Maybe It's Been You All Along - Alex Turner

45

  Realisation hit him like a jet plane. He felt sick. Panic flooding his veins as he tore himself off of this mystery girl. Now with adrenaline coursing through him he was finally able to see that the girl on the stool before him looked nothing liked Rosanna and definitely was not her. Rosanna's in Leeds. Rosanna's in fucking Leeds you piece of shit!

  He felt winded and stumbled back from the girl on the stool. She looked at him in confusion but seemed not to care too much that he was backing away. Fuck. Fuck. What have you done. Holy fuck.

  He looked over to his left and saw Matt staring at him wide eyed, frozen in shock. Alex couldn't muster a word to explain himself.

  "Alex," is all Matt said in disbelief.

  Alex felt himself crumble completely. He looked back at the girl on the stool and then at Matt. "I'm gonna be sick," he exclaimed and stumbled out of the bar, almost tripping over and pressing his hand on the outside brick wall of the pub, leaning over to the ground and visibly shaking. "Shit. Shit shit shit fuck," his wavering voice managed.

  Alex's eyes were wide, staring at the pavement as the reality of what he had just done sunk in. "I'm gonna be sick," he said again and felt something rise in his throat. "I'm gonna be fucking sick."

  He heard Matt burst out of the pub and looked over to him only to feel a sharp sting on his cheek. Alex clutched his cheek and stumbled back against the wall as Matt invaded his space and towered over him. "What the fuck is wrong with you Alex!" Matt shouted.

  Alex started crying but he couldn't manage any words.

  "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Matt repeated, shoving Alex's shoulders back onto the wall. "Are you fucking kidding me Alex! Fucking say something, what the fuck was that?"

  "I fucked up, Matthew I fucked up," Alex sobbed, dropping his head in shame as his tears ran down his nose and onto the pavement below them.

  "You fucking think?" Matt spat. Jamie, Nick and their two other friends had now emerged from the pub and stood back and watched the commotion. "What the fuck was that Alex? Are you fucking kidding me?"

  Matt grabbed Alex's chin and forced him to look up at him. Alex could barely see anything. His tears had created a cloudy glass filter over his vision. "I thought it were her Matt. I did. I should've known it wasn't but I thought it was her," Alex cried. "I'm gonna be fucking sick."

  "Why the fuck would it ever be Rosanna?" Matt spat. "You're fucking unbelievable you know that?"

  Alex leant back onto the wall, weak and exhausted. His body and mind killing itself for what he'd done. Alex wanted to punch himself in the face. He wanted to break his own nose. Rosanna didn't deserve him, he felt like a scumbag.

  "I hate myself," Alex cried, "I fucking hate myself. Fuck. Fuck Matthew! What the fuck is wrong with me?" In that moment he thought of how his actions were going to affect Rosanna and began panicking. "I'm gonna loose her. I'm gonna fucking loose her. I'm going to loose her and it's my fault for being such a fucking idiot!"

  Alex started hyperventilating and felt his throat clog up and shoved Matt off him as he turned to his side and threw up on the pavement.

  "Jesus Christ Alex," he heard Jamie say.

  His lips felt diseased. He couldn't believe himself for being so careless. So delusional that he let himself kiss another woman. "Fuck," he said, "Rosanna...fuck Rosanna...I'm s—I'm so sorry," he started saying to himself, tears flowing out of his eyes. He couldn't believe what he'd just done. Shit shit shit I've got to call her. Fuck you son of a bitch! You fucking scumbag! Alex fumbled his phone out of his pocket, swearing and crying as he frantically searched for Rosanna's number.