Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

Kim To The Rescue!

Seattle Washington,
November 2, 1990

I was back home in Seattle. My mom was recovering well from her surgery and they were able to send her home to so that she could have some normalcy in her life without hospital visits and treatments. She was put into the palliative care program that was provided by the Canadian government so a nurse would come to her home once a week for check ups and bloodwork to monitor how the disease was progressing.

Since she had done 3 rounds of chemo, the leukaemia, though not cured, had subsided for now and basically she can live her life as long as she can and as comfortably as she can. I was still not happy about her stopping treatment. I don't want my mom to die but I also don't want to see her so miserable. It's her decision and I have to accept it, though I'm not taking it very well. It's killing me inside in a way I've never experienced before and I refuse to talk about it with anyone. I just want to forget about it.

Chris was finishing recording sessions for an album that he wrote together with Stone, Jeff, Mike and Matt. One night while they were rehearsing, Jeff suggested that Eddie come down to one of the rehearsals that Jeff held at his house and Chris immediately hit it off with Eddie. The first time they rehearsed 'Hunger Strike' that Chris wrote, Eddie just started to sing the second part which blew Chris away. It was exactly what Chris was looking for in that song and asked Eddie to contribute that part on the album. They eventually came up with the name Temple Of The Dog which was a reference to the line in the song 'Man Of Golden Words' that Andy wrote with Mother Love Bone. Chris was so busy with everything he was doing with Temple Of The Dog which left me to try to focus on working at the store. Even though I dropped down to part time, I picked up hours as much as I could,  just to get my mind off of the horrible numbness I feel inside.

I decided to walk to work, passing people as they walk by, trying to push through the day as best I can, when I hear a voice call my name from behind me. I turn and see Kim walking towards me. It had been so long since I've seen him, or anyone for that matter, my heart filled up with so much emotion.

"Andi!" He smiles as I stop in the middle of the sidewalk.
"Kim," I smile at him as he walks up to me. I have no idea what came over me but I threw myself into hugging him.
"Whoa... hey..." Kim laughs a little as he hugs me back. He holds me for a few minutes and suddenly the tears started flowing.

"Andi... what...? I mean..." Kim stutters a little. I don't think he's ever seen me cry before.
"I'm sorry... I'm just... fuck I'm emotional," I say, trying to laugh it off as I pull away from him and wipe my eyes.
"Well... I do have that affect on women," Kim says smirks sarcastically and I tap him on the chest.
"Very funny," I sniff.
"Where you headed?" He asks.
"Work... maybe... fuck, I don't know anymore..." I say as I look down at myself.

"Well if you don't know... then lets go somewhere where you will know..." He smirks at me and I giggle through my remaining tears.
"Ok..." I say.
"I'm just grabbing a drink down here if you want to join me...?" He says sweetly to me.
"By yourself?" I ask.
"Fuck yea... why the hell not?" He says and I laugh again.

We walk just a little bit further down the street and head into the pub just on the corner. We grab a booth table while a waitress comes by and hands us some menus.
"Uh... just a beer for me..." Kim says to the waitress.
"The same," I say and hands her back the menu. She walks away and Kim and I sit in silence for what seemed like forever, and then he decides to say what loomed in the air.

"You and Chris ok?" He asks. I look up at him, not sure what to say. Kim and I have always been close. He's kinda like the big brother I've never had. Which I've never had a big brother before, I'm an only child, but he's the only other one other than Andy that I could confide in. I haven't heard from Selena in so long, We've obviously grown apart.

"Honestly... I have no idea... I haven't heard from him since the day after we came home..." I say sadly trying not to cry.
"What...?" Kim asks confused.
"I mean... I haven't exactly reached out to him in the last few weeks but... I know he's busy and I don't want to... I mean... I don't know... I'm just so confused..." I say as I look down at myself.

"Did something happen?" Kim asks as the waitress brings us our beers. I realize Kim has no idea about my mom being in the hospital. I take a sip of my beer and then explain everything that's happened in the last few weeks. My mom stopping treatment, her surgery and even the breakdown I had in the car.

"After we came back home, he had to do stuff with Temple, of course and so I know he's been so busy... so we haven't talked really since then..." I say as I sip my beer.
"Huh..." Kim says thoughtfully and sips his beer.
"What...?" I ask.
"Nothing...nothing..." Kim says.
"No, what...?" I ask and set my beer down. Kim looks at me thoughtfully and then turns his attention back to his beer.

"You two are so fucking alike it's unreal," Kim says and I smirk at him. Suddenly one of Kim's friends recognizes him and they interrupt the conversation we were having and they begin to catch up with each other. I start to feel a little out of place and so I decide to go.

"Andi... you don't have to go..." Kim says.
"No it's ok... I've got to get to work..." I say as I get up from my chair.
"Ok... well... come here... you can't leave yet," Kim says and stands up to give me a hug and holds me for a few moments.
"He loves you Andi... I know he does," Kim says quietly to me which makes me want to cry. If he loves me then why the hell do I feel like this?