Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

Come Bite The Apple

Seattle Washington,
January 15, 1991

"... I know mom..." I say into the phone as I finish styling my hair. I was just getting ready to leave to go and get a drink downtown when she called me.

"No... no mom... No we haven't talked yet..." I say to her as I adjust my shirt. She kept asking me about Chris and I just didn't want to talk about him.

"I know you like him... yea... yea I know... maybe... I don't know... mom I've got to head out here I'm running a little late... I can call you later if you want?" I say as I grab my Doc Martens by the door.

"Ok... I will... I love you... alright... bye," I say and hang up. I wish she would stop asking about him. I just really don't want to talk about him or even think about him. I don't know why I feel this way I just want to be alone, is that so bad?

Anyways I finish tying up my boots, grab my leather jacket and throw it on over my Aerosmith shirt that I had cut and styled, the same one Chris wrote on the inside,  and head out the door.

•••

I make my way down town by catching the bus and head directly into Murphy's Pub and Restaurant. I had been here a couple of times before just on my own and it was a really cool little Irish pub and they had the best homemade hand cut fries with onion dip, dear god, it was to die for.  I head up to the bar and order a pint of beer and some fries and just as I turned with my beer to go sit at a table to wait for my fries, my face nearly made contact with a chest, startling me and spilling my beer a little all over my hand.

"Shit... I'm so sorry," I say as I look down at myself and try to shake my hand dry.
"That's ok," A deep voice says to me. I look up and see a set of eyes so blue like oceans and long curls that framed a heart shaped face.
"I can be so clumsy sometimes," I say as I look down at myself again trying to dry my hand.
"No worries... it was actually my fault so walking up here so fast..."

I look up and smirk at him feeling a little awkward but he smiles so sweetly at me and tucks his curls behind his ear.
"Uh... I'm just gonna... y'know," I say as I gesture to the empty table across from me in front of a window that overlooked the street.
"Oh sure.. " He says and he steps aside letting me through a few people. I grab my table, sit down and sip my beer while I wait for my food.  I look back up at the bar and I see him order a beer and he turns back to see me. I grin not knowing what to do but he seemed really nice. He holds up his beer as if to cheers me in the air and I offer a smile and do the same. I then turn and look out the window, trying to forget about everything I'm feeling.

A few moments later, the waitress brings me my fries and I sit and peck at them one by one while I sip my beer. Every once and a while I catch him glancing over at me as he sips his beer while I quickly turn my attention back to my food.  I look out the window again as I take a sip of my beer not even noticing he walked up to my table.

"I'm sorry I don't mean to be too forward or anything but... and you can tell me to fuck off if you want to but I couldn't help but notice your shirt..." He says as I turn and look up at him. I look down at myself and remember the Aerosmith shirt that I'm wearing.
"Oh... yea... I uh found this at the uh thrift store I sort of work at..." I say and he smiles at me.
"Sort of?" He smiles.
"Uh yea... well... I mean... never mind," I say trying not to feel awkward.

"Oh... well...I love Aerosmith.. did you get to see them on that tour?" He asks.
"No... I just love Aerosmith too...," I say as I look up at him. He seemed so sweet.
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to bother you if I did..." He says shyly.
"No... no its ok... it's no bother," I say and take a sip of my beer.  He looks at me with the sweetest smile on his face and I could tell he was trying not to feel awkward as well.

"I'm Eddie," He says and suddenly my heart stopped.
"I'm Andi..." I say trying to hold it together. If he's the Eddie that Chris mentioned, this is going to be weird.

"Have a seat if you want," I say without even realizing the words that just came out of my mouth. He smiles and takes the seat across from me.
"Are you from around here?" I ask as I take a bite of my fries.
"Well not originally but, I do live on the north east side..." He says and takes a sip of his beer.
"Cool...," I say as I take a sip of my beer.
"Yea I uh... moved here from San Diego just a few months ago actually..." He says as he looks at me. It is the Eddie that Chris mentioned. I thought about maybe saying something but I didn't know how to even say it. I decide it's not worth mentioning right now and anyways we're just talking.

We start to strike up a conversation about music and bands we like. I tell him where I'm originally from and we talk more about how he ended up here in Seattle. I could feel the beer starting to hit me as we continue to talk. He is really really sweet. I can tell he's really shy though and that it probably took some courage to walk up to me but he is so nice.

A few more drinks later and a few more conversations later, I decide it's time for me to head home.
"Well I'm sorry to leave you here but I should get back..." I say as I put my jacket on.
"That's alright... um... If you want, I can walk you home? It is a bit dark out now..." Eddie says as he gestures out the window.
"Um... no that's ok... I'm ok walking..." I say shyly.
"No really... I don't mind..." He says as he looks at me, his brow furrowed with a look of concern. I have no idea what came over me but I take him up on his offer.
"Ok... um well I'm ready if you are," I say as I stand up.
"Sure," He smiles at me as he stands up from his chair and as I turn to leave the pub, he follows behind me, holding the door open for me as we walk out onto the sidewalk.

•••
As Eddie walks me home, we talk more and slowly get to know each other. The conversation flowed from different music we were into to just a little on how we grew up and what we are doing now. It feels like I'm talking to a friend that I've known all my life. Which is more than I can say of what I have now for friends.

"This is me here," I say as I gesture to the house that we were walking up to and he follows me up the steps. I turn and take my keys out the pocket of my jacket and he looks at me with such a sweet grin, I just remain silent unsure of what to even say.

"Um... thank you for walking me home," I say as I look up at him after a few moments.
"You're welcome," Eddie says shyly.
"I hope it wasn't too far out of your way,"
"No... I actually live just a few blocks from here so... it's not out of my way at all," He smiles at me and we stand at my door just looking at each other for a few moments. I could tell he wanted to say something but I get the feeling he's too shy to say anything.

"Ok um... I should probably head home myself..." He says nervously and I offer a small grin.
"Ok..." I say shyly.
"Maybe I'll uh... see you again sometime?" Eddie asks hopefully.
"Yea, yea maybe..." I smile at him nervously. What is happening here? What the hell am I doing?
"Alright..." He smiles shyly and rubs his bare chin as he turns away from me. I stand at my door and watch him walk down the steps.

"Eddie?" I call to him. What am I doing?
He turns back and looks up at me with his brow furrowed.

"Thank you..." I say shyly and smile at him.
"You're welcome..." He says so sweetly and smiles back at me.
"Good night," I say.
"Good night," He smiles and turns back to walk down the sidewalk.

I stand for a few minutes outside my door, not sure if I want to go inside but wanting to go inside and hide away from everything. I try to get myself together and unlock my door and head inside. As I close the door I toss my keys onto the table by the door, hang up my jacket and kick off my boots. I stand at the door and look around my apartment.

"What the fuck am I doing? What the serious fuck am I doing?" I say as I feel the tears begin to sting my eyes. I hate myself right now. I wipe my cheeks of the tears that began to stream down my face and I immediately just want to crawl into my bed and stay there forever and never come out. I quickly take off all my clothes not caring that I've strewn them all over the floor, climb into my bed and softly cry myself to sleep.