𝐖𝐓𝐃𝐑.

022.

' 𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐃𝐀𝐘, 𝐎𝐂𝐓𝐎𝐁𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟓, 𝟏𝟗𝟗𝟒 '
mika's residence ━━
palm springs, california !

"I can't believe you've been living like this for four weeks, how do you even do it?" Jewell looked around in my empty small apartment before sitting down next to me on the pillow that resided on the floor. "Well, believe it. This is my safe haven. Whenever I feel like giving up, this'll be the place that I'll come to regain my sanity. I feel complete, I feel safe, I feel free... it's just me and Amara, away from the evilness of this cruel world." I took a deep breath in and an even deeper breath out.

"Mika, this isn't like you. I'm worried. Are you going through a mid life crisis or something?" She leaned forward, placing the back of her hand all over my face. "Jewell, I'm simply just taking some time to rejuvenate myself. I know this might seem crazy but I feel that it's only right. I was heading towards a downward spiral of destruction so I decided to take control of my life..."

"Well, I hate to kill your spirit but uh, everyone's been asking about you and you know that I hate lying. You owe Tupac a phone call or something, he's worried sick about you. "I'm 23 weeks today, can you believe it?" I smiled, clearly ignoring anything that pertained to him.

"Yeah, that's great and all but did you hear me? You should tell Tupac where you are or else I'm gonna have to tell him." She folded her arms. "Are you serious, J? You're gonna throw me under the bus like that? I knew I shouldn't have told you-"

"Mika, save it. You might believe that you're on a mysterious journey and all of that but let's be real here, let's step back into reality, girl. You're running away from your problems, not solving them. Being confined in these four walls instead of living your life isn't healthy to you or Amara. You think you're protecting her when really you're just trapping her. If you really cared about keeping her away from this cruel world, you would've never gotten pregnant in the her first place because there's no escaping it. So, get out of this place and live." I wanted to give her a piece of my mind, but I had came way too far to stoop that low.

"I'm sorry that you feel that way but go on your own journey before you criticize mine. I can't live the way that you or anyone else may want me to, I can only live for myself and my daughter. Being confined in these four walls have taught me more more than what that gruesome world out there has taught me. Janice told me to be careful and that's what I'm doing. She also told me to protect him but I can't do that, so I'm letting him do him. He can live however he wants to, I have no control over that. But what I do have control over is, me and my baby's life." I closed my eyes and reached over to turn on the radio, something that I did to drown out my negative thoughts instead of expressing them aloud.

"So, you're gonna stay here even though he's currently worrying about your wellbeing? That's very selfish of you to do such a thing. You're wrong and deep down you know it too. It's okay to think about you and your daughter but don't forget about how your actions can affect others as well." Jewell stood up, shaking her head as she left me in solitude. 4 weeks being alone was a lot, but to me it was helpful.

But I knew that Jewell was right, no matter how difficult it was for me to admit it. I just hated trying to always fix things between Tupac and I when it would always end up turning sour. In spite of our confusing relationship, I did in fact owe him a phone call or better yet, a visit. I didn't want to but I knew it was the right thing to do. I was afraid that he would be the cause of me losing my cool- especially since I was doing so well these past few weeks keeping a content attitude.