F***in' Arizona

Death of a Bachelorette (Chapter 44)

Two Years Later:

Late June 2020

Man. 2020.

This year really started out like a raggedy, scratchy, dollar store, plastic, blonde Halloween wig that you forgot about in the back of your closet.

First, there was the terrifying scare of the possibility of a WWIII because pride is an old man's best friend.

Next, there were the different countries not getting along like two schoolyard children from the 1800s fighting over who gets to go first on the dusty tire swing.

Third, there was the seemingly never ending mess of the government overstepping their boundaries like a creepy uncle at the cookout commenting on how sexy of a woman you've grown into.

Then, the president being, well, the president, there was the madness of the elections and the debates, the extreme police brutality which never ceases to amaze me the lengths people will go to keep their racism alive.

Ya homegirl, the weather, was on her period repeatedly. Like, there was no break in between, she just kept bleeding everyday up until now.

And last but not least, the Corona Virus, that dirty side bitch, spread all over the world like a nasty, most foul sexually transmitted infection from a non-shower taking, no panties wearing, cracked out addict that'll let you stick it in for five dollars to anyone who drives by.

People have been doing the dumbest of things like buying and hoarding toilet paper and hand sanitizer, buying perishable items like they've never seen LITERALLY ANY ZOMBIE, VIRUS, OR APOCALYPSE MOVIE/TV SHOW EVER, schools and universities and graduations were canceled, people lost their jobs, the stock market crashed, the country went into a recession, violence and crimes ensued, people were committing suicide....

Thousands have died from both the sickness and other equally depressing causes.
There were so many people who couldn't handle the quarantine and isolation and it just pushed them over the edge. The mental and emotional abuse and trauma were just too much.

All of the events, news and media, and mass hysteria made it feel like we were literally living in scenes out of a desperate low budget B List movie. Like some action-horny 40-something year old man out there was bored with the way the movie Earth was moving along so they decided to "spice up" the script a little by throwing in all these random events.

2020, you are one raggedy avocado obsessed side-bitch.

But not as raggedy as Maya Esperanza Reyes on her wedding day.

"THIS IS MY MOTHER FUCKIN' WEDDING AND I WILL DO AS I WANT AND YOU WILL DO AS I SAY! I DO NOT CARE IF YOU SUDDENLY THINK YOU GOT THE 'RONA! EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU WERE TESTED BEFORE STEPPING INTO THIS BUILDING TODAY, SO I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY EXCUSES!" Maya yelled to anyone who could hear her. She then repeated it in Spanish to anyone who wanted to pretend they didn't understand English.

So nice of her.

Do you remember that Bridzilla show that use to come on? You know the one. Women from all walks of life would be getting married and the tv show would follow them around and televise how skressed the bride would be.

Yes, I said "skressed", not stressed. "Skressed" is worse than stressed.

Currently, Maya, soon to be a Matthews, was walking around yelling at various people in the venue to make damn sure this day went off without a hitch even though things were not really going in her favor so far.

I felt terrible for her because a good portion of both sides of the families-the Reyes' and Matthews- had to cancel their RSVPs because of the Corona Virus since it was still running rampant, but at least not as heavily as it first started out. However, she was determined to continue with her wedding no matter what.