Playful John (Barkada Series 2)

Chapter 23: Rejected

John's POV

After I confronted her about my feelings, dumiretso na ako sa bar. I had been drinking for three d*mn hours now.

Parang nagsisi ako na sinabi ko sa kanya. I hated myself for making her cry like that. Halata naman na hindi niya nagustuhan ang sinabi ko. What now?! Iiwasan niya ako? Magagalit siya sa akin? Just the thought of it ay parang hindi ko na kakayanin.

Kung yun lang rin lang ang mangyayari sana hindi ko na muna sinabi. Pero nadala lang ako. Naiinis ako pagpinaparamdam niya sa akin na puro lang ako biro. Yung feeling na pinag iisipan ka ng masama ng taong mahal mo ay sobrang nakaka disappoint.

I took a large sip of my drink. Yung tipong gusto kong maglasing para makalimutan ang ginawa kong kagaguhan na alam kong maging rason ng pag-iba ng pakikitungo niya sakin. Pero hindi eh. Ayaw tumama ng alak sakin. Mas matimbang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. She thought na siya ang mas nasasaktan sa amin pero mind her, ako itong nag mukhang tanga sa harapan niya. I looked like a poor puppy begging for her acceptance and love. I was so hurt. Hindi ko nga na experience ang ma-busted. Ngayon lang!!

Patricia is really the death of me.

Napatingin ako sa paligid. There are a lot of gorgeous women around. I bet most of these women are willing to date me. Bakit ako magse-settle sa taong hindi ako type??

Bakit siya pa?? I love her, but is it enough to push more?? I remember dad told me to stop this kung hindi ko naman mapanindigan hanggang sa huli but d*mn... iisipin ko palang na susuko ako ay parang mas may malalim pang bumabaon sa puso ko.

No, I made up my mind. I will pursue her.

I don't want to regret losing her just because I am afraid to be rejected. I haven't tried everything yet. May magagawa pa naman ako para mabago ang isip niya. She's a woman who deserves na ipaglaban. Siya yung tipo ng babae na alam mong worth it lahat ng paghihirap at efforts mo pag finally napunta na sayo.

I am thirty years old, and I have to take risk. I don't know kung ilang sakit at effort pa ang gagawin ko para mapa saakin siya pero gagawin ko parin. I admit that she's the type of woman I want to be committed with. She's the woman na gusto kong seryosohin at mahalin habang buhay. She's the woman I can picture out as my wife and a mother to my children. Patricia is different from the other women I met because she is a wife and mother material. Yung gagawin ang lahat para sa pamilya niya. I failed to see these amazing qualities of her before because I was covered with insecurities.

Maybe she's meant to be back in my life after five years para mawala ang insecurities ko and threats about her stealing my parents' attention. At yun nga ang nangyari. Napalitan lahat yun ng pagmamahal at pag iintindi sa kalagayan niya.

When I went to Batangas with her, that's when I realized she's a woman with dignity. She kept proving me wrong. That's why I wanted her in my life because she made me realize things I couldn't even make myself realize.

I finished the glass of alcohol I ordered, and I stood up quickly para umuwi na. I needed to know how was she at anong ginagawa niya. Somehow, I was responsible for the pain she was feeling. I inflicted her that pain. Ako rin dapat ang umalis ng sakit na binaon ko sa kanya noon pa. And I would never get tired until I finally did that.

I drove home and didn't even bother to park my car straight. Dumiretso ako sa loob ng bahay. It was so quiet. It's passed eight in the evening kaya baka nagpapahinga na ang mga tao. I went upstairs and stopped in front of her door. Wala akong naririnig na ingay. I was about to knock when I stopped myself. Maybe tulog na siya. I will just talk to her tomorrow.

Binaba ko ang kamay ko. I turned around para dumiretso sa kwarto ko when I saw my mom standing from afar watching me. Her eyes were looking worried. I suddenly had that feeling that she already sensed that something was off.