Lifeline

Chapter 5; Thank you.

"Heartfelt appreciation is sometimes very difficult to convey..." By N. Joy

Continuation of 3 years ago... 4 months later...
~~~
"Ken, Belinda is in the hospital." Came Liv's hushed voice through the phone.

"What?" I shouted. It had been a month since my break up with Luke. Throughout my depression and therapy I really hadn't been by her side.

"She's in labour Ken," she continued

"What??" I shouted again "she's not due yet. Still has 8 or so weeks left" I was now pacing about.

"Come down to the hospital Ken, she wants to see you."

"I'm on my way Liv." I tell her as I hang up not even waiting for her response. I rush to the bathroom in my new apartment.
I had moved into this apartment immediately after I finished therapy. I'd wanted to move away from all the hurt Luke had caused me.

I was still in my pyjamas when I got into my car and sped off. I didn't care about appearance now. Belinda was the only thing on my mind.

When Belinda's pregnancy had hit the 5 month mark, I'd discovered she had preeclampsia also known as toxemia. This had weakened her kidney function as well as raised her blood pressure. I'd been monitoring her carefully, but I couldn't help the guilt that set in as I thought about the previous month.

I'd been torn over my break up with Luke and had completely disregarded her.

Without realizing, I'd arrived the hospital. I made a run to Belinda's room but was met with the pain stricken sight of Liv.

The look on her face told me I was late. Her tears and her red eyes were visible from a mile away.

The nurses around all bore a sullen look. The look of loss.

I couldn't believe it. I needed some kind of affirmation to quench my horrid thoughts.

I stepped toward Liv and she immediately fell into my arms confirming my thoughts.

"Belinda's gone. She's gone Ken. She left us," she cried "I can't believe she gave up. Why her? I don't understand. I just- " she stopped and cried even more.

I couldn't comprehend the events which took place after. I just know I fell into a heap on the floor with Liv in my arms.

Luke had torn me apart. I hadn't fully recovered and Belinda just shattered what was left. I'd considered her my sister, my parents accepted her as their daughter. How would they feel once word got to them?

People surrounded us while my thoughts kept on getting louder and more horrid till I remembered something.

" The baby..." I asked though it wasn't really a question.

I didn't realize they had sat me down on one of the waiting chairs. It only occurred to me when Liv held my hand in hers while sniffling.

"She survived, such a tiny little thing. She's two pounds, 14.1inches in length ,9.8inches as head circumference and very premature. She's in the NICU." Neonatal intensive care unit.

I nodded. Belinda had left her baby girl. Why would she do that?
I didn't know when I was on my feet and marching towards Belinda's door. All I could feel was anger and the distinct rush of adrenaline. Liv called out to me but I was far gone.

I barged into her room and found her sickly pale body still in bed, eyes closed and puffy as an indication of the pain she went through.

I hadn't cried since I got the news, I didn't understand why but now, I did. My brain had refused to believe she was gone. I was livid now and I couldn't help myself, so I did the next best thing.

I shouted, sobbed and shook her lifeless body before me..

"Sis," I cried " you have to wake up. How can you leave your baby alone. How could you bring her into this cruel world and leave her on her own, how could you leave me??" I cried even more. My tears adorned her body and I shook her even more.

"You have to wake up," I sobbed "you just have to." I sobbed harder and fell to the floor now accepting she was truly gone. I'd lost her. Most importantly, a baby had lost her mother.

Nurses rushed into the room and held me. They dragged Belinda's body out of the room, probably to the morgue. I'd lost her.

~~~
It had been over an hour since my crying episode and I was currently in Kenna's office, a pediatrician and good friend of mine. She was in charge of Belinda's baby.

"Kendra, I know you've lost a sister" she begun "I can't understand how you feel but I know you have to be strong" I knew what was coming next. She was about to explain the cause of Belinda's death.

I nodded as an indication for her to go on.
"Well, we both knew in the first three months of her pregnancy, she'd been unaware and ignorant which led to many complications." She paused and I nodded again.

"Last night, her blood pressure was extremely high and we'd almost lost both her and the baby . Fortunately, she was stabilised, but this morning, her BP rose again and both her kidneys failed due to her toxemia. We induced labour so we could save the baby. I won't lie to you. She was strong. She tried her best. I'd offered a Cesarean section (CS) but she refused. Her words were 'I want to go through this for my baby. It's my way of apologising', so I'd let her but," she sighed "once the baby was out her heart stopped completely as well as other organs. She couldn't handle labour. She wouldn't have survived even if she tried." She paused again to let the information sink in.

I was shocked. Her organs had failed. Even if she'd gone through with the CS she would have probably died days after. Tears threatened to fall but I denied them the opportunity.

"Before, we induced labour, Belinda had kept something for you." She opened her drawer and removed a folded piece of paper with my name on it. She handed it over to me and I immediately recognized Belinda's handwriting as I opened it...

Kendra, my sister. Indeed you were. If you're reading this, then i probably didn't make it but hopefully my baby did. You welcomed me with open arms as a part of your family. You took care of both my baby and I for nothing in return. Thank you very much. I really can't afford to give you anything but you should know I love you wholeheartedly.

I know I won't be able to survive this. I never thought I'll know when my death was so close but it's really imminent. I want my baby to live. I want my baby to have a mother and it can't be me.

This is why, I'm asking a huge favour from you. I can't ask anyone else because only you can do this. I don't have family and I know what it's like to live from foster home to foster home. Please, I don't want my baby to grow up in the system. For this reason, I have listed you as my next of kin and a permissible guardian for my baby. I know it's a big request but I know you already love her like your own.

Matt and I will help you from above though we both know you'll do a good job.

I love you so much. I love my baby so much too. She was the reason I kept on fighting. I'm sorry I couldn't be in her life. Please don't tell her about me. You'll understand why later on.
This is good bye Ken. I love you.

Finally, I have a last wish. I'd like to name my daughter. I know you'll be her mother when she's finally here but I want to leave her with the only gift I can think of. A name.

Kendra, take care of her. She's yours now. Her name,
EMILY CARA WILSON.

Goodbye sis. Thank you.

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Love Joy.