Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

A Secret 'Til The Last Word's Untold

Landgraaf Netherlands, Pink Pop Festival June 8 1992

Later on that afternoon we were able to make it to the festival grounds at Pink Pop. The sky had grown considerable more grey as the afternoon approached and it was now just slightly misting, but not quite raining. Matt and Ben had already gone over stuff with the crew which helped me out tremendously, easing a bit of the stress. They all keep telling me to relax but I can't help that I feel the need to do everything for them myself. Thank God there isn't anything else planned today so I leave the planner and schedule in my bunk, then Chris, Kim and I all pile off the tour bus. Kim leaves to go find Matt and Ben while Chris takes my hand and we head over to the backstage area. With my hand in his, our fingers laced together holding one another like we usually do, he pulls me close and places a kiss on the back of my hand, then places a kiss on my temple. He scent is so intoxicating every time, causing little butterfly feelings in my stomach. Even after all this time, he still does that to me.

"Chris! Fuck man good to see you! I didn't know you guys were playing here today," Jeff calls as we approach one of the trailers behind the stage. He was standing just outside the door of the trailer, drink in hand, the biggest excited smile spreading across his face.

"I could say the same about you," Chris smiles as they shake hands and hug each other. I always find it so adorable how they always do that when they see each other.
"Shit, it's been a while hasn't it?" Jeff says tapping Chris playfully on his chest.
"Yea... fuck it has...like, what almost a year now?" Chris exhales, flipping his dark curls out of his eyes, thinking about all the time that has passed.
"Yea man... we've been so busy... you guys touring... we're touring..." Jeff trails off.

"Andi sweetie... how are you?" Jeff says as he turns to me and leans down to give me a hug.
"Hey... I'm good," I say as Jeff squeezes me.
"Fuck... I can't believe you guys got married... well I mean I can, but holy shit... I'm so happy for you guys," Jeff says when he pulls away from me.
"Awe... thank you," I say shyly.
"Well fuck... come up in the trailer... have a few drinks?" Jeff gestures for us to follow and we head inside the trailer.
"Sure man," Chris smiles and takes my hand to lead me into the trailer with him.

The trailer was just like all the others on this tour, a long corridor basically with a few chairs and a ton of coolers that housed all the alcoholic drinks you can think of. Stone and Mike were sitting at one of the fold out tables, Mike playing away on his acoustic guitar as Stone poured a shot of whiskey and downed it quickly. Stone immediately saw Chris first and a huge smile plastered across his face as he stood up and called Chris over while I shyly stand by the door, to give him the biggest hug. It really had been too long. As Chris lets go of my hand, my eyes suddenly land on Eddie who sat at the opposite end of the table taking a sip of his beer. After Stone and Chris finished greeting each other, Eddie stood up as Chris moved over to him and like usual, they embraced each other.

"Shit, it's been a while huh?" Chris says to Eddie as they break away from each other.
"Yea... yea it has... you see all those people out there? Holy shit man, it's unreal," Eddie says, astonished at the fact that Pearl Jam has become so big so fast. Chris laughs a little and pats him on the arm. They catch up with each other for a few moments, then Eddie's eyes suddenly land on me and he gives me a smile. He moves around behind Chris as Chris sits down at the table beside Mike, and walks over to me leaving Chris and Mike to catch up with each other.

"Hi, Andi..." He says as he leans in and gives me the biggest hug he could muster.
"Hey," I say quietly as he holds me tightly.
"It's been so long," Eddie says still holding me.
"Yea..." I say and he pulls away from me.
"So... married huh?" Eddie smiles at me, pushing his curls behind his ear, his blue eyes looking at me and then glancing down at the ring on my finger.
"Yea..." I exhale and smile as I look down at my finger.
"You know this means you can never get rid of him, even if you tried," He smirks and glances up at me.
"Trust me, I'm quite alright being stuck with him..." I giggle and Eddie laughs with me. As we stand with each other and catch up a little more, I realized just how much I missed his friendship. I know it's just because we've all been so busy but, I miss just hanging out with him and getting food at Murphy's Pub back in Seattle. I wish I had just told Chris what happened and then I wouldn't feel like it's this secret. Ugh, why was I so stupid and confused back then.