// It's just you and I tonight // (A Matty Healy Fanfiction)

1 week later - Matty to stay: Day 1

I sit on the stairs wringing my hands together nervously and feeling slightly sick. I look at the clock. 5 minutes until he's due to get here. Fuck. I take a deep breath and try to stay calm. When me and Matty organised this I never imagined how I'd feel at the prospect of seeing him again.... he might be ill... different... not himself... oh god.

The doorbell goes and my heart drops. He's early?! I take another deep breath and walk down the stairs and through the short corridor to the front door. I open it and smile at him. He's wearing a black turtle neck jumper and his black jeans with his DMs. He looks thinner than I've ever seen him... his clothes all look a size or two too big. His skin is pale and hollow looking on his face and he looks exhausted. His hair is greasy and limp and the sides have grown out to a lot longer than usual. He tries to smile back at me but no warmth reaches his eyes.
"Hey" I say slightly awkwardly
"Hi Hols" his voice is monotone and lifeless
"Come in!" I say cheerfully. He steps over the threshold and throws his unusually full backpack down on the floor. Bobby comes to greet him with a wagging tail and licks his hands. Matty pats him on the head lightly and follows me into the kitchen "there's food if you want it, have you had breakfast?"
"No, yeah, I'm good babe don't worry" I doubt he's eaten anything
"I'll put a bagel on for you?"
"No." he snaps "I'm not hungry I already said, Hols" I'm surprised at his bluntness. He flops down into a chair and sniffs loudly, rubbing his nose. He sees me notice this "got a cold" he lies

There's a long silence. When it gets too much to bare I put the radio on. Something by The Vamps comes on.
"Oh, shut that shit off" Matty snaps again. I sigh and turn the radio off.
"Okay - what do you want to do then?!" I snap back
"Nothing I'm allowed to do" he mumbles. I decide to take a different approach
"Well... my parents are away for the week" I smile cheekily "we have the house to ourselves"
"So?" he mumbles miserably
"So..." I sigh and begin to unbutton my checkered shirt to reveal my good bra, his favourite, still giving him that look. He starts to smile a little and looks up at me. I take my shirt completely off and gently take hold of his hands, moving them to touch the lacy thin fabric of the bra. He starts to kiss all over my chest gently but doesn't increase in pressure like he usually does. I want him to be a bit rough with me, not this tentative and gentle. I lead him upstairs to my attic room and then let go of his hand when we get there, lying down on my back on the bed and opening my legs a little. He walks over slowly but the same dead look is in his eyes again. I remove my jeans and sink to my knees at his feet. He still doesn't respond as I undo his jeans so I look up at him and do something I've never done before... In an effort to turn him on I get eye contact with him and lick my lips slightly. He backs away from me
"Look I'm too tired for this I just wanna sleep" I stand up, instantly embarrassed
"Sleep?!" I grab my jeans and start putting them on, I feel humiliated
"Yeah... it's nothing you did I'm just wrecked"
"Oh... okay sorry I-"
"There's nothing to be sorry for, Hols" he sounds irritated. There's a silence. "So... can I just crash in here?" He asks
"Yep" I say and leave the room, grabbing my dressing gown and putting it on as I run downstairs and into the living room, slumping down on the sofa and bursting into tears. This was meant to be a chance to get him to feel better but all he's doing is making me feel worse!

I pull myself together and ring George, maybe he'll know what to do?! He picks up on the third ring
"Hello?" his deep voice mumbles
"Hey George... Matty's here and-"
"Oh thank God he got there... he was all out of it this morning, knackered... I didn't think he'd make it!" he laughs a little
"Yeah... he's being really weird... he's snapped at me more than once, didn't want to eat anything and didn't even want me to give him a... he just stood there blank and said he was too tired... he's upstairs sleeping now"
"Sleeping? It's not even 11am?!"
"I know! Do you know if he's done any today?"
"He hasn't... I made sure he didn't! He stayed at mine last night and I drove him to the station this morning! That might be why he's so tired, he's got dependant on it, tiredness is a side-effect probably"
"Look... Is there any way you can come down? You could go stay at Jamie's? I dunno I just... I can't deal with him like this on my own! Please?"
"Um... I can't stay at Jamie's cus her parents hate me... Aren't yours away for the week?"
"Yeah..." I say cautiously "but won't Jamie think it's weird you staying at mine?"
"Not if she knows why and I'm sure she'll get it since she can't have me?"
"Okay yeah... can you ring and tell her? What's the soonest you can come down?"
"Umm tomorrow if mum says yes, which she will"
"Oh my god thank you so much! I'll be at sixth form tomorrow with Matty... he was gonna basically sit in the library while I'm in lessons so I could keep half an eye on him... if you text him you two can go anywhere as long as you make sure he's not doing any drugs!"
"Cool sounds alright! I'll text him and then ring Jamie"
"Perfect, thank you!"
"No worries, cya!"
"Bye!"

I sit for a minute and think. George and Matty both under my roof for a week... I don't know how this is gonna go.

I walk back upstairs to my room and slowly push open my bedroom door. He's lying curled up like a baby on my bed and looks so peaceful and innocent. I wonder if I can even help him through this, make him better... I want to more than anything.

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