// It's just you and I tonight // (A Matty Healy Fanfiction)

2 years later continued

I run down the stairs and onto the road, walking quickly to the tube station. I wipe my eyes and breathe deeply, trying to calm myself. I have Stuart. Matty has Gemma. That's fine.
I sigh as I queue to buy a coffee, lighting my second cigarette of the day and inhaling. I broke up with him. If I want him again I should just say! Who knows, he might dump Gemma for me! But then I think... she's better than I'll ever be, she's perfect! Why would he want me now he's had that?! I order my coffee and look at my phone, 3 missed calls from Stuart. I press ring and hold the phone to my ear. He picks up after 3 rings
"Hey Holly" he says cheerfully
"Hey" I reply
"Listen, I'm at work so could you ring later if it's urgent?"
"Oh, yeah I forgot sorry! Just wondering why you rang me three times?"
"Oh yes, I went to your flat but your flatmate said you were meeting someone? I was going to ask you out for dinner, I got a promotion!"
"Oh, that's great!" I smile vaguely
"Yes so now I actually have my own office" he laughs a little
"That's great!" I say again "I'll call you later!"
"Okay" he says "love you!"
"Bye" I reply, I couldn't say it back.

I decide I need some girly advice on this so I check my watch. 11am. Jamie should be free for a chat. I dial her number as I sip my coffee and sit down at one of the plastic tables outside the tiny café, continuing to smoke.
"Hey!" She says after a few rings
"Hey! Listen, shits gone down - can you meet for lunch or a coffee or something?"
"Yeah.. should be fine! When?"
"Um... as soon to now as possible!"
"Oh right okay... yeah where are you?"
"I'm near Matty's and George's... by the tube station!" We always asked why they don't share a house when they bought them so close together but they said they'll do enough of that on tour so it's nice to have their own space
"Oh well I'm at George's so come over now!"
"Is he there?" I ask
"No no" she reassures me "he's out with Adam"
"Oh okay" I smile "be there in 10". Things have never been the same with me and George since Matty overdosed. He'd stayed overnight in hospital after he woke up and me and George had just sat there in silence. I don't know if he still likes me but I assume he's distancing himself from me because a bit of him still does.

I hang up and bin my coffee, smoking as I walk and heading up the road to George's.
When we had got to the end of year 13, Jamie decided not to go to Uni as she'd always planned, but to be a model. She got scouted for an agency and eventually ended up getting a decent amount of work. It does make me a little sad that she's not doing something which particularly values her as a person, she has much more to offer than just her looks.
Her and George basically share his place which is a slightly less flash and not quite as well located flat on the edge of the high street. It's bigger than Matty's, though, with a "recording studio" that they do the majority of their work in. The band has a reasonable following now, mostly online, but they get turn outs of 100 people or more for gigs sometimes and fans that wear the tshirt.

I see the apartment building and walk up some stairs to the flat and knock. Jamie answers, still in a pyjama top and leggings and eating a bowl of Weetabix.
"Hey, sorry I'm not dressed" she says through a mouthful of food "ugh, Hols you're smoking again! How many's that today?"
"4" I say "and I've only been up about an hour" I walk in and she shuts the door behind me
"Shit, really?! What's happened it must be bad or-"
"I slept with Matty again last night"
"Oh, god" she groans
"And I met his girlfriend"
"Oh god!" She exclaims as I walk in, still smoking
"I know! And she's all blonde and booby and sexy and fucking... alligator boots and all that and I'm standing there like a fucking-"
"Yeah I know" She says, shutting the door behind us and putting the kettle on in the kitchen
"What do you mean you know?" I ask, surprised
"Gemma, I work with her! That's kind of how they met I guess... sorry, Hols" of course Gemma's a fucking model.
"Oh right" I say "how long ago did they meet?"
"Umm well we were out for drinks after a shoot about a month ago and I invited George and he brought Matty and-"
"Oh for fucks sake!" I slump down in a chair and bury my head in my hands
"Oh no... you still like him don't you?" She asks, dread on her face
"Yep! I guess I do!" I say, sitting back and inhaling from my cigarette, then exhaling again "I didn't think I did, y'know, I thought I was fine with Stuart and he was perfect for me but I... Matty said that I've changed since I've started dating him, do you think I have?"
"Changed?" She says, looking uncomfortable "not in a bad way... you're more... grown up"
"Grown up?!" I say, insulted "you mean 'boring'?!"
"No not boring!!" She says, concerned "you just.... you've gone from looking and acting like a band member's girlfriend.... to looking and acting like a solicitor's girlfriend!" I throw my head into my hands with a noise of frustration just as the kettle boils and Jamie goes to make the tea.
"Listen" she says, placing a cup down next to me "Staurt's a lovely guy and you two are cute together. Don't let one night with Matty ruin that."
"It's been more than one.."
"Really?!" She says, her eyes lighting up "how was it?" I smile cheekily, I can't help it
"Amazing" I say "with Stuart it's good... but with Matty it's... is something else"
"I know what you mean" she smiles, but then her face grows serious again "now, at some point today ring him and tell him how you feel. Just say it and see, what's the worst that can happen?"
"He could reject me!" I reply. She comes and sits next to me, taking the cigarette from my hand and putting it in George's ashtray, then putting her arm around me
"Well then you have Stuart who treats you well, has a stable income, is supportive and who you know will always be there for you! Is that so bad just because he's maybe not as exciting as Matty?"
"Yeah... I guess you're right!" I smile.
"Now" she says, standing up and walking to the fridge "George made teriyaki pork last night, fancy microwaving some instead of going out for lunch?"
"Sounds great" I say.

Jamie prepares the food as we chat about small things. How annoying my flatmate Anna is, how my degree's going, the hot male models at her work, the funny stories of things that happen on shoots. She dishes up the food and we sit out on the tiny balcony in the warm summery air. This time of year, the end of the summer, always reminds me of Camp. It was this time of year when all of those amazing memories were made. They feel like centuries ago now.
"I need to ask you something" Jamie says
"Oh okay" I say, putting down my cutlery "go for it!"
"Well obviously me and George are getting married in a couple months and... I know it's short notice and all that but I want you to be my maid of honour!" A grin spreads across my face
"Oh my god! Yes! Thank you!" We hug and grin excitedly "oh my god I still can't believe you're going to be 'Jamie Daniel'!" She laughs
"Well, I'm not taking his name but yeah, it's amazing"
"Oh..." I say, confused "Why aren't you taking his name?"
"Well, I just feel like I wouldn't be me with a different name!... and he agrees!"
"Fair enough!" I smile. I always thought I'd be Holly Healy... that has a nice ring to it "oh god it's all so soon!"
"Yeah I know! But we had to set a date before the tour didn't we!" I freeze
"Tour?"
"Yeah the European tour! ...Oh god nobody would've said would they?! The 1975 are doing their first tour! Girlfriends can come but otherwise is just the band... they've got a bus and everything, it's legit!"
"How long will it be for?"
"4 months, possibly 6" she says and my heart sinks
"You'll miss my graduation!" I say, trying not to sound too upset
"Oh god will we?" She says "I'm so sorry, Holly, we'll have a big party when we're back!"
"but I'll be so lonely without you guys around I-"
"You'll have Stuart!" She says, trying to reassure me
"I guess" I say quietly, trying to keep it together. 6 months with my best friend and the love of my life away from me!?

I promise myself to tell Matty before they go. I can do this.

_____________________
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A note about Matty's "breakdown":

1. Matty is human like all the rest of us. He's allowed to be vulnerable and unable to cope sometimes.
2. This does not mean he has a mental health issue or that he is back on drugs.
3. Anyone making big assumptions like that should remember that they have no right to diagnose him based on one night of his life, especially when none of us have spoken to him in this state.
4. We all need to try not to worry about him too much. He's a grown man with a great support network to get him through and help him. Don't lose sleep over it, he will get help if he needs it.

Xxxxxxx