// It's just you and I tonight // (A Matty Healy Fanfiction)

Matty to stay: Day 4

"Morning" George says as I walk into the kitchen
"Hey" I say. He's cooking scrambled eggs on the hob, Matty sits perched on the top of the dishwasher. I can feel I've interrupted something, the atmosphere is awkward. Matty doesn't look like he's slept a lot, if at all. I'm not annoyed at him for last night, more confused and worried for him. That's so unlike him to behave that way... we definitely need to talk.

Georges dishes up the eggs and we eat in virtual silence.
"I'm going out in town with Jamie today" George announces "d'you guys wanna come and do something fun? We thought we might see that new film? I don't know... but you guys seem like you could do with a cheer-up?" Matty lights a cigarette and stands up, opening the window and sitting back on the dishwasher. His face is blank, that dead expression is infecting him again.
"Depends what Hols thinks" he says, exhaling
"I'm good for that if you are" I say simply
"Right." Matty says "I'm gonna take a shower" he walks out, leaving the half-eaten plate of eggs and the smell of smoke behind him. I find myself craving a one at the smell.
"I heard about last night" George says, chewing his food "he told me, I came home after Jamie's... bawling his eyes out he was, sitting there just chaining it" he gestures to the dishwasher "I think he sat there for hours"
"Really?! Oh, god it was awful George... you don't know what it was like it was..." I shudder
"Yeah I can imagine... well, to be honest I don't want to imagine!" He pauses for a second, putting down his cutlery and looking me in the eye "Thing you've gotta remember, Hols, is that he's ill... he can't control himself! You need to forgive him, he really is sorry"
"Okay, I'll just act like it didn't happen and maybe we can just forget it? We can talk tonight... I just think we both need to take our minds off it!"
"Yeah" he nods "I think that might be best" he stands and hugs me "we'll get through it" he mumbles, sighing. He's a good hugger, it's just what I need.

We clear up and go upstairs to change and shower. I put on a black jumper and my mom jeans with a leather jacket and burgundy DMs. Matty comes out of the bathroom with a towel around his hips. He's so skinny I can see all of his ribs, it worries me. He puts on his black jeans, a baggy white shirt and a denim jacket lined with a fleecy material. George wears pretty much the same outfit but with a black and white leather jacket. I go into the bathroom and apply basic makeup, trying to put my craving for a cigarette to the back of my mind. Matty's drying his hair when I come back into the room from doing my makeup. He stops the dryer to brush it through and I say
"I forgive you" smiling softly at him
"I don't forgive myself..." he mumbles "it was fucking... I scared myself, Hols, I mean I..." he trails off, seeming unable to word his feelings. I walk towards him and kiss him, tasting the extremely strong taste of cigarettes on his breath
"I love you" I smile
"You, too Babe" he smiles sadly
"Now" I smile "can I have a cigarette?!" He laughs
"Course you fucking can, gorgeous" he pulls a pack out of his pocket and hands one to me. I place it in my mouth and light it, inhaling and exhaling the smoke "you look so sexy when you smoke" he says
"Really?! Cus I've always thought that of you!" I laugh, exhaling
"Really? Maybe it's just because we're incredibly sexy" he winks and comes close to his old cheeky grin
"Definitely" I laugh, inhaling again
"By the way I fucking love this" he gestures to where I have a load of doodles and words written on my wall in Sharpie
"Yeah?"
"Yeah... and this..." he points to where I've written the word 'love' in slightly curly handwriting "I'm gonna get done here" he points to his right forearm, near the elbow.
"Really?" I smile, patting some ash into an old mug on my desk
"Yeah and I think you should get it too" he looks me right in the eyes, an excited expression on his face
"When?!" I'm excited too, if a little scared
"Today! Why not!? Is there a tattoo place in town?" He asks
"Yeah... but I'll need a fake ID, I'm not 18 remember" I realise, disappointed
"Nah, just tell them you'll pay double if they don't ID you, that's what I do!"
"Okay!" I can believe I'm doing this so casually, it feels good to be so impulsive!
Matty gets his phone out and takes a picture of the wall.
"Let's go!" He says excitedly.

I go downstairs to see Jamie and George kissing in the corridor. I get a strange feeling... jealousy?! Please, no...
"Holly!" She says, pulling away, a little embarrassed
"Hey!" I grin
"You're smoking... why are you smoking?" She sounds concerned
"Ugh, you sound like Stuart!" I laugh "I fancied one"
"Um... okay?!" She shrugs "are you and Matty ready to go? I heard about-"
"It's fine" I say quickly "he'll be down in a sec I'm sure" I smile
"Okay!" She says, exchanging a look with George.

Matty comes downstairs, also smoking. George lights one as we step outside
"Really?!" Jamie laughs "all of you, really?! Jeez, you're like fucking chimneys!" We laugh.

We take the bus into town and me and Matty chat all the way
"So how much does it hurt, getting the actual tattoo?"
"Hmm... I'm not gonna lie, it does sting... for me it just feels kinda scratchy! But it's bareable!" He laughs a little
"Oh god, hold my hand won't you?"
"Yeah, yeah! George held mine for my first, didn't you G?"
"Yep, you nearly cried!" George laughs "And don't call me that!"
"Wait, Holly are you talking about getting a tattoo?!" Jamie says, shocked
"Yeah, I'm gonna get one today!"
"What?! What of?!" She's appalled
"We're getting matching" I smile at Matty "'love' written here" I point
"Oh my god, don't!" She pleads "you'll regret it!"
"No I won't" I say bluntly "and anyway, it's my body!" Jamie looks at me disapprovingly, then looks back at George and continues talking.

When we get into town we head straight for McDonalds. Matty and George wait for the food while Jamie and me save a table.
"Listen, last night must've been so horrible, Holly" Jamie says, putting her hand on my arm across the table "you dealt with it so well, You're dealing with it so well now! But don't go and get a tattoo with him... I mean, do you really think your relationship will last?! Really?!"
"Yes!" I say, a little outraged "when he's better it-"
"But what if he's never better?! What if every couple months, years, I dunno, he gets like this again! Some addicts do that, they work in cycles!" I consider this for a moment... I never considered that maybe he won't get better?!
"Look... I love him. I really do. That's all there is to it!" She shrugs and sighs then looks out the window. I decide to change the subject
"So what about you and George, how were you last night?" A smile creeps into her face
"Oh, Holly, honestly it was like nothing in the world... we did EVERYTHING and I mean everything... oh god, and he did this thing where he-"
"I don't want to know gritty details" I say quickly "spare me that" we laugh
"Okay" she says. There's a pause.
"I haven't had sex in nearly six months" I blurt out
"What?! Really?! Why?"
"Well, I hadn't seen him in 2 or 3 months before this week... and we haven't while he's been here cus he hasn't wanted to apart from, y'know, last night... and all the other times we haven't been able to because we've been at mine or his with our parents around!" I realise how desperate and annoyed I sound
"Oh well that's shit! I feel for you on that... me and George haven't gone more than 2 weeks for about... ooh a year? But then he comes down regularly"
"And he's not a coke addict" I add
"That too" she smiles sadly.

_______________________
THANKS FOR 18K

VOTE! VOTE! VOTE!

The Wattpad app is playing up for me (it deleted this whole part and I had to re-write!) so this may affect update speed of it does this again! Hopefully not

// L O V E //

Xxxxxxx