// It's just you and I tonight // (A Matty Healy Fanfiction)

Matty to stay: Day 5 continued

I bring the teas into the living room and take my place on the sofa next to Matty. We sip tea and watch telly for a couple more hours before Matty starts to get a bit edgy.
"Ugh" he moans
"What?" I ask
"Fucking... craving again... I mean, seriously it's fucking..." he breathes deeply and combs his fingers through his hair.
"Aw, babe" I say awkwardly "you know you can't have anything"
"Yeah I fucking know that, Hols" he snaps
"...Sorry" I mutter, sarcastically
"Wanna go for a walk, mate?" George says, saving the day
"Alright" replies Matty as he gets up and walks to the door
"See you girls in a bit" George says, winking as he leaves - I'm not sure who to.

Me and Jamie make cheesy chips for lunch and eat them in the kitchen as its too smoky inside the lounge. They're gone two hours before they come back again.
"Heyy" Matty says cheerily, striding into the kitchen
"Hey!" I smile as he picks me up from my chair and kisses me
"Got any chips for us?" George asks, following Matty inside
"Yeah, there's some on the tray" I smile
"Aw, cheers babe" he grins, dishing onto two plates and handing one to Matty. They eat hungrily. They've been smoking a lot, I can tell by the smell. Whatever, it's cheered him up at least.
"Oh yeah! We got tequila! So tonight is all drinking games!" Matty announces
"Drinking games?" I ask "can't we just drink casually?"
"Nah, it's a laugh come on!" He kisses me twice and I agree.

We start drinking around 6, the sun set long ago and the dark winter night is setting in. I'm on around my 20th cigarette today but I couldn't care less, at the end of the day I know I won't smoke when Matty's gone, I never do.
"Okay so how about... beer pong first?" Matty suggests
"Nooo" groans George "that's so shit"
"What d'you wanna play then?"
"I have never!" Jamie says, excitedly "I saw it on a film and-"
"You mean 'never have I ever'?" Matty asks
"Yeah" Jamie laughs, a little embarrassed
"How d'you play?" I ask him
"So... I say something I've never done... and all you lot drink if you've done it! We go around the circle"
"Sounds good" I smile as Matty swigs the tequila, smiling but with an edge of sadness to his expression. I don't think he's drinking for fun.
"Okay - I'll start since I never do" George says "never have I ever... worn women's clothes" me and Jamie drink, I look to Matty
"What about your flowery shirt? That's for women!" Everyone laughs
"Oh yeah!" He laughs along with us as he drinks.
"Okay, my go!" Says Jamie "never have I ever... kissed Matty!" Me and George exchange a look then drink, laughing. Matty's grinning
"I'm such a slut" he laughs "okay my go... never have I ever... ugh I can't think of one... never have I ever... got a piercing!" Me and Jamie drink
"Okay" I say "never have I ever... umm... never have I ever kissed a girl!" Matty and George drink
"Go onthen!" Matty gestures towards me and Jamie, his words slurring
"Go on what?" I ask, smiling
"Kissher!" We laugh and I roll my eyes, leaning over and pecking Jamie on the lips
"That lookedshit... but I'll giveyouit" he says, laughing.

The game goes on and it's not particularly interesting, we all get more drunk though, me and Jamie the least because we've done the least! Matty is absolutely hammered!
"Mate, youshould... slowdown" George says to Matty
"Youfucking... slow... mate" I sigh and pull Matty to his feet, taking him upstairs and putting him to bed (well, dumping him onto my bed!) and walking back downstairs. The last thing he needs is to have a hangover tomorrow. I grab a glass and fill it with water, taking it to him and encouraging him to drink it. He manages a few sips before falling asleep. I throw my hair up and try to walk down the stairs without tripping. George is in the kitchen, splashing his face with water trying to sober up.
"You betterput... Jamie to bed too" he slurs "she's... a bit ill" I sigh and go into the living room to find Jamie looking decidedly green and swaying a little
"Come on" I say, swaying a little myself. She makes it to the spare bed without being sick and I decide she's fine, heading downstairs. George is down there watching some chat show or another. I sit down next to him and he cuddles into me, wrapping his arm around me. I think nothing of it and watch the show with him. I'm not really paying attention to anything going on and before I know it it's over.
"You know... you're gorgeous, Hols and I'm not gonna lie... I'd love you to be my girlfriend but I know you're not gonna be so I'll shut up about it, okay? But please just kiss me one last time and I'll forget it! I know it's fucking... but please?" There's pleading in his voice. I turn my head to look him in the eyes... something in his open, friendly face makes me want to please him. I lean in and kiss him, it's good like I remember.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!" Someone shouts from the doorway. I jump out of my skin.
"Matty! Oh my god it's not what it looks like!" He looks furious, more angry than I've ever seen. His eyes are slightly out of focus from drink.
"Yeah mate, seriously it was me not-"
"YOU KNOW WHAT?! I DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR EXCUSES!" His voice cracks into a tearful whisper "you say you love me, Hols, then you fucking have sex with my best friend?!"
"I haven't had sex with him! Not since that one time on Camp... And even then I was off my face, it was a mistake!"
"No, Hols lets be honest" George says
"What do you mean?!" I look at him in horror
"You were not off your face... And neither was I... we chose to do what we did. There. Now I can feel so much better about all this!"
"WHAT?!" Matty shouts at me "That's the only reason I fucking forgave you for that!" we're both crying now
"I'm sorry! I don't know why I did it! It made me realise I love you and-"
"WELL IT CLEARLY FUCKING DIDN'T IF YOU'RE FUCKING MAKING OUT WITH HIM!" He stops shouting and puts his head in his hands "...and I... I've always been faithful to you Hols I-"
"Matty - we are gonna tell the truth right now. Tell Holly, for fucks sake! I'm so sick of going between you... Tell her!"
"Tell me what?" I choke through my tears. There's a silence. Matty combs his hand through his hair. George waits.
"I... there have been... at parties and shit like that... but I have been drunk or high I mean, not like you two fucking... I'm sorry and I do love you I just... the long distance is killing me"
"..." I make a small noise but no words come out "I... what?! How many?! How many times?"
"... I dunno... I lost count... but I bet you've been fucking that Stuart twat... seem pretty cosy with him!" He mumbles
"No I fucking haven't! I hadn't had sex in 6 months before last night!" There's a silence. Matty gulps.
"Yeah well... I... when I do coke I get... you've seen me! I get... I want to! And when you're not there I..."
"That's not a fucking excuse" I say bitterly, tears in my eyes.
"Well what do we do then. If we can't even be fucking faithful to each other what's the point?!" He's not shouting now but it's so much harder to hear that he's so calm all of a sudden.
"Because... because I fucking love you" I burst into tears. He starts to cry a little too.
"I love you too Hols... but be real, do you fucking want me?! I'm a mess. You deserve better. It's true, admit it. You deserve a twat like Stuart who's not going to fucking... mess you up."
"You're not... I-"
"No. He's right. I literally fucked you up to make me feel better... look at you! Look at yourself and tell me you used to be like that before you met me! You're there like half dressed... smoking... drunk..." he bursts into tears "I'm just done... I'm sorry I'm just... I'm sorry" he kisses me quickly on the forehead, pulls his shoes on and runs out of the door.

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Shoutout to my friend Laura who encouraged me to start all this! She made me feel so much more confident about my writing - without her this book wouldn't exist!

Xxxxxx