The Truth Untold

17

When I sat down next to Jessie again, I looked at Leo and knew that my face reflected a mixture of anger and despair. He looked at me, guilt in his eyes and swallowed hard. The food of the others was already on the table and everyone was getting over it. When Yuna came back, she continued talking about her home and everyone was talking excitedly except me and Leo. He laughed from time to time and seemed to listen attentively, but he didn't talk much. My curly fries lay in front of me, untouched and looked more and more unappetising with every minute.

"Kathie, do you still want your fries?" Tyler asked me all of a sudden and I looked at him in horror, completely torn from my gloomy thoughts.

"Uh, no. You can have them,' I said and handed him the fries that Tyler grinned at.

Suddenly I saw Leo put an arm around Yuna and suddenly I listened again.

"Yes, Leo and I have been together for about two years now. I'm so happy to have him," Yuna said smilingly to Sarah and Mike and I tried to think about what was said before, but I didn't remember. The only thing I saw was Leo pulling Yuna tight and she looking up at him, putting a hand on his cheek and pulling him to a kiss. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. Leo did not resist and I noticed how I stopped breathing, unable to look away. While they were kissing, with so much happiness on their faces, I noticed a hot, painful, new feeling drilling into me. It was jealousy. Ardent, destructive jealousy. A feeling I had never felt before and never wanted to feel again.  I was blind, could no longer think rationally, and in an act of subjugating this feeling I inconspicuously bumped into my Coke glass, which was also barely touched. The liquid spread all over the table and poured on Yuna's trousers. With a frightened sound she disbanded and got up hectically.

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said coldly, throwing a few servants at her and sparkled at Leo, who also looked at me in horror. The satisfaction didn't last long because the good sense in me came back and I regretted what I had done.

I didn't want to sit at this table anymore, I just didn't want to give myself this roller coaster of feelings anymore. Just like Yuna I jumped up and ran towards the exit. It was already dark outside and the fresh air cooled my heated face. I had the feeling that everything was going to my head. Sleeping, I just wanted to sleep and hope that tomorrow everything looked better.

"What kind of action was that?" asked a voice behind me and I turned around scared. Leo had followed me.

I shouted "Fuck you" and went a bit around the corner of the diner, so that one could not see us from our table. Leo followed me every step of the way and when I turned around to look at him, he looked at me as if I had completely lost my mind.

"What's the matter, Kathie?" he asked irritatedly.

"What's the matter? You ask that? I'll tell you what's the matter. Your girlfriend is friendly and lovable and we like the same book. That's what's the matter," I shouted hysterically and waved my arms wildly in the air.

"What?" he asked and looked even more confused.

"Why does she have to be so nice? Why can't I just hate her?" I asked desperately.

"Why do you want to hate her," Leo asked to understand what was wrong with me.

"Because then it wouldn't be a problem for me that you haven't told her yet", I explained and his facial expression showed me that he didn't understand me at all.

"Why haven't you told her yet?' I asked now.

"The right moment just wasn't there yet', he explained and pulled his hair up.

"The right moment will never be there for something like that. Tell her, damn it,' I cursed myself and noticed how the anger in me was now building up again. I could hardly count the feelings I had to live through today on my fingers.