The Truth Untold

16

I couldn't concentrate on the professor's words, although I liked the subject very much at the moment. We analyzed "Wuthering Heights" by Emily Brontë. It was my favorite book. I liked that the whole book always hovered something dark over the story and you knew from the beginning that it couldn't end well. But towards the end it became this and everyone was happy.

The whole story with Leo stuck in my head like a chewing gum.

"Are you still coming with eating?" Jessie asked me after our last lecture and I had to think. It had been clear since last week that we all wanted to have dinner at our favourite restaurant today.

"Do you know if Leo is coming," I asked her. When Leo comes, Yuna would undoubtedly come and I wanted to avoid that as much as possible. I wasn't sure what I would do then.

"As far as I know, nobody invited him," she said and I remembered. He hadn't been there when we had arranged to meet.

"All right,' I said and we went to my car.

There were already Mike and Sarah, the power couple from our troop.

"There you are, Kathie. I'm so hungry, you can't imagine that," said Sarah and tripped expectantly on the spot. She was blonde, just like me, but her blonde was much brighter and she always wanted to look perfect on the outside, which is why I only ever saw her with smooth, open hair. Quite different from me, as my hair curled in all directions as soon as it got wetter outside, or they were wet and I was too lazy to blow-dry them. We hugged to greet each other and I unlocked the car. It was a small used car I had bought when I went to university, a black Opel Corsa. We drove to our favorite dinner where we regularly went out for dinner. I always enjoyed that time. Most of the time we did this in the evenings and I just liked sitting in this diner with my friends until late into the night, eating through the menu until you couldn' and  hearing the latest gossip. Even if Leo came, he wouldn't ruin this evening for me. We were the first to arrive at the diner and sat down in our regular seat, in the large sitting area, where we all fit in loosely. It was like a square with one side missing, but chairs could still be added.

Sarah and Mike slipped backwards and Jessie and I sat down on one side of the quadrangle, leaving only one free.

The only thing missing was Milan, with Tyler probably still in the car. We were all very hungry, so we ordered something, even if we weren't complete. I ordered a big Coke and a small portion of curly fries. I've always liked them more than the traditional ones. Jessie ordered a burger. Mike and Sarah fell after ordering into a lively conversation that Jessie interfered with after a while. I looked at Sarah and Mike for a while. They had always been the perfect couple for me. When they argued, they always liked to make a big scene, but they always got along. In public they always showed that they were a couple, held hands, kissed or touched each other somehow. I had to confess, I liked something like that and I wanted it myself. At some point I also wanted to have a relationship where other people thought: "Yes, I want one like that too".

Still lost in my thoughts I heard the door of the diner open with a ringing bell and Jessie saying "Shit".

Jerkily I raised my head and looked towards the entrance. Milan and Tyler were heading towards us. And behind them I saw Leo. With Yuna. I snorted and clenched my hand to a fist, dug my fingernails into the palm of my hand not to shout out in anger. Jessie took my fist lying on the table and put it on my lap so no one could see it.

"Hi, guys. Already ordered," Milan happily asked, pulling a chair up while Leo, who hadn't yet appreciated my gaze, squeezed himself onto the free bench and pulled Yuna with him. She sat right opposite me and smiled at me.  I took a deep breath and smiled politely back. It costs me all my strength. The waitress came with our orders.

"Oh, you know what you want," she asked in surprise when she saw that we had grown.

"Um, yes. I'll take the Hot Wings. And you," Leo asked and looked at Yuna.

Yuna replied in Korean and Leo said, "A big portion of Hot Wings and two Coke for both of us". I didn't even notice what the others ordered. It was as if I didn't notice anything outside of Leo and Yuna anymore.

When Yuna met my eyes, I quickly looked down at my fries, which I suddenly had no appetite for anymore.

"Katherine. Leo told me that you were studying literature," Yuna suddenly spoke to me and I looked up again. Her fluent English surprised me. It had a strong accent and was far from Leos, but she was well understood.

Surprised, I looked at her, then my gaze slipped to Leo, who dodged me and chewed nervously on his lip.

"Um ... Yes", I stuttered and looked at her again. Her friendly smile, the fact that she had approached me directly and the chewing of Leo on his lip made me nervous too. I swallowed.

"I bet you like to read then, don't you? I also like to read. Do you have a favourite book?" she asked me and I asked myself what she was up to. Did she suspect that something had happened between Leo and me, or did she really just want to have a friendly conversation.

"Wuthering Heights", I said taciturnly and took a sip of my Coke because my mouth sounded dry. Now Leo lifted his head, looked at me for the first time that evening and I wondered why this very fact had caught his attention. I felt Jess peering at me from the side, as if she wanted to take care that I didn't do anything stupid.

"Oh honestly? I like that too. Katherine, that's fine," she said and made a bell-like laugh sound. I just nodded, my mouth awkwardly open.

"What are you doing right now, Yuna? You're studying too," Jessie asked quickly, before my wordlessness caught the eye.

Yuna began to talk, but I couldn't follow her. What just happened to me? Damn, was this girl sympathetic to me? My head buzzed, thoughts came and disappeared before they were tangible. I looked at my fries again, but I knew that I would not get a single one down. I got dizzy and got up hastily.

I mumbled, "Come right back," and quickly walked towards the toilet.

I locked myself in one of the cabins and noticed my stomach cramping. Quickly I bent over the toilet bowl, but nothing came. Then I noticed that I was not sick, but hungry. I didn't come to eat all day long, but how was I supposed to get even the smallest bit down. I rose again into an upright position and noticed how my stomach relaxed. With a deep breath I walked out of the cabin and promptly banged into another petite girl.

"Oh, sorry," I said shocked and realized only now that it was Yuna.

"Oh, all's well," she said with a friendly smile.

I smiled back in tension, pushed myself past her towards the sink and washed my hands.

"You, Katherine, can I ask you a question," she asked with her tender voice and took a step towards me.

I looked at her through the mirror and couldn't help nodding. Nervousness spread in me, the feeling of being pushed into a corner, spread in me and my fingers began to tremble.

"Leo talks a lot about you and I think you both understand each other really well. What pleases me, honestly. But he behaves differently towards me. He is strange, so closed. Do you perhaps know why? Did he tell you anything?" she asked and in her eyes I saw despair. She wanted my help, didn't know what was going on, ignorant, worried.

I was a bad person.

In the mirror I saw how my face had changed from cramped and nervous to pitiful and sad.

"Ask him', I said and turned to her. I could not look her in the face.

"Please Katherine. If you know anything, please tell me," she begged me, but I just shook my head. I didn't have the right to tell her everything, Leo had to do that.

"I don't know anything, Yuna. Please, ask him,' I challenged her and walked out of the toilet.

I was disgusted with myself and the guilt almost overwhelmed me. He had to tell her. This girl was so nice, so kind and worried about her boyfriend. Now that I knew her, I couldn't stand it anymore.