"If tomorrow comes and I forget about this, and I forget about you, will you still love me?"
Yesterday. Love. Nothing else matters to Lee Gabriel than Odyssey Lee. If love was a manifestation, iyon ay ang pag-ibig ni Lee. At unti-unti rin yong naram...
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May 16, 2019
The rain is pouring so hard, halos wala nang makita si Lee sa labas. Sobrang bilis na rin ng pag-andar ng mga wipers ng windshield ng brown sedan. Mabagal na rin ang pag-usad ng mga sasakyan dahil sa ulan at trapiko.
Lee tried to divert her attention towards the scenery outside. Pero wala rin naman siyang makita kundi ang malabong refraction ng mga ilaw na nanggagaling mula sa sasakyan. Nahihilo na siya. She just really wanted to ignore the misery in her heart and pretend like everything's okay. But her sinuses continue to hurt. Siguro ganito talaga ang nangyayari kapag pinipigilan mong umiyak. Her cheeks are involuntarily starting to get sucked inwards.
Kahit na anong gawin niya, she just can't ignore the palpable presence of the man driving. Parang kahit saan siya lumingon, kahit hindi siya dito nakatingin at kahit natatakpan naman ito ng driver's seat, ramdam na ramdam niya pa rin ito.
For the longest time, she has trained herself to feel nothing. And almost everytime she has succeeded. Madali lang naman kasi talagang ipawalang-bahala 'yung nararamdaman. Especially in her case, right now. A lot of things are currently happening in her life that is distracting her from her feelings.
Ngayon niya lang naintindihan how her parents have managed to cope up with their everyday work after quarrelling with each other the whole night.
Laking pagtataka niya noon kung paano nila 'yun nagagawa dati dahil kapag siya, isang maliit na pagtatalo lang nila ni Odi, hindi na siya makatulog— isang katiting na 'di pagkakaunawaan— kapag hindi siya pinansin nito, kapag nagbago ang mood kahit kaunti, kapag may ginawa itong kakaibang bagay na wala sa mga normal nitong ginagawa, nagiging senstibo siya sa lahat ng 'yun para pag-isipan lahat ng desisyon at ginawa niya buong araw na maaring naging dahilan nito dati.
But now, she can completely understand. There are really some great responsibilities that will eclipse the weight of everything— including your emotions. But the thing is, it doesn't really go away. The distractions will just keep your feelings at bay. And as soon as it's gone and you've come face to face with the very source of pain, it will be very hard to keep your sanity.
And this realization just hit her right now. Just as tears keep flowing from her eyes. Panay ang pagpapanggap niya na patak pa rin ng ulan ang pinupunasan. And she just turned her choking sobs into a pretend-cough.
"Gusto mo tubig?"
Inabot niya ang tubig na binibigay ni Danielle at ininom 'yun. But suddenly, her pretend-cough turned real like a karmic reaction of her pretense. And all of a sudden, she had a violent coughing fit.
"Uminom ka." Danielle coaxed her to drink which she did after the cough subsided. Sa lahat ba naman kasi ng pagkakataon, ngayon pa siya nasamid sa saril niyang laway.
Good thing it became a good excuse to have tears in her eyes. Dahil sa matinding pag-ubo, the pain in her heart subsided, but it was then physically painful right there on her chest.
