parental book of imagines. | marvel.

Imagine : Numbness | Iron Man

Triggering topics and foul language. Please be advised.
(Inspired by The End of The F***king World)

Suffocating.

That was how you felt when you saw your father huddled into a corner slowly dying.

Everyone was around him saying their goodbyes and leaving their heart broken tears beside him. Why couldn't you feel  anything? Why were you so numb?

...

As a child, when you witnessed your mother take her life in the backyard, you were traumatized which eventually led you into to a spiral of becoming an insensitive and apathetic person. You couldn't help but feel like it was your fault. She had never in her life had been happy, maybe except for her wedding.

She watched you play in the yard and eventually stood up and walked to you. Looking at you with her blue eyes, that were almost angel like, she whispered that she loved you and then proceeded to take her gun out. All you could do was stare. Right then and there, she shot herself letting her blood spill onto your clothes and face.

You didn't move. You didn't scream. You didn't feel.

2 minutes later, the neighbours came by yelling and when they entered the backyard, all they could do was whimper in fear and sadness.

Why didn't you help her?

...

The incident was broadcasted in the news, telling people false accusations and opinions about what happened. Almost four times a week, someone new would come to the door with a platter of food for you and your aunt, who looked over you for a short time, and every time they walked up the broken wooden porch, all they could say was;

"Sorry."

Or

"I'm sorry for your loss."
"She must've been a good woman."

The words that fell from their soft lips would never leave your cloudy mind. You didn't want to hear their apologies, even if they were sincere. The woman who raised you was dead. What more could they do?

Every time they brought up your mom, you would go to sleep with her haunting your mind, telling you that this was your fault.
...

After the funeral, you were sent to live with your father. The man who never knew you existed. When he heard the news about you and your mom, he ignored it, and ignored you.

Growing up, he made you feel like forgotten and guilty and the worst part was, was that it wasn't on purpose. Whenever he said something that hurt you, he wouldn't your notice glossy eyes. Instead he'd joke about your dead depressed mom.

What a dick.

...

There was an accident. It was all cloudy but all you could remember was Tony playing with acidic chemicals and leaving for a couple minutes when you put your hand in. This was what lead to your so called profound abilities.

Sticking your hand the liquid, it sizzled and burnt your soft flesh. The pain was unbearable and it hurt like hell but out of all that, it felt amazing. This was a feeling like never before and instead of taking it out, you left it in.

Tony came back smelling an odour that made him gag. Seeing your hand in the chemical, he ran to you and pushed you onto the hard floor.

He swore at your and took a wrench out. He almost hit you until he saw your glowing veins.

He was going to hit you.
With a wrench.

...

After receiving your powers, he was more tough. Testing you for hours, scolding you for things that weren't your fault and soon, he began lashing out. His facial expressions made you fearful and he your fear for his advantage.

There was an imbalance of power and instead of being equals, he rose above and become a dictatorial the home.

...

Pepper was beside Tony sweet talking him until his final moments and suddenly, he uttered a word out.

"Y/N." He moved his hand outward wanting to hold yours.

He had caused your childhood trauma and kicked you to the curb. Why would you hold his hand?
Everyone turned to you, expecting you to comply. Instead, you moved back trying to get away. Tripping from a piece of rock, you scooted even farther from Tony and everyone else.

...

No one expected you at the funeral but you were there, sitting on a branch of your favourite tree.

Everyone moved inside for warmth and food and you decided to join them. They all were shocked but no one really cared anymore, except for Pepper.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" She yelled.

Everyone became silent. All eyes in you. Expressionless, you answered. "I'm sorry?"

"Your father died and you left him! He raised you and this is what he got!" The tone of her voice made Morgan cower and hide in the waist of Rhodey.

Hand twitching and the cap of your emotion filled bottle came loose. "He hurt me!" You yelled back.

"He didn't do anything a father would! He tested on me for days and hours and almost beat the living crap out of me! My mother wasn't a good person in his eyes and with that, he mentally tormented me! Morgan has it easy!" You said as you pointed to your sister.

"So yeah that's probably why I didn't hold him in arms, praying to God!

Everyone in the room, silent as company in a graveyard, stood in shock not knowing what to say. In their eyes, Tony was an American hero and yet behind his metal suit, no one bothered to peek behind the curtains of his private life. Now with this knowledge, many of the people longed for you and let a few tears slip.

Not being able to contain your powers and emotions, you brushed passed Pepper making sure to implant the memories into her mind.

You slammed the cabin door loudly and never gave a looked back. No one called you after that, except a few close friends and you finally knew who the toxic people in your life were.

Getting this weight off your chest, you sat in your car, crying for the first time in years.
It was time to move on and make yourself a better and more healthy person.

~~~

- BingeReaderClub