"If tomorrow comes and I forget about this, and I forget about you, will you still love me?"
Yesterday. Love. Nothing else matters to Lee Gabriel than Odyssey Lee. If love was a manifestation, iyon ay ang pag-ibig ni Lee. At unti-unti rin yong naram...
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July 14, 2019, evening
Halos maubos na ni Perci ang kuko niya at mga kalyo. Fidgeting wasn't enough to calm his nerves.
Simula kasi nang umalis ang ate Lee niya kanina, hindi niya na alam ang gagawin niya. He wanted to call her, lest send some text messages, but he first wanted to gauge the extent of the situation.
Kung anong alam nito at kung paano niya ipapaliwanag ang mga bagay na nangyari.
He felt raw and exposed.
Lahat ng sinusulat niya doon, he wrote without any filter. Without any pretence. Pero ebolusyon 'yun ng mga nararamdaman niya sa loob ng ilang taon.
Just like what Lee asked him to do, he processed his feelings through these journals. Ang tanungan niya kung tama ba 'yung nararamdaman niya sa bawat sitwasyon na inihaharap siya ng mundo. Takbuhan niya kapag nalilito siya, kapag kinu-kuwestiyon niya ang konsensya niya. Sukatan kung gaano na kalayo ang narating niya maturidad niya.
Lahat-lahat ng nasa isip niya nandoon.
But like a lot of things, some of his thoughts also develop— a lot of things change. Kasabay ng paghanap at pagsagot niya ng ibang tanong, may mga nadidiskubre din siyang bago sa buhay at sa sarili niya, salamat sa pagsusulat niya ng lahat ng importanteng nararamdaman niya.
Minsan, kapag binabalikan niya, nagtataka o natatawa siya sa mga dating nakasulat. Madalas namamangha na lang siya sa pinagbago niya. But he also becomes so sad when his character relapses. Pero ganoon talaga. People get better and worse.
Pero ang mahalaga, he can track himself. Hindi naman talaga siya madaling tumanda ng mga bagay-bagay. Pero kapag nagugulat sa kanya ang mga tao sa paligid niya, he just smiles. But in truth is, his journals are his hacks. He keeps on writing and writing the important events and take aways of his life, at sa huli, natatandaan niya na.
Pero ngayon, hindi niya talaga alam kung anong posisyon niya at gagawin niya.
Hindi niya napaghandaan ang panahon na may makakabasa ng journal niya sa ganoong paraan. Everybody that he knew has put a great deal of privacy and personal space. Hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit nagawa 'yun ng ate niya.
He banged his fist on the bar. Naggalawan ang ibang mga basong nakapatong doon, kabilang na ang tatlong shot glass ng nainom niyang vodka.
"Relax, Perseus." Ani Miguel. Ang bartender ng Ragnanival— Perci's favorite night bar after he dested La Renta.
"Sorry..."
"Nandiyan lang si Monique, nabadtrip ka na naman."
"Ha?"
Doon niya lang napansin na nandoon nga si Monique sa dance floor. Akala tuloy ni Miguel na ito ang dahilan kung bakit siya nahampas ang bar.
He looked at her. Still the same party girl he liked. Pretty. Laid back. The kind of girl who looked better in motions. While dancing. While flipping her hair. While smiling and looking back at him as she jogs. While making out.
