whole tourbus lined up with a crew which means we don't have to pack and unload shit all by ourselves anymore... and..." Chris says excitedly but his smile slowly fades and looks down at himself.

"What? What is it?" I ask as I stop what I'm doing.

"I know I've been so busy and I know we haven't seen each other all that much... and I'm probably gonna see you even less since now the albums coming out and I have a whole bunch of interviews to do and... we have to shoot this video for MTV tomorrow..." Chris trails off.

"Chris... it's ok I understand..." I say as I hang up another shirt. He looks back at me and flips his hair out of his face.

"I know... but you don't have to understand... I mean it sucks cause I miss you so much... I mean... I just thought I'd catch you here cause...I don't even have enough time at home to do anything. Andy's moved out – "

"Wait what?" I ask confused and shocked as I hang up another shirt and look up at Chris.

"Andy moved in with Xana... so I see even less of him too...and...Fuck..."Chris was beginning to sound frustrated and sad all at the same time.

"Chris...it's ok..." I say as I look up at him.

"I know... I just..." Chris looks down at himself and I can tell his anxiety is shooting through the roof right now. I can always tell when he's not quite himself. I look at him and touch his forearm to get him to look at me.

"I'm sorry... I have no idea why I'm unloading all this right now... you're at work... I just came in to see if I could catch you here cause... fuck... " Chris trails off and looks back down at himself.

"Chris... it's ok... do you need me?" I ask as I have a pretty good feeling he's about to tip over the edge. He nods his head quickly and I stop what I'm doing and walk over to the basement entrance. I call down to Nancy to ask if it's ok to take off early. She says it's ok and I head up to the counter to grab my leather jacket. I walk back over to the isle where we were standing and I quickly grab the last few of the new arrivals and put them back by the register.

"Come on... lets get out of here," I say as I walk up to him and take his hand. He lets out a long exhale and I lead him out of the store.

•••

We end up at a local coffee shop where I usually go to on my lunch. We grab a booth by the window and order ourselves some coffee.

"I'm sorry back there... I just... uh I'm freaking out," Chris lets out an exasperated exhale and takes a sip of his coffee.

"Don't apologize... I'm here Chris," I say as I look at him from across the table.

"Normally I don't freak out like this, normally I'm fine, I've got it together ya know? "Chris says and sets his coffee down.

"Normally you would be drinking though," I say to him. He looks at me with a blank look.

"I didn't mean it like that... I mean – "I start but he cut me off.

"No I know what you mean... you're right... I'm just afraid to after we had that fight back in Sacramento, and yea I drank the night of The Whiskey, but no where near as much as I normally would have... Just... since we got back to Seattle, I threw myself into recording and rehearsing, now finding a bassist but still reeling from Hiro leaving and now we have a video to shoot tomorrow and the albums coming out, then we start another tour... and... ugh... I'm freaking the fuck out," He says as he looks down at his cup of coffee.

"I just... it's like one minute I'm on top of the world... I feel like 'yes! This is what I've been working for my whole fucking life!' To have a major record deal with a record contract but now that contract states how many records we are to record with them and the touring budget and an advance for the tour bus with budgets for hotel stays and..." Chris completely unleashes everything all at once. Everything that was building up inside for who knows how long.

"It's like I feel this tremendous pressure to be...on all the time... It's hard to explain...I'm so conflicted and confused... I hate this feeling..." Chris says as he continues to look at the coffee cup. I get up and make my way over to his side of the table and sit down beside him so that our thighs are touching. I reach up and brush away his hair that had fallen in his face and I place a kiss on his temple. He closes his eyes and I hear him take a deep breath in and exhale. I touch my forehead to his temple and he leans into me a little.

"Do you know how much I love you?" I say to him quietly, my forehead still touching his temple. He half smiles and lets out a small giggle with his eyes still closed as I place another kiss on his temple. I then wrap my arm around his arm and cuddle him as I lay my head down on his shoulder. He turns and places a kiss on my forehead and leans his head on mine.

"I think I might have a pretty good idea," He says quietly and I let out a small giggle. I lift my head up and look into his beautiful blue eyes and just loose myself in them. I lean closer into him and press my lips to his. The feeling of his soft lips on mine are incredible. I could never get tired of kissing him. I reach my hand up and touch his chin as his tongue flicks at my top lip. I open my mouth a little and his tongue begins to play with mine. I completely loose myself in the feeling of his lips, forgetting that we are in a coffee shop. He pulls his lips away from mine and then touches his forehead to mine. We sit in silence together just taking each other in, not even caring that there are other people around. At this point, I just want to be with him and shut the world out.