Runaway (Jason Mccann)

Chapter 67

JASONS POV:

I awaken with pain slithering throughout my body.

My face feels swollen and is stinging as if millions of wasps have stung it at once.

My body is numb and I cannot move a single muscle.

I feel dead but I know I'm not dead.

Why am I not dead, I kind of want to be?

I gently flutter my eyes open.

I see Amber look at me and suddenly her face turns from sadness into something else, I cannot make out whether she is more depressed that my eyes have opened or whether she's happier?

I then move my eye to the left and see Ryan but his emotion is definitely readable - hatred.

I would never for one second think my friend from childhood up until this day would ever look at me with a face full of so much hate and hurt.

What the fuck have I ever done to him?

Nothing. Never.

But be a fucking loyal-ass friend who's been there through thick and thin and this is how he fucking repays me?

I know what he is thinking - I am not good enough.

I close my eyes and that's when I notice I cannot hear, I saw both of their mouths moving but now I realise that I heard nothing coming out. I try to ignore the fact that I may be deaf and go into deep thought.

Throughout my life I have always been told I'm never good enough.

Firstly by dad, I loved my dad unconditionally (don't get me wrong) but he constantly used to remind me that Alex was always the better son and that 'Alex' was more cunning and clever but me? I was naive and useless and according to him 'Mum left with Justin because of me?'

Secondly by Alex - whenever I slipped up and whenever I would break down Alex was always there to rub it in. Yes I love him and yes I miss him to this day but life without him would have been way way better.

But I'll tell you what's hurt me most in life.

Whenever Dad or Alex used to say I wasn't good enough, I never really cared? I knew somehow that I was good enough and thought that one day I would prove them both wrong.

When it comes to Amber I actually know that I am not good enough.

It's a fact.

She's perfect in every way and she always looks so beautiful there is no denying it. She was broken when she met me and even right now she is still a broken girl. You see ,I have some amazing memories with her. When we've taken videos and photos, her beautiful laugh echoes in my ears but what I always thought to myself was

'Even when she smiles, even when she laughs, I can see it in her eyes, deep inside she wants to cry cause she's scared'

Her eyes would say one thing but her mouth would say another but deep down I knew she thought I was a monster.

Well I am aren't i?

Who uses a knife and carves their initial into someone else's neck?

No.

She's not just a someone, let me rephrase that for you.

Who even uses a knife towards the person who they're supposed to love and care for?

I stole a broken girl and have just left her more and more broken but I've been too fucking selfish to even realise it - let alone ask her.

I was born a monster and I will live a monster and eventually I will die one.