Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

Am I Good Enough For You?

Seattle Washington, January 31 1993

Chris sits in his pickup truck stopped at a red light, tapping his hands on the steering wheel, The Beatles 'Strawberry Fields' coming through the radio. He was on his way home from another band rehearsal at Kim's place and was ready to just call it a day, maybe see if Andi would like to go out and do something. It had been so long since they had a day away from the house. It was still early in the afternoon so he figured it would be a good time as any and maybe try to cheer her up a little. She had taken another test this morning and it came up negative once again. This time he could tell she didn't want him to know. He can still see her coming out of the bathroom with that look of disappointment that he was so used to seeing and yet still not knowing how to comfort her. Back in the beginning of November, Chris had started to fix up one of the spare bedrooms, turning it into a little nursery with a crib, a changing table and a rocking chair. Andi was really excited at first when he surprised her with the room, but she hasn't really gone in the room at all since then,. He understands though... Chris hasn't really gone in that room either, but he is trying to stay positive. It'll happen...

Chris takes off as soon as the light turns, heading down the road back home. Suddenly out of nowhere, a small little melody emerges from him.

"In my eyes..., mmm hmmm hmmm
In disposed... mmm hmmm hmm hmmm....no one knows..."

He hums along quietly not even thinking about it and then realizing that maybe there's something there.

"Fuck... is that...?" He says to himself as he travels down the road. He leans over and quickly opens the glove box, without taking his eyes off the road, he pulls out a small pad of paper but can't find a pen.

"The sun.... in my disgrace...fuck I can hear it in my head... can't loose it, can't loose it... damn it where's a pen?!" He says trying to maintain the melody that he hears and desperately trying not to forget it. He slams the glove box shut and continues with the humming as he finally reaches his street. He guns it down the road and quickly turns into the driveway, parking and hopping out of the truck, slamming the door shut and running up to the front door and heading inside.

•••

"Hey..." I say, looking up from my book as I see Chris bound through the door.
"Hey," He says quickly,
"How was.... re-... hearsal," I trail off as he says nothing flipping his curls out of his face and running downstairs to his studio.

"Ok then..." I say to myself and turn back to my book, laying on the couch in front of the fire.

•••

Chris bounds down the studio stairs and heads over to his desk where a bunch of his recording equipment is set up. He quickly sits down in the chair and tries to find a blank cassette just to quickly record what he is hearing in his head.

"Fuck, yes thank god... ok," He says as he scrambles and finally finds on, places it in the recorder, grabs his Cherry Burst Gibson as that is the only guitar close to him right now, plugs it into the amp that was also connected and set up through his pedal board. He then turns back to press record and then starts to play the chords he was hearing in his head.

"In my eyes... In disposed...
In disguises no one knows
Hides the face... lies the snake...
And the Sun in my disgrace....."

He stops for a moment and then repeats the beginning chords again.

"Boiling Heat... Summer Stench...
'Neath the black the sky looks dead...
Call my name through the cream and I'll hear you scream again..."

He stops again and closes his eyes letting himself hear the melody and then starts again.

"Black Hole Sun... won't you come...
And wash away the rain....
Black Hole Sun... won't you come... won't you come... won't you come...