Amarie and Chris never spent a day apart until their love was forcefully ripped away from one another. They now live completely separate lives battling with their inner demons. They wish for the day they could be together again but they don't think...
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Have you ever felt so nervous that you felt like your heart was about to burst through your rib cage? Your palms grow sweaty and your stomach is twisting in knots? Your leg can't stop bouncing because you're filled up with so much anxiety? You grow so impatient that you become agitated with yourself for being so overwhelmed? Well, that's exactly how I felt sitting in this waiting room. I tried to hide it but I'm sure everyone around me could tell; it felt that way at least. Maybe my restlessness was giving it away or it was all in my mind. I'm sure a bit of both.
Today was our first consultation with our new family therapist. Nervous was an understatement on how I was feeling. I knew old wounds would have to be reopened and I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. These past couples of months of not being in Dre's hold gave me some type of peace of mind. Being surrounded by loved ones and the greatest family that I couldn't even begin to comprehend. They all made me feel so safe and secure but that didn't escape me from the memories. Memories I knew I would have to live with for the rest of my life.
Everything seemed smooth sailing until now. I was becoming clouded with overbearing thoughts. Thoughts that I tried to push to the back of my mind. I didn't want them to have a hold me but it's like no matter how hard I tried, they still seemed to flood my mind. To know I would have to reminisce horrific details of my past life made me feel sick. I really thought once I was safe and free then those times would suddenly disappear but somehow they grew worse. Nightmares and slight paranoia consumed me. I couldn't live like this and neither could I allow my baby girl to endure the same.
"Here, Mommy." Krystal's tiny voice breaks me free from my thoughts. I look down at her as she smiles up at me with a plate of toy foods. It had an assortment of eggs, a chicken leg and a piece of cake. I take the plate out of her hand and pretend to eat it.
"Yummmm, this is so delicious." Her smile lights up as she heads back to the play kitchen stationary the waiting room had. I wish I could be as carefree as she was at a time like this. I envied every bit of her innocence. I'm just glad she wasn't panicking on the inside like I was.
The one person who could elevate this tension was late which was putting more stress on me. It's already been a busy and stressful morning that consisted of doctors appointments, signing myself up for school and getting Krystal into the same daycare MJ attended. Chris was there for all of those events but said he had to go take care of some things before our appointment. It's been an hour since he's been MIA and our appointment should be starting soon. Every call and text message I sent his way went ignored. He promised me he would be here by now but there were still no signs of him. I really didn't want to do this alone... shit, I wasn't supposed to be doing this alone.
