F***in' Arizona

Straight from the Horse's Mouth Pt. 4.4 (Chapter 17)

New Year's Eve 2013

Welp. Looks like I ended up in the one place I was trying to avoid.

My home.

Don't get me wrong, I love my home. I love my parents and my siblings. I just couldn't stand those typical conversations gay kids who haven't come out to their family, have to have.

My family though was so happy to see that I decided to come home. However, they were hoping I would've brought Blaire back with me.

Funny enough, I had actually forgotten that I even told them I was spending time with her. It had been a while since I started that lie and so much has happened in between.
Since then, this whole mess with Charlie has really thrown me for a loop and gotten me frazzled.
I felt like I was on my period.

Unfortunately, my family could tell the difference in my demeanor from the last time I was home.

"Sugar Pie Honey Bun why do you look so upset? You've been lookin' like that since we picked you up from the airport the other day. Tell your momma what's going on with you."

My mother is the sweetest thing alive. I love her dearly and I hate to disappoint her. I just know telling her the truth about me will break her heart.
To know that I've been lying to her for so long will make her view me in a different light. On multiple occasions I wanted to call her cell phone in the middle of the night to spill my truth and cry.
So many of those lonely and desperate college nights I wanted to be by her side and lay my heavy head on her shoulder to cry myself to sleep.

But I couldn't.

"It's nothing mom," I respond trying to sell the lie I was building.

I could probably build skyscrapers out of my lies.

My mother walked over to me and gently grabbed my arm to guide me over to the living room couch. Right on the right-side corner next to the end table where she would place her teacup, ready to play "Momma Therapist" to her precious, but hardheaded, children.

"I'm only gonna say this one more time Arizona Audrey."

Uh, oh, not the middle name.

"Tell your mother what's wrong. You know I don't like seeing my baby boy so upset. It's almost midnight. Release whatever is weighing down your mind and heart and leave it in the past to allow yourself to start anew."

Is this the moment?

Do I tell my mother what's really bothering me?

Is this the month, day, hour, minute, second, that I tell my mother?

I sigh heavily and run through my mind how fast I can gather my most prized possessions and stuff them into a few duffle bags to bolt out the door as soon as shit hits the heater.

"Mom. It's about me and Charlie."

"Oh! Charlie! I love that boy. I haven't seen him in so long. How's he doing? He came along with Blaire to visit in California, right? He doing well in school?"

Damn, this was about to be hard.

"He's good mom and school is going fine for him."

"Well what about Charlie then?"

"Mom, he and I..."

This is it.

"He and I..."

"Arizona! Good to see you up and about my boy. You never could stay up till midnight for the countdown."

My dear old dad.