The Enigmatic Outlander

20 - I see. You have decided to wear your pants...

Louis's Pov

I opened my eyes with a start when I felt Shaden hyperventilating beside me. She kept shaking her head from side to side, muttering something in her native language continuously. After a while she started trashing and I had to hold her hands tightly to prevent her from falling down from the bed.

Tears started streaming down her cheeks as she continued trashing despite me trying my hardest to keep her down. Who am I kidding? She is so freaking strong. I held both her hands above her head with my left hand and threw my leg over her body to stop her from shaking so vigorously. I shook her face which was painted with sweat using my right hand.

"Shaden wake up, it's just a dream. It's going to be alright." I said in a soothing voice. Or that's how I was aiming at sounding. She started whimpering and tears rolled down at a faster rate now.

"Please, let me see them at least once. I just want to see them. Please don't send me away. Please." She kept begging. I didn't know what she was begging for, but I for sure know that I wanted to give her anything she wants. The desperation in her voice is really killing me.

"Shaden, it's okay. I promise. I am right here. Don't worry and you are dreaming. Wake up. Please, for me Simba. Please." I requested. 

She finally opened her eyes after a lot of coaxing. She was still crying and when she looked at me she cried even more. This is the first time I am seeing her cry after that terrace incident, before she punched the wall.

"Shhh.... I got you." I murmured while wiping away her tears. She launched herself at me and buried her face in my shoulder. Her body shook with tremors as she cried in my arms. I smoothed her hair and kissed her hair line while whispering in her ears.

After a while she got up and looked embarrassed. "I am sorry. You didn't have to see me like that." She apologized averting her eyes from mine.

"What are you sorry for? Remember I was the guy who broke down in front of you in the car." I joked and she managed to give me a great smile. I held her fidgeting fingers and squeezed them gently. "Does that happen often?" I asked and she again tried to avoid eye contact.

I moved closer to her, holding her hands in my lap and I lifted her head using my fingers. "You know that you can tell me right?" I asked her gently and she nodded her head.

"Yeah, it happens maybe thrice a week or something." She said with a shrug.

"Is it something traumatic?" I asked her stupidly. Of course, it should be something traumatic. Why else would she have nightmares about it?

"Not traumatic exactly" she said wincing at that thought. "It's more like a bad memory." She said.

"Do you wanna speak about it?" I asked pulling her closer to me and she didn't object it. She shook her head.

"I am really sorry. I want to speak to you about it, but I can't." she said in a strained voice. "I am pretty sure you know that there are so many secrets with me. Hell! You even saw and heard some by your own. Thanks for still sticking with me and thanks for not asking me anything." She said tearing up again.

"Stop thanking me. I am feeling awkward." I said laughing.

"I am soo sorry. I am such a bad person. Such a bad friend. You told me about some of the hardest things in your life and yet I am not able to tell you anything. I am so sorry Louis." She started crying again. I immediately engulfed her in a hug and kept patting her back. I kept trying to calm her down and when that didn't help I held her by her shoulders and made her look up at me.

"Shaden, look here. It's okay. I know there is so much going on with you and I am not really expecting you to spill everything to me. I should be the one who is sorry. I am sorry that I can't be of any help to you. I am sorry that I don't know what to say in these kinds of situations. And I am really really sorry that I am not able to offer you the comfort you deserve. And who said you are a bad friend? You are anything but that. I love you so fucking much and I am glad that you could be friends with me. Even without doing anything, you just give me comfort and peace." I said looking into her dark brown eyes. They were almost black. She starred back at me with her mouth wide open and sniffed her nose.