Foreign

43

I woke up.

I can't remember if it was late at night or early in the morning.

I can't really remember what I was wearing that night either. But it's all ruined now so what does it matter.

I woke up. I wish I didn't but I did.

It hurt, everything was hurting.

The blood, it ruined everything. It was everywhere.

I woke up, touching the belly that was just barely getting bigger. I was already screaming by the time I threw the blanket off of me.

I had felt something wet. It was going down my legs. Both of my legs, as if my underwear couldn't even hold back the red wave of death.

I was screaming for him. I was screaming his name because I needed him. I needed him, I actually did this time. I needed him the most.

I woke up to a small puddle of blood. Pain racking my body. My lower back in agonizing pain.

"Dante!" I screamed.
"Dante! Dante! The baby! The baby!" I screamed, I could feel my throat becoming raw as I sucked in a ragged breath to scream more.

I couldn't even stand up, my legs felt like jelly. "Dante! Dante! Oh my god. Oh my god! Oh my god!" I screamed, my hands quickly fumbled over the puddle, trying to feel for something. To see if I'd touch something.

I kept screaming, and screaming and screaming. Until someone picked me up.

I had gone into labor four months too early. Four months too soon. I had past out in the arms of who picked me up. And I had woken up to an empty feeling.

The one I had felt when Dante left me after my brother and after my best friend...had nothing nothing on the one I felt.

I wanted to die. I wanted to be beaten. Beaten and killed for being so stupid to feel that way for someone other than my baby.

My belly was empty. Where I was just growing a precious life in...it was empty.

I felt rotten.
I felt like a failure.
I felt like death.

The nurses rushed into my room as I screamed, hushing me and telling me it would be okay. But I couldn't hear them. Even now, that's what I'm assuming they were telling me.

One face popped in, touching my face and I suddenly felt calm.

Jade. I felt myself wail, internally. And as she hugged me I let it all out. I gripped onto her, struggling to breathe. "I know, I know. I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She cried, almost as hard as me.

"J-J-Jade-" I breathed, heaving. Gasping for breath. "I-" She hushed me, climbing into bed with me. She held my head to her chest. We cried together for hours. Until my body forced me to sleep.

I stare at the wall beside me. Thinking about what happened over the past 16 hours. Jade was still asleep underneath me. I sat up, tears collecting in my eyes again as I touched my empty stomach. My lips trembled, and I let out a hiccup.

The sun was rising. And the light shined in this room. And into my eyes.

The door creaked open, "Ava, your baby-" I shook my head at the sound of Mathis' voice.

"No." My voice cracked. Barely audible.

"Just listen-"

"No!" I screamed. "Shut up! Shut-"  Jade covered my mouth with both her hands. Looking at me with those eyes.

"Your baby, your beautiful baby boy is alive." Mathis told me, and I felt myself be released from the claws of the demons that had me hostage.

"W-What?" I whispered, tears flowing down my face. I shook my head, my hands against my chest. "What?" Mathis nodded his head, smiling at me with tears in his eyes.

"He's in the NICU, he seems perfectly fine. Just a tiny little thing, he's breathing well with the tube." Mathis informs, I let out a sob. Jade hugs me closer as I cling to her.

"He's so cute, Ava. Like a little small alien." I didn't even have the strength to hit Jade. Mathis and Jade laughed as I softly giggled.

"I have to see him-" Mathis and Jade shake their heads.

"No, remember Havana. You need to be the strongest for the both of you...okay?" Mathis says, easing me to the bed.

"So you need to rest." Jade adds. Pulling me down into the pillow.

"...I want-I want to see...him. I want to see my baby." My eyes shut.

I woke up to someone playing with my hair. Only it wasn't Jade, "Nik." My eyes teared up. I sniffled, exhausted and barely being able to stay awake. He smiled at me, his eyes red.

"Hey, Ava Mia. Why is my little sister so strong?" He asked, smiling through his tears. "And so is my nephew." I smile softly, my eyes closing as Nikolai brushes his hand across my forehead, and into my hair.

"Mm, I wanna go see him now...take me there Nik." My eyes were open and eager, he smiled and nodded his head.

"Okay, let me go get the doctor and nurses."

I hold Mathis' hand, putting most of my weight on him. It's been two days but my body was still killing me. But it wouldn't stop me from seeing my son.

My heart began to ache as we approached him in the casing. I stare inside the glass casing, and I fall in love. Tears filled my eyes, Mathis opened a small opening in the case, "Go ahead and speak with him. Here's a chair. I'll leave you two alone."

"Jude, Jude Niko...Moreau." I watched as he stirred a little. "I'm so sorry, my baby. M-mommy couldn't, couldn't nurture you properly...I couldn't-I couldn't do what moms can do. You wouldn't be in here if I could,"

"But I promise, mommy promises that you'll be cared for you'll be the happiest little boy. I already love you so much, and I'll make sure you know that. A-and when you get older you can tell mommy anything. And mommy will never make you feel bad about yourself. Or hurt you. Never."

I sat in my hospital bed thinking. I already knew what I had to do. I think I've always known. But like Jade had said, I needed something that would wake me up.

I had to leave Dante.

Not only for me but for my son.  It wouldn't be a healthy place for Jude, it wouldn't be good. To have grandparents like that. To be mixed up into this life that I had taken apart of. I'd die before having my son tainted in tabloids and slandered by his own blood.

Mathis came into my room a few minutes later, "Mathis, when do you think I'll be discharged?" I asked him as he checked up on me, his white coat on. It made me smile, but it went away after awhile.

Mathis looked me over, he lifted my chart and read what had been written. "You could leave later today. Should I contact your brother and Jade?" I shake my head.

"Mathis...can you call Florence for me?"

uhhh yeah I actually cried while writing this lol hope you enjoy!!!