F***in' Arizona

Straight from the Horse's Mouth Pt. 14 (Chapter 47)

*Author's Note: The songs Jocelyn Flores by XXXTENTACION, Hey, Look Ma I Made It (just replace "ma" with "dad") by Panic! At The Disco, and Take Yourself Home by Troye Sivan, are used for this chapter.

*This chapter is very long and will not be broken up because I feel it has a stronger impact leaving it as one. It's also my absolute favorite chapter in the entire book. lol

*I am also placing a big  WARNING on this chapter because it deals heavily with various mental health issues including destructive behaviors and actions involving drug and alcohol use, upsetting and possibly triggering dialogue, sexual content, and suicide. I am aware that these can be triggering to some, so feel free to skip the chapter (although I recommend reading at least the first half, but I understand) if it's too much.

Ari's P.O.V.

The day of the wedding, before speaking to Nova

The overwhelming feeling of seeing Nova Queen after these years was eating me alive in a good way.
Seeing her again in person felt like I had been caged in a dank and morbidly dark prison for years. Like I was finally released, and I could at last see and feel the shining sun, experience the cool breeze lightly blowing over the bridge of my nose, across my fastened eyes, and through my stiff hair.

I witnessed her making her way through the venue with one of the wedding planners going over a last-minute checklist and I had to fight the urge to walk up to her.

She was definitely a sight for sore eyes.

I'll admit that I was pretty excited at the thought of seeing her today since she was at neither the rehearsal nor the dinner. I really just wanted to try and catch up with her to know what she had been up to the last couple of years and if she was doing well. But even if she doesn't want to speak to me, just having the chance to be in her presence again was a long-awaited gift.

After our last encounter, I never saw nor had a full conversation with her again. Occasionally we would give each other a greeting on holidays or birthdays, but other than that, nothing. She needed her space and I had planned on respecting that. But that given space allowed me to also have the time to get myself right. To restart my life.

I used the majority of that time to start regularly seeing and talking to a therapist, Dr. Laney. She was a therapist specially catering to Lgbtq+ adults who were struggling and needing help. I owe her, my siblings, my mother, and even my father, my life.

I'll probably never tell a soul (my family members and therapist are the only ones that know), but I was home one warm and cloudy night by myself. Dakota was working a late shift and wouldn't be home for at least another four hours and I was exhaustively bored. It was only 6:24pm on a Friday and I had gotten home around 4:30pm.

*Late 2018*

I was so excited because I was recently promoted at my job and would be making more money and gaining more benefits, recognition, leverage, and mobility. I totally deserved it and was extremely proud of myself and couldn't wait to share the news with the people I cared most for.

Of course, I couldn't tell Dakota just yet because he was busy, I couldn't call Remi because of the time difference, so I called my sisters.

They were ecstatic of course because they're usually supportive of me. I dialed my mom and she was also just as delighted as my sisters were and said that I should call my dad as well.
I didn't think that was the best idea, but I figured, what the hell, maybe he would be happy for me. It's been a while since we last spoke, maybe his head is in a different space now. However, when I called him, it went straight to voicemail. I decided that maybe he's at work and I'll just try him again later.