Maybe It's Been You All Along - Alex Turner

41

  Alex woke up to the cold reminder of what he'd done the night before as he rolled over to an empty bed. His heart was heavy in his chest as he remembered what he'd said the night before. He shouldn't have shouted at her, no matter how frustrated he was and he cursed at himself for redirecting his anger at Miles to her.

  She didn't speak anymore than those two words to him when he returned. "Goodnight Alex." It stung like a wasp sting. Like he'd stepped on glass or pricked his finger on a cactus needle. She wouldn't look at him, wouldn't turn over and he didn't dare try to hold her that night. He kept apologising but he never got a response. He knew he'd truly upset her.

  He felt horrible climbing into bed next to her, feeling like he didn't deserve to sleep by her side after going off at her. She didn't flinch away from him when he lay down but she stayed right on the edge of the bed the entire night.

  "Rosanna?" Alex had said, his voice aching as he looked at her sleeping figure in the dark. "Please...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you baby..." he spoke helplessly into the dark. Rosanna didn't want to ignore him because she knew it would make him feel horrible but her face was already covered with tears and she'd already told herself she wanted Alex to sleep it off before she spoke to him.

  Alex had then sighed and laid on his back, biting his bottom lip hard as he felt the back of his eyes burn and water as the result of his actions settled in. He wanted to punch himself in the face for hurting Rosanna. He had just sat there, replayed what he'd said to her over and over and how much he wished he'd just calmed down like she said. You fucking asshole. He was awake until his body forced him to sleep and now awake, that awful feeling had made a return.

  He sat upright and looked around the room finding it...empty. The en-suite door was still open and he could see inside that Rosanna wasn't in there. Alex sighed and rested his head in his hands, cursing at himself and feeling a thunderstorm settle over his mind. He didn't know what to do with himself. He didn't know if she would forgive him, or when she would.

  He felt himself start crying again as he thought of how Rosanna must've felt in that moment. He'd never yelled at her before and he'd never planned to. It felt awful. He wiped his nose on his sleeve and got up off the bed, walking over to the en-suite and turning on the light.

  His phone was still in the sink and now had a crack creeping from the upper right corner of the screen. "Fucking hell," Alex sighed to himself and moved the phone out of the sink. What the fuck is wrong with you? He couldn't stop thinking about what Miles had said either. It bruised him to hear that his own friend had tried to ruin his relationship with the love of his life. He never thought of Miles as so sour.

  Washing over his face with cold water Alex looked at his reflection in the mirror and shamed himself for crying when he was the one that hurt Rosanna. Even though he was still hurting about what Miles had done, all he could focus on was Rosanna's feelings.

  Taking a deep breath Alex walked out of his and Rosanna's room and prayed to god that she would be somewhere about the house. Step by step he made his way into the living room where he saw Jude, Madeleine and Mil sitting at the dining table that sat between the living room and kitchen.

  "Oh! Morning Alexander," Jude smiled. "Did you sleep well?"

  Alex forced a smile, "yeah."

  "Feel free to help yourself to breakfast dear," Jude said. "The rest of the men have gone off to the bottle shop, you're lucky Lloyd let you sleep in," Jude smiled.

  Alex made himself toast in the kitchen to avoid looking for Rosanna — not wanting to concern her family that there was anything wrong between them. He did however, wonder where she was and if she was alright.