Redemption {Book Two}

Chapter 2: Perhaps I owe an Explanation

{Midoryia's POV} 

I wake up on the floor of my small apartment hallway. My head pounds and aches. The little amount of light that pours in is overwhelming and causes my head to throb even worse. I press my hands against my ears to block out noise and keep my eyes closed.

I feel soft fur rub up against my arm and I peek out, to my own discomfort, to see Nao staring at me, her head cocked to one side. She lets out a small meow and pushes her head against my own. I pet her and close my eyes and I sit up and adjust myself slouched against the wall. 

"Sorry Nao," I whisper, my voice is a bit hoarse as I try and get my hair out of my face and slowly adjust to the light, I sort of blindly stand up and stumble around my bare little kitchenette and get a cup of water. 

I grab my phone out of my pocket and squint as I check the time. 3:00pm.

I groan as I realize I slept the entire day away as I try and rub the sleep out of my eyes. My attention is drawn to the leather messenger bag sitting on the old couch near the door, which raises my spirits a little. I can't remember how much I earned initially but it looks like it's all there. Maybe Zashi took some but I guess that's okay.

I close the blinds as tight as I can to prevent light getting in, I slump against the wall as I check my messages. 

26 New Messages

"Oh shiiiittt..." I whisper out loud, most of them are from Todoroki, Uraraka and my mother, I see one stray text from my landlord reminding me to pay rent.

All of Todoroki's messages are just various messages that are all versions of "Yiri told me you were gambling again, Zikashi had to drive you home, blah blah blah something about being worried."

Uraraka asked me about the date of some conference. Then, of course, asking me about how I'm doing from the previous night. 

My mom thankfully is just asking me to help her with something mundane, I hope nobody texted her about last night.

 I reply to everyone accordingly, agreeing to help mom, telling Uraraka the information, assuring the landlord that I would pay, and sending Todoroki a dismissive thumbs-up emoji.

I lounge around my apartment, drinking water and taking as much aspirin as I could without risking an overdose to try and rid of the horrid headache until eventually, I get a phone call from Toga.

"Hello?" I answer, confused as to why she would be calling me.

"Hey Izu! We need your help with something, do you mind stopping by later today?"

I sigh, and agree to the meeting. 

Years ago, the horrible nagging voice reappeared in my head. The voice named 'Deku'. At first, I was scared and horrified that the past would repeat itself but I soon came to accept his existence as just a part of my life. He comes and goes as he pleases it seems like and, unlike before, he doesn't egg me on to do horrible crimes.

Since I took that serum to merge us together he's had way less control over me. Our personalities merged together though, leaving me restless, more easily irritable and a bit of an adrenaline junky, but not a bad person. This also meant my personality affected his, leaving him chaotic and violent but with a weird sense of morals and a limit to how far he's willing to go. He's more tolerable.

Now that leads to the question, why are you still associated with The League? 

Technically, I'm not a member. Which suits me just fine. After I was attacked at the Graduation and Deku reappeared, I tried to stay as far as I could away from them. But the thirst for something exciting or dangerous ate away at me. I went back to The League, not to rejoin them, but to have the much-needed discussion of my relationship with them.

I was allowed to leave The League under the condition that if they needed help I would comply within reason, or there would be consequences. So in short, I don't do heists or murders or work with the mafia, but if they need me to do a little digging into someone's life or supply some information, I would.

I guess I'm more of an ally than a member. An ally that personally doesn't give a shit one way or another, as long as I'm allowed to live separate from them. As far as I know, Zashi, Kozo and Yiri are out on similar conditions. 

Perhaps my attitude may have confused you as well? Deku is mostly to blame for that of course, his 'Lets go rob a bank' and my natural 'No let's not that's wrong' melted into a 'I don't care either way, Banks robbed, banks not robbed, as long as it's not mine I don't care.' Mayhaps I mention the mood swings as well? One moment I'm ready to run a marathon, then cry, then gamble, then once again to having the time of my life. 

And of course Deku still has a little impact on my decisions but very little. It was his idea we even talk to The League anyway because 'It'd make life more interesting' he supplies his ideas, I let him make a case for it, I make the final decision. I haven't told anyone that he's been back for years because it doesn't matter.

Todoroki and I have grown close, first it was because he wanted to look after me, then natural friendship, but now I find myself pushing him and others away. I have such a strong desire to be alone, to just be  a l o n e

Why? I couldn't tell you. I'm not sure why. I've grown to be a little delusional. Isolating myself from the life I have, dreaming and thinking about the life I want, almost convincing myself that the life I want is what I have. I talk to myself out loud as if real people were in my house and were asking me about my career or big vacation plan.

I've lied when I say 'a little delusional,' really, I'm living in a fantasy world and I know I am. But I can't stop. Most days when I walk around I find myself thinking 'Well I gotta have my wallet, in case anyone on set needs something,' then I leave my house and remind myself that I'm not going to a movie set, I'm going to the shitty grocery store.

Again perhaps this could be boiled down to everything that's ever happened to me, perhaps a side effect of trauma or something. But really, I don't feel much strife towards all of that. I absolutely did in the beginning but not anymore.

After I was released from prison I would frequently freeze up at danger, my quirk terrified me, I definitely had some sort of trauma disorder, but eventually it just.. stopped. Once I developed the bland, gray, dull and numb attitude of 'eh it doesn't really matter' it stopped bothering me.

The only thing I ever find myself disturbed about anymore is the fact that my quirk is going to waste. 

I don't mean that I'm not using it enough, I just mean that if I don't pass it down this fantastic amazing ability and power will just... disappear. No one will ever be able to use it again for good or evil. Perhaps that's a good thing though? I mean, I was well on my way of being an amazing hero but one slip up screwed that up and destroyed half the city and caused so much damage. It's unpredictable.

I'm stuck between letting One for All die out or passing it on. I really could just give it to Yiri or Kozo, or find some other quirkless kid and just "Ha this is your problem now cya!" and let my power fade away from me.

From what I understand once I pass it on it won't leave me, but it'll slowly become weaker and weaker, like All Might. Sure he had that injury but the fact that he passed it on didn't help much either.

I wonder if All Might thinks about that too? Maybe he's disappointed that our power is just going to end. Maybe he doesn't care.

We don't talk much other than the occasional random encounter in the street, maybe I should go see him.

Ah anyway, I've been ranting too much, I gotta go see what The League wants.