Dive In

Chapter 1

If you're new here: hello, welcome to the land of fuckery! Im Katy aka the coordinator of Fuckery Land. If you haven't already check out my other books Ryan, Brynn & Nixon (The Broken Series). All chapters in this book are unedited and only skimmed over lightly before posting so if you see any errors just let me know, it won't hurt my feelings (feelings... what are those?).
Okay, enough talking onto the story...

———————————————————

•Nolani•

I squeeze my eyes shut tightly. Maybe if I keep them closed long enough when I reopen them I will actually be waking up and learn this was all a dream. It's not real, this isn't real, it has to be a dream. I wait a few more seconds and then force my eyes back open no matter how bad I want to keep them shut, but I'm exactly where I was when I first closed my eyes. 

Shit.

Oh God, this isn't good. Air rushes in and out of my lungs rapidly until I'm gasping and I have to talk myself into calming down but it's hard. It's okay, I'm not dying no need to panic. I clutch the object in my hand so tight my fingers pale and all I want to do is fall to the floor in a heap and sob. No, I definitely think I should be panicking. How is this real, how is this really happening? I need someone to grab me by the shoulders, look me in the eyes and tell me this isn't real life. I stare at the little positive sign so long I think it will be forever burned into my retinas. I never really thought about the amount of change that could come from such a simple result.

No.

I want so bad for this not to be real, I wish I could say it was just a fluke and it's only one test but it's the fourth I've taken. Four pregnancy tests and all of them positive. Positive! I already had this nagging feeling in the pit of my empty stomach that I was pregnant before I ever even took the first test but I just couldn't believe it, I had to be crazy, right? Wrong! My swollen boobs and nauseous stomach weren't all in my head... unfortunately.

I toss the stick in the trash so it can be with it's other positive friends and exit the bathroom as quick as I can. It feels like the walls are closing in on me and I need fresh air before I suffocate. I rip the French doors open that lead to my balcony and take a deep inhale, my bare feet silently padding across the warm tile. Chirping birds and the sound of my groundskeepers lawnmower greet me as my thoughts start spiraling, the smell of freshly cut grass washing over me. Everything around me remains the same as if my entire life didn't just change by peeing on a damn stick.

I cannot be a Mom. I cannot be a parent. I can't. My legs grow weak and I slide to the ground until I'm lying flat on my back and staring blankly up at the sky. What am I going to do? Become a Mom? Go through the pregnancy and let the baby be adopted? Have an abortion? All three options make me want to puke but at the moment everything makes me want to puke. How the hell did a one night stand lead to this, how could I be so stupid to end up pregnant by a man I don't even know! Okay... not stupid, I know things like this turn out great all the time for some people but things like that usually don't happen to me.

I groan loudly before making myself stand up and figure this out. Okay so first things first, I need to call Jade and tell her what mess I've gotten myself into. I don't know what to do from here, I'm terrified. Babies are all wriggly and always hungry or crying or pooping. Ugh, just the thought of the stench of baby poop has my face scrunching up in disgust. Should I hunt down the father and then decide what to do? Nothing about that sounds appealing, I barely remember anything from that night. We had sex one night and then went our separate ways, well technically I snuck out while he was asleep but I highly doubt he would've wanted me to stay around. That was my first and only one night stand but I'm aware of the protocol. I wanted to avoid the awkward morning after conversation. From the bits I can remember and the way my body felt the next day— sore and throughly used— it was the best sex of my life and I didn't want anything to ruin it so I grabbed my clothes, got an Uber and got the hell out of there.