Louder Than Love || Chris Cornell

Overfloater

Seattle Washington,
March 23, 1991

Hours later after the show, Chris wanted me to stay the night at his place so I wanted to head home quickly to grab some clothes. We both had tomorrow free to do whatever we wanted which was amazing. I honestly planned on just staying in his bed all day and shutting out the world.

"I'll just be a couple of minutes," I say as I unlock my door and run inside heading straight to the bedroom. Chris follows in, closing the door behind him while I try to find my overnight bag.
"Do you mind if I grab a drink babe?" He calls to me as he steps into the kitchen.
"No, go ahead," I call from the bedroom as I grab my Type O Negative Shirt, a pair of ripped black leggings, a bra and some panties.

Chris opens up the fridge and just grabs a bottle of water. As he turns to lean against the counter to take a drink, he notices the red light on my phone is blinking.
"Hey babe... I think you have a message here..." Chris calls to me from the kitchen.
"Uh, ok... just play it, I can hear it from here," I call from the bedroom.

Chris steps towards the answering machine and presses the button.

"Hello Andrea... it's you're auntie Ann calling,
I'm just calling to tell you your mother is in the hospital again, she's in emergency...-

I slowly walk from the living room and into the kitchen listening to the message while Chris turns to look at me.

"I don't want to say this over the phone but,
I don't know when you'll get this message.
She doesn't have long honey... This is pretty much it... so if you can,
call me when you get this and we can figure out how to get you here... alrighty...
talk at you later,"

The tape stops with a click and I am frozen to the door frame. Chris looks over at me and I just stare at the machine. I look up at Chris with a blank look not knowing how to feel. He walks over to me and takes me in his arms while I feel completely numb. I say nothing while he just holds me and I bury my face in his chest.
"I'm here... I'm right here," He says as I fight the urge to fall apart in his arms.

March 24, 1991

Chris stayed with me that night even though I told him I was ok to go to his place with him. He insisted that he stay with me just in case I get a call in the middle of the night. It was hard to sleep. The whole time I laid in bed I just stared up at the ceiling while Chris laid beside me. I could hear him doze off every once and a while but he would quickly wake up and see me laying there still wide awake.

Early in the morning, Chris booked us a flight and I called my aunt to tell her I was on my way and that I would call her once we landed. Then I called my work and just left a message for Nancy. I figured if she was worried,  she could call me back but I have a feeling that she will understand.

We got a flight for the next one available which would put us in Toronto by 11 30am. After I packed a few more things for what I would need, we head to Chris' for him to pack a few things and then we headed straight for the airport.

Just like last time, the flight felt like it took forever. Since I didn't sleep at all when I was in bed, I tried to sleep on the plane but it didn't really help. Every time I would fall asleep, I would have these horrible dreams and then I'd wake up startled. Chris held my hand the whole time, even as he dozed off every once and a while he still laced his fingers through mine.

We soon arrive at Pearson airport and I call my aunt from the terminal while Chris heads to the car rental place so we can get to Peterborough. I tell her we should be at the hospital by 12:30pm and she said she would meet us there. It was still early spring so the weather was still cold but not like minus 20 degrees like it is in the middle of winter. I was able to just get away with wearing my Pantera Hoodie and a pair if ripped jeans. Chris on the other hand wore his usual black shorts, with black long underwear underneath, his black 90 T-Shirt, his leather jacket and his Doc Martens. He was prepared this time.

This time I brought music and so as we drove to Peterborough I put in Type O Negative's Bloody Kisses album and Chris turns it up loud. The whole drive to Peterborough, I sang along with the album, not caring if I could actually sing or not. I'm not completely terrible but I'm no Mariah Carey. 

Chris looks over at me every once and a while and sees me grooving to 'Black No. 1' and smiles at me. Then as Soon as 'Kill All The White People' start, I try my best Peter Steele scream but I'm horrible and Chris just laughs at me. It was nice just to loose myself in another world even if it's just for a few moments. I eventually stop and Chris takes my hand, laces his fingers through mine, and places a kiss on the back of my hand and slowly moves his lips up my wrist. His lips, so soft and warm, comfort me while I feel his beard tickle me at the same time.

We arrive in Peterborough and head straight to the hospital. As I guide Chris along the way I start to get this really weird feeling, almost like a heavy weight is sitting on my chest that I can't get off me. We get to the hospital and walk up to the emergency area while Chris holds my hand the whole way. I walk up to one of the nurses and they guide me where to go.

I squeeze Chris' hand as I follow the little directional arrows that lead into a larger area where I see a bunch of people laying on beds in the hallway. I really feel uneasy as I find my mom, laying on a bed in the hallway looking like she's sleeping.
"What the hell? why doesn't she have a room?" Chris asks almost angered.
"I.. I don't know... um... let me see if my Aunt's here," I say shakily and I walk around the corner, with Chris following me, into the waiting room and I find my aunt sitting on a chair.
"Hey," I say
"Andrea... oh good you're here," Ann says as she stands up from the chair and walks over to me. She gives me a big hug and I swear I didn't want to let go.
"Hi Chris," She smiles and Chris smiles and nods back at her.

"You just get here?" She asks.
"Yea... but why doesn't mom have a room? Why do they have her in the hallway?" I ask holding back my frustration.
"There wasn't any beds available in Palliative so they have to keep her here until one comes available but honestly..." She trails off and I can tell she doesn't want to say it.

"Come sit," She says and we sit down across from her on one of the couches, Chris taking my hand in his, lacing his fingers through mine.
"What happened?" I ask.
"Well... she was having trouble walking again but only because she is extremely weak... she had a blood transfusion done just a few days ago to help her but that's obviously not working anymore... so she called me yesterday debating on whether to come here or not... so I asked her 'how bad do you feel?' and she said she felt really really bad. So I said to call an ambulance for her to get here... she was in a lot of pain last night so they gave her some morphine to help her sleep..."

As she explains, my mind starts to race and my heart starts to pound.

"So, I'm just waiting on the nurse to come and get us..." She says.
"Why would the nurse get us?" I ask, still so confused and scared.
"To tell us when it's time..." She says softly but matter-of-factly. I look at Chris with a confused  and worried look and he just presses his lips to my forehead while he squeezes my hand.

Suddenly the nurse comes in the waiting room and tells us its time. I felt the floor drop out from under me as I stood up from the chair. It seems like a blur, almost like I'm floating above myself as I follow the nurse with Chris following behind me holding my hand. We walk up to a little area she was in that they had blocked off with curtains and I was terrified to go in to see her.
"Don't leave me," I say shakily and squeeze Chris' hand again.
"I'm right here baby," Chris says.