// It's just you and I tonight // (A Matty Healy Fanfiction)

Matty to stay: Day 2 continued

Me and Stuart walk out of English together but as we walk past reception I hear a familiar voice
"Hols!" I turn around, it's George! He runs toward me grinning and lifts me off my feet in a huge hug, spinning me around. His strength makes me feel weightless and I grin too. He puts me down.
"Hey! You're early! Oh my god I'm so glad to see you!"
"Get on my back!" he shouts
"What?!" I laugh
"You heard me, come on babe!" he pulls me into his back and runs as fast as he can in no particular direction
"Put me down!" I scream and laugh.
Everyone is staring as we go past and Stuart is running to keep up. Eventually he puts me down and laughs
"Fucking fab, Hols" he shouts and I suddenly realise
"Oh no... really George?!"
"What?!" he asks
"You're stoned aren't you!"
"Noo..." he says, then bursts out laughing "it's just weed, Hols"
"Ugh... we're meant to be helping Matty stay clean and there's you getting stoned!" I put my head in my hands
"Look, I knew I wouldn't be able to have any this week and I fancied a joint... don't worry I don't have any on me!"
"That's not the point!" I shout "we have to support him by doing what he's doing!"
"Well what shall I do... I'm here?!" I lean in and smell him
"You can smell it... there's no way you can see him like this.."
"Well where can I go?"
"Umm... you could go back to mine?"
"I don't know where it is!"
"I do" Stuart says "it's right near my Dad's house, Woodbridge Avenue right? I could walk him back there when I go home to my Dad's today"
"Yeah number 12... but don't you have lessons now?"
"Nah, I've got frees until last then another English lesson, I was gonna go home now and come back later!"
"Oh thanks that's perfect! Is that alright with you George?"
"Fucking great, me and... wait what's your name mate?"
"Stuart" he says
"Me and Stu will have a right laugh won't we mate?"
"Yeah I guess so" he smiles "come on then George, see you later for English, Hols"
"Thanks! See ya" I smile and walk towards the common room and Matty.
"Love you Hols!" shouts George as he walks away "Sorry!" I smile a little and wave at him.
I get to the common room and find Matty sitting alone with his headphones in, looking depressed
"Is G here yet?" He asks grumpily
"Er... nope! He won't be here till later so he's gonna just go straight to mine"
"Ugh, fucks sake" he rolls his eyes and looks at his phone, putting it away and removing his earphones. "is there a music room here? Like, a practice room I could use? I need to do something I'm going crazy just sitting here bored"
"Um... yeah there should be? Shall we go look?"
"Yep" he says shortly grabbing is bag and following me to the music block. Dotted around the block are tiny cupboard-like rooms that contain everything from pianos to drum kits. They're sound proofed and probably used to look quite high tech. I find one for him with a piano and an acoustic guitar with a large dent on the neck.
"This'll do" he mumbles "cheers Hols" he sits down at the piano and begins to play, I can see his hands shaking a little from withdrawal. Suddenly he turns to me
"Not being funny, Hols, but can you leave? It's just I'm gonna write and I kinda want to be alone" he turns back to the piano
"Yeah okay... bye" I leave and shut the door. Rude. I can tell that's just a lame excuse to be alone again.
Later on I'm relieved to have English with Stuart again.
"How was George?" I ask, smiling
"Umm... stoned... but he seemed alright!" he laughs "that's Jamie's Boyfriend, yeah?"
"Yeah it is" I hesitate then whisper "we had a bit of a thing together at one point" I don't know why I'm telling him this...
"Oh yeah?" he says curiously "was that before Matty or...?"
"Um... kind of... when I was with Matty... but I was off my face so... And it was just one time... we've talked about it and stuff, it's okay"
"Yeah I guess you wouldn't know what you were doing! Off your face on what might I ask?"
"Er... E" I say, slightly ashamed
"What's E?" He asks. I laugh, then correct myself
"Ecstacy" I reply "Speed"
"...Oh" says Stuart slowly "I never realised you did any more than weed Holly?"
"Yeah I did..."
"Did Matty push you into that?" he sounds annoyed
"No no no it was all my choice, really!" I reassure him hastily
"But... why would you do that?"
"I don't know, a bit of fun! You can't say you've never been curious about drugs before?"
"Not enough to try them" he mutters. I don't know how to reply to that so I don't. It's weird... when I'm with Matty I always feel inexperienced and innocent... And even ignorant or childish! Whereas when I'm with Staurt I feel overexperienced... rebellious and sometimes even slutty! I know neither try and make me feel this way. I wonder which I prefer... I'm not sure.
After this the conversation becomes less frequent... I can tell Stuart disapproves of me, which irritates me considerably. After the lesson we walk to the common room and I don't find Matty there so we head to the music practice rooms. Surely he can't still be writing? It's been well over 2 hours! We reach the room and sure enough, there he is. Papers full of his messy handwriting are placed and screwed up all around the room and he sits at the piano, playing. It sounds beautiful.
"Hey" I smile, glad to see him proactive "Get out!" He shouts "Now. Out. You can't see any of this!"
"Don't tell me to-" I start but Stuart leads me out of the room and Matty slams the door on our faces. "Fucks sake!" I shout when he shuts it "do you see what I mean about him being a dick?!"
"You shouldn't say that, Holly, he's writing - you can understand why he wouldn't want anyone to see it before it's done" I'm angry that he's making excuses for him
"Didn't you hear how rude he just was?!" As I say this he opens the door having packed away the papers and looks at me with that dead look in his eyes. He then turns his eyes to Stuart and looks him up and down.
"This is Stuart" I say "my friend" Stuart smiles at him
"Alright, mate"
Matty nods vaguely and doesn't say anything. I sigh and we walk out of school. As soon as we're out of the building he starts to smoke
"You can have a pull now if you like, Hols? Since you were begging so much this morning" his tone is spiteful and blunt and I feel embarrassed
"I didn't beg." I say back, equally coldly "I don't smoke"
"You do when you're trying to be sexy" he says under his breath. This hits me pretty hard... what does he mean 'trying'?! Why is he patronising me like this in front of Stuart?!
"Excuse me?!" I say, raising my voice
"Nothing" says Matty.
Stuart gives me a worried look but I mouth "it's fine" at him behind Matty's back.
The bus ride is awkward. We talk little, but I only talk to Stuart. Matty is clearly in a strop about him being here.
When we get back to the house, Stuart turns off to walk to his dad's a few doors down
"Cya, Hols" he says "bye Matty" Matty nods. When we get inside he says
"Did he just call you Hols?! Only I call you Hols"
"Oh, don't start that! That's the first time he's ever said that, it was probably just a slip of the tongue"
"Ugh" he replies with a scowl.
As I walk towards the kitchen, leaving Matty to take his shoes off, I smell the delicious smell of meat cooking and spices. I open the door to the kitchen and George is standing at the stove in my Mum's pink Apron, stirring a pot of curry and singing along to 'Rather Be' on the radio.
"Oh, hey Holly! Thought I'd make this to apologise! It's my special recipe - Chicken Jalfrezi!"
"Aw, that's so sweet! Thank you so much!" I grin as Matty walks in
"G!" He shouts, smiling genuinely for the first time since he's been here
"Don't call me that!" George laughs as they embrace quickly and pat each other on the backs.
"Oh, is that your famous Jalfrezi?" Matty asks
"Yeah, mate! Best I've ever made I think!"
"Aw, yesss" Matty grins again and slaps George on the back.
We spend the next two hours in the kitchen, me sitting at the table doing my coursework and Matty sitting on a surface, cross legged, chatting to George while he stirs the food. Matty isn't ignoring me so much and does apologise in passing for being moody when he was writing
"I just get in this zone, George knows, I just need to be alone and not interrupted"
"Yeah he gets like that" George confirms.
We sit and eat our curry in front of the TV. We watch 'Gogglebox' which we laugh at and take the piss out of. I sit between them and feel for the first time that things are approaching how they were on Camp. The food is delicious, George is an amazing cook and Matty starts to look more well the more he eats.
We go to bed with George on the sofa and me and Matty in my bed. Again, he isn't in the mood for sex or anything but we kiss a little and just before we go to sleep he whispers "I love you".
At about 1am I am woken by a terrifying blood-curdling screaming and shouting in my ear. I wake instantly and scream out of surprise. It's Matty. He's writhing and shouting in his sleep. I extend a hand and touch his arm, but he panics and shouts at me, not recognising who I am. I run out of the room to get George, who's already running upstairs.
"Night terrors" he says "side effect" I
nod, tears streaming down my face.
"What do we do?"
"Sit and talk to him calmly until he realises it's us and wakes up" he sighs "that's all we can do".
We manage to coax him out the bedroom and into the bathroom but he fights us and doesn't trust us. He's shouting
"Stop", "Where are you taking me?!", "Fucking STOP".
We sit with him in the bathroom and eventually he comes to.
"Hols?" He whispers, his voice sleepy and fragile
"Yeah, I'm here" I say letting him lean his head in my arms so that I cradle it and kiss him on the forehead.
"Hols help me I'm shaking please! If you love me you'll get me coke, Hols! Please I'm sorry but I can't- I'll die without it. Please." He's in a cold sweat and he's right, he's shaking like a leaf.
"I can't, babe, I'll make you better I promise I will. You have to try to do this, for me, for us, for George, your mum, the band, everyone who loves you!" he starts to cry
"Look at you two, I'm fucking ruining your lives! If I was dead you'd all be fucking... much better off" he sobs
"No babe, we wouldn't! You dying would ruin our lives not you living!" I start to cry. George puts his hand on Matty's shoulder and sits down next to him.
"She's right, mate" he says. Matty lets out a sob. He's so vulnerable and young-looking... yet so tired.
Outside I can see the sun rising, orange and pink and spreading outwards like an explosion in slow-motion.
"Us against the world?" I say, moving his face so that he looks me in the eyes. After a long silence he mutters
"Yeah. Us against the world"
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