F***in' Arizona

Straight from the Horse's Mouth Pt. 2 (Chapter 6)

Ari's P.O.V

2012: A Few Days After Speaking to Nova

I'm nervous about talking to Charlie. This idea of long distance is terrifying to me and it's making me anxious. We've been around each other for so many years that the idea of suddenly not, is horrifying.

I love him and want to be able to have him close to me when I want because he's my boyfriend. I would miss him immensely. But we just couldn't come to agreement about a school to attend together, so we talked about schools that were a halfway point between the two states we wanted to be in, but we couldn't come to an agreement about that either.

Charlie wants to be in New York to attend Columbia and I want to be in California to attend UCLA. I've always dreamed of living there and feel it's the right place for me to be at this time. I have a lot of family there so housing would be no problem if living on campus didn't work out, and I have scholarships to pay for school. I even already have a work-study job with the school lined up. I totally lucked out!

It's always been a dream of Charlie's to attend Columbia ever since his older brother Robert died when he was in high school. Robert was about five years older than him and had dreams of attending Columbia Law School before he got hit while on his bike by an underage driver who was out joyriding with his friends.

Robert was a genius with a photographic memory. He wasn't one of those arrogant intellects though. He was the kind that wanted to do good and change the world with the gift God gave him, so he wanted to go to law school to become a civil rights lawyer.
Robert always believed in people's human rights, social freedoms, and helping people who had been discriminated against.

Columbia was actually excited about gaining him as a new student and they were rightfully devastated when they heard what happened to him. They even started a scholarship fund in his name and Charlie was awarded one so he could continue his big brother's work.

The two of them had always been really close, even best friends, so the likelihood of Charlie not attending Columbia is unimaginable. Just like how it's unimaginable for me not to attend UCLA.
I guess Nova was right, Charlie and I have some things to discuss.

We were planning a date night and agreed to discuss the pending problems over tacos. There's this taco food truck that sits not far from the Sun City University campus that has the best pork tacos and dolce de leche cake.
This same truck was where Charlie and I had our first date too. It sits on this lot by a river in a park and it has little fairy lights that hang from the trees all around the truck. Picnic tables all around so that anyone who wants to can sit and enjoy the Heavenly food made by the owner, Rodrick.
Hopefully, this goes well.

"Rodrick's tacos will always be the best tacos I've ever eaten. Hands down dude," Charlie says stuffing his face with his fifth soft shelled taco.

"No doubt. I love this place and will totally miss it when we leave," I answer solemnly while licking my thumb clean of queso blanco.

The both of us sighed heavily at the impending troublesome conversation we were still yet to have but knew was coming.

"So, I guess this means we should have this conversation," he says to me, "I'm still going to New York. You know I have my heart set on going there."

"Babe, I know. And I have my heart set on California. I think we can agree that it's obvious that neither of us are leaving our dream schools to live in some dinky town in Missouri. The question now is, distance, can we survive it? Do we want to give it a chance?"

Charlie sighs again.

"Ari, I love you. I don't want us to be apart because we've been together for so long. Attached as best friends and now as significant others. But I want to believe we can make this long-distance thing work."

"Wait, seriously?! You're really willing to make this work? You really think we can survive it?"

"The better question is why don't you think we will survive it?"

"It's not that I don't think we will, but I've known couples who haven't and there are so many out there that don't. Charlie, we're going to be thousands of miles away from each other. I don't know about you, but I need my boyfriend around a lot more than just on holidays.
Not only that, but what about if you meet someone new? You'll be around all new people! I'm afraid that you'll find someone who is openly out and not afraid to hold your hand in public, or whose parents and family already know about him."

"Ari don't be a bitch about it. It's not as serious as you're trying to make it seem. Like you said, we can see each other on holidays and even do some weekends. It won't be hard, but it also won't be easy. And yeah, I'll be around a bunch of new people, but so will you. It doesn't mean either of us will automatically fall for the first guy we come into contact with."

"Charlie I'm not being a "bitch" about this. These are serious concerns of mine. I'm not trying to doom us before we even start, but I want to make sure we truly are committed to each other. And I won't be able to afford often weekend trips to see you. I may come from money but what exactly would I tell my parents when they want to know why I'm spending so much on plane tickets? And my school job isn't going to pay enough for me to be able to do that either.

There may be months when we can't see each other. Or when we have to go days without talking to each other because we have finals or too many assignments in one week to count. What then?"

"These are starting to sound like excuses for you to not be with me. You're still scared to be dating me. You barely hold my hand in public and you still haven't told your parents yet that you're gay and have a boyfriend. What about prom huh? Will we even be able to go as each other's date?
No one in the school even knows we're dating and have BEEN dating for a while now. I'm starting to feel like you're ashamed of me. Do you look over your shoulder whenever we go out on dates in public? Hoping we don't run into anyone from school? Who gives a fuck!"

"Charlie that's not fair and you sure as fuck know it! No, I have not come out to my family yet, but I'm allowed to do that in my own time. That kind of thing can't be rushed!
And you accusing me of being ashamed of you is shit! We've been over this before and I'm tired of going over it so often and I'm not about to discuss it again with you. I love you and nothing is going to change that. But you rushing me is really annoying and making me angry.
I'm glad you have the confidence to be openly gay and proud of yourself for it. You came out to the team and the school and not many people treat you any different than before, but I don't have that confidence in me yet.

This was why I wanted to wait till I was gone to a whole other state miles away from home to start fresh and new and be who I want to be without fear of judgement because no one would know me any different. I wouldn't have to worry about what people or friends would say about me.

This is still fairly new for me. Yeah, we've been together since the tenth grade, but I've never just really been involved in too many LBGTQ+ things like you have. I still am afraid of how my family will react and treat me. My parents are strict and religious, and my siblings and I grew up that way too. I'm terrified!
Not to mention friends here at the school and affluential people around the city who I know, who may treat me and look at me different. I'm just not ready for all that change! Please stop trying to push me into a change I'm not ready for. I just need you to be supportive of me in this, please."

"I hear you, but Ari, who cares what other people think! It can just be you and I!"

"I care Charlie! I know I shouldn't, but right now, I do. I just want to be able to like who I like, and date who I date. Why do I have to tell the world about that? Why can't I just go about my life without having to go around telling people I'm gay like it's a contagious disease?"

"Sounds like we should've just stayed friends."

'Stay friends'? Charlie doesn't mean that does he? He's upset. He tends to say things he doesn't mean when he's upset. This is no different.

Right?