Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

Uncovered

New York City, New York January 5 1990

"....so I have to leave here to help support Alice In Chains... if you guys need anything, and I mean anything, contact me ok?" Susan says as Chris walks back into the dressing room. Matt, Jason and Kim all nod in agreement as Susan lands her gaze on Chris. Chris locks eyes with her for a moment and quickly looks away as he flips his curls out of his face. Matt, Jason and Kim all break for another round of drinks and a smoke while Susan makes her way over to Chris.

"Hey... how are ya?" She says with an exhale.

"Good... good," Chris says nonchalantly. She looks at him for a few moments to try to catch his gaze though he avoids her eyes like the plague.

"Can... we talk for a minute?" She asks. He looks back at her quickly and shrugs.

"Yea sure," He says and she gestures for them to head out of the dressing room to stand just outside the closed door. She looks up at him trying to catch his eyes but he continues to avoid her.

"Chris whats wrong...? It's like you're uncomfortable around me or something..." She says. He flips his curls out of his face again but says nothing.

"Look... if this is still about us... tell me..." She says. He looks at her and tries to find the words.

"Well... fuck Susan... it is a little awkward don't you think?" Chris says as Susan looks at him.

"Chris... look... I know us working together is going to make this hard... but you know better than anyone I'm the best person you have to manage you guys. You know I always look out for you and that I have your best interest put forth. I know we didn't work out and that's fine. I'm over it... I'm over you. taking a back seat for that amount of time really helped me see things clearly..."

Chris couldn't help but feel a slight stab in the heart. He knew she was over him by the time he caught her fucking around with Bruce Pavitt, who started up Sub Pop records. Who is she to say she is over him. Of course she was and Chris was just strung along for the ride not knowing until he found her in her office that fateful day with Bruce fucking her like a rabbit on her desk. Chris may be younger than Susan but he still is old enough to know when someone is lying.

Susan looks at him as he glances down at his feet, trying to hold in the long forgotten pain that came bubbling back to the surface.

"Chris...?" She says and he is pulled out of the black hole he slipped into for a few moments

"What...? no... it's fine... I'm over it," Chris says as he is pulls from his thoughts. She looks at him with a furrowed brow and touches his forearm as they stand in silence for a few moments.

"Ok... well like I said... you need anything... you know business wise...just call me ok?" She says. Chris nods as she pats his arm to re-assure him and she heads off down the hallway. Chris exhales loudly and pushes the pain back down into the pit of his stomach, where it usually stays, then opens the door to the dressing room to get ready.

•••

As I move through the crowd, I make sure I get up close to the stage towards the right side so that I could see Chris perform. I don't know why I wanted to be out here, I just did not feel comfortable backstage while Susan was there. She makes me feel self conscious, like every time she's around the band and obviously doing 'band' things, I just feel like I'm not welcome. Honestly I shouldn't give a shit cause Chris wants me there.

The lights go down and I see a group of girls run to the front of the stage, drinks in hand, screaming Chris's name. It made me laugh a little as they were so freaking crazy. Then Chris walks out on stage with Kim, Matt and Jason as the crowd goes crazy.