Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

Here's To Old Friends

Seattle Washington, July 10 1993

"Is there anything I can help you find?"

I look up from the rack of band T-shirts that I was flipping though at one of the local record shops, Easy Street Records, here in Seattle.
"Oh... no, thank you... I'm ok," I smile shyly at the girl and she nods and heads back to the register up at the front of the store. I was trying to some more shirts that I could style as all of my shirts at home don't fit me at all. I'm even on the hunt for some more distressed ripped black leggings too as I do not feel comfortable trying to wear any of my jean cutoff shorts and I still refuse to wear any maternity clothes. I'll be dead before you catch me in anything like that. Just because I'm pregnant, does not mean that I have to dress like it.

I bite my bottom lip and continue to flip through the rack of shirts.  I haven't found anything in here that I would wear. I don't even see a Black Sabbath T-Shirt.

"Damn..." I say disappointedly and decide to make my way out of the store. I still had a few more things to shop for today, a few more baby clothes, some baby blankets and such. I still hadn't even stepped into one of those baby shops yet so that is something I really need to do.

When I had my appointment last month for a checkup, I wanted to know if we were having a boy or a girl, but sadly, the little one wasn't facing the right way to get a clear picture and so we weren't able to find out. I honestly think we're having a girl. I just have this feeling for some reason and I can't explain it. Hearing that heartbeat for the first time though... that made me cry. Chris was in the room with me and I swear I could see him tear up as well. I couldn't freaking believe it. That was when everything seemed really real. Like it wasn't just this thing growing inside me anymore. There's a little person in there.

The doctor says I'm progressing along fine and on schedule which is really good since it was so difficult for me to get pregnant in the first place. The weird thing is though, I haven't felt the baby moving at all. The doctor told me that it's completely normal for first time mothers to not even feel the baby until their 7th month so at least I know that it's not a cause for concern. I still don't really look pregnant but man, my shirts tell the tale that I am. My baby bump is a little bigger than before, though not by much but I didn't think I wore my shirts that tight

It's so crazy... I never even once thought about having a baby at all. Even as a little girl, I never really pretended to be a mom with little dolls or anything like that. I played with Barbie dolls of course but I never had that instinct to play a mom when I was really little. I never even thought about it after Chris and I got married. It's just one of those things that I just never saw happening to me, until that day when Chris asked me to have his baby. I've never met any one who has ever made me feel the way he does and this little person growing inside me that we made together, is proof at how much Chris has changed my life.

As I step out onto the sidewalk, my handbag over my shoulder, I slide my sunglasses down over my eyes and make my way up the sidewalk. It was a warm clear summer day, just absolutely beautiful with no humidity and a cool breeze as I head towards another store. One I hadn't stepped into in a very long time.

Walking through the doors of Lost Loves Clothing and Thrift Store was like walking into a time machine. I hadn't stepped through these doors in just over 2 years. Everything was still the same. The band shirts all still in the same location towards the middle, the button up shirts towards the front, and it still looked like there wasn't a specific men's or women's section either. Nancy never liked having the sexes separated. She always said 'it's one love for everyone... why should we be defined by our sections, let people choose what they like, why does it have to be separated?' I just thought it made it harder for people to find what they were looking for, but whatever.