YOU FOUND ME

CHAPTER 6- PART 1

Teniola Adams

      After the conversation I had with mum over the weekend, I'd been so hurt and couldn't stop thinking.
That was a part of me that still remained broken after all my years of being a Christian. Maybe because I'd never been able to bring myself to deal with it. Actually, I was too afraid to try.
The fact that my dad, or better put, the man who contributed to my being alive was trying to come back into our lives after all the havoc he had caused.

    But it wasn't always like this. I still have faint memories of the good times we shared as a family. How he used to buy my favourite candy while returning from work in the evenings. I remembered how he would tickle me and I would roll on the floor playfully, while trying to escape from his strong hands. Those hands would carry me to sit on his broad shoulders while we took evening strolls in the neighbourhood. He prided himself as the comedian of our house but despite his dry jokes, I would laugh so hard till tears ran through my cheeks and my stomach hurt.
I looked forward to meal times, because he would always leave a part of his meat deliberately on his plate for me.
He was my hero, the man who could do no wrong in my eyes. I would boast to my friends that my dad would always defend me and give me all I wanted.
But I was wrong.

    I started to notice the changes about a week after my brother Ayo clocked six.
He forgot to get me candy after work. No more play fights and tickles. I would wait for hours for him to return from dinner, but I would eventually get tired of waiting and sleep off on the couch which meant no extra meat for me that day.
He started to come home every other day. He started to raise his voice at mum while they were having conversations. He complained about everything, from mum's cooking to how the economy was so terrible hence no money. We barely talked about my day at school anymore since he would leave almost as soon as he stepped in.
I remember how I became so worried that I asked my mum incessant questions but I could see she was as confused as I was.
Mum had started going to church more frequently, especially vigils. I would overhear her praying loudly from her room, with long sobs in between her words. I could never really make out the words but I figured it was about my dad.
She would come out of the room after, wearing makeup she hardly wore before with one of her fake smiles. She tried so hard to make everything seem normal; she even started buying my favourite candy whenever she came from work. But this time, I would throw it into the trash without her knowing. I wanted nothing that would remind me of the moments only dad and I shared.

   The day I saw dad slap mum was on my 13th birthday. He'd been around off and on for weeks and I was already used to it that I no longer waited for him for dinner. I was a little surprised to see him that day when I got back from school. He was playing ludo with Ayo in the living room. He looked up towards me with a warm smile and sang a birthday song for me thereafter. For a moment it was like everything was back to normal. I felt that God had probably answered my prayers about bringing the family back together, that was the best birthday gift I could think of.
We had dinner that night as a family and I had not been that happy in a long, long while.
Ayo and I went to the kitchen to do the dishes, and soon we started hearing my parents' voices which soon turned into shouts.
Mum was crying and shouting at the same time.
I heard her say, "Femi why would you do this to me? If you do not care about me, what of your children?"
I was shocked by the sudden turn in the situation.
I sent Ayo to his room upstairs to his room while I walked towards the living room to my parents.
"Mum, dad...please stop fighting", I said sobbing.
They didn't seem to recognize my presence and before I knew it, my dad had raised his hands to give mum a slap across her face. I was shocked to my bones. Never would have I imagined that my dad would do such a thing to my mum, not even to anyone else.
At that point, every love I had for him began to fade. I could not imagine this man who dared to hurt my mum as the father I once loved and cherished deeply.
I remember breaking down in profuse tears that day, while I watched dad leave without saying a single word to us. Mum on the other hand was on the floor, crying and pleading for him to return. He didn't look back for a second as he disappeared out of sight into the night.

      Soon days turned into weeks, and weeks into years and I knew for a fact that he wasn't coming back. To be honest, at a point I wasn't even expecting him anymore. We quickly realised that we had to move on and start getting used to life without him. It wasn't the least easy though.
Just that year, it was as though I grew from a child to an adult already. As the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I had to be strong for mum and my brother who barely understood what had happened in our lives.

     Warm tears fell down my cheeks.
I couldn't deny the fact that I was still carrying so much hurt inside me. I know the Bible says we should forgive and I've tried to despite everything but I could never actually bring myself to do so. Those memories were still as fresh as the morning dew.
"God please take away this hurt I feel inside", I prayed still crying.
"I'm still so angry at dad and I know I shouldn't be, but I don't know how. I'm afraid of being hurt by anyone again; I want you to take over my heart and heal every pain."
I buried my head between my thighs as I sat on the floor. A feeling of relief swept over me, it was as though a huge burden had been lifted off my chest. I knew God had heard me and He would help me find a place in my heart to forgive my dad someday.

Teni is hurt and afraid to love because of her bad experience with her parents' marriage.

No one at all deserves to endure an abusive relationship, we deserve to be treated with love and respect.

Hopefully Teni is able to scale through all she's feeling now!

Please leave a comment, I'd really love your feedback!

From DrDamsel💗💗💗