F***in' Arizona

Straight from the Horse's Mouth Pt. 5 (Chapter 22)

*Author's Note: Possible triggering content warning.

Ari's P.O.V
Before he runs into Nova

Fuck, I am such a mess.

What have I done?

I can't believe I really told my family that I was dating Nova. Why couldn't I just say that Emmie and I planned a date? Or just make up some random girl's name?

Damn, I'm such an impulsive idiot. When will I learn?

Maybe I'm just waiting for the right person to come along that causes me to change my stupid ways, but until then, I'll just fuck my way through Los Angeles.

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to bring any alcohol or weed on my plane ride back home. I could really use a shot or five right about now. Most definitely a blunt too.

I had started drinking quite a bit. Especially after the death of Cameron. I couldn't hold it together after losing her. That, and the pressures of school in general were really wearing me down.

I had always been one to smoke weed, or at least since I started college. It wasn't until a football injury that I started on the harder stuff. You know how that goes; get injured, go to the hospital, they give you pain meds to pop, then you get hooked on said pain meds.

The best part of that is that you lose all your friends as well.

That was a cynical joke.

Losing good friends isn't a good thing.

It sucks. It fuckin' sucks.

My grades completely suffered. I was hardly attending classes, I was hungover at weird hours, late to my job all the time, moody and rude to people who didn't deserve it, and I was sleeping with almost any guy that showed interest in me.

I am ashamed to say that I never got the closure I needed when it came to Charlie cheating on me. I am even more ashamed to say that after that one post-breakup angry hookup....we hooked up at least another two times before he left my pathetic ass again.

Why am I like this?

In all of this going on, I slumped into a depression that kept its fierce grip on me like a monkey climbing a tree.
I never really had a problem with anxiety, but I'm not gonna lie and say I didn't develop at least a little bit of anxiety issues.

I went from being this popular college football jock, to this party goer who always knew who to get the best weed from, to the player who got injured and had to end his season early, to the lowlife who got hooked on pain meds, and hooked on good dick, to the one who almost completely screwed up his life.

I'm sure you're wondering how I made it out of my deep waters.

Dak. He knew everything I was going through excluding the hooking up with different guys. I mean, we attended the same school (well, we were on different campuses that are part of the same school), so there was no way he wouldn't know.

Because he had medical ties, Dakota was able to get me into a really great rehab program where I was able to get clean of the drug addiction and most of my alcohol addiction. I'm still working on that one. Nowadays, I just have a beer on occasion but the possibility of slipping up is still pretty fresh.

I still roll a blunt or indulge on an edible whenever I want, but the need isn't as strong as it used to be.

I really thank my brother for helping me. We had an extended discussion about what was going on in my life and I cried like a newborn, and he swore to always be there for me no matter what I did. I love him and will be completely heartbroken if he rejects me when he finds out my top tier secret.