I NEED YOU NOW||KNJ||✔️

Chapter 23 (Mon, Dez 25, 2017)

After eating a delicious meal in the evening, Ashley and I went to Ashley's room, where we lazily flopped into the beanbags that were standing in a corner. I was so sated that I almost fell asleep. We were just silent for a few minutes, all our energy was needed to digest.

But my mind remembered me of a question I always had wanted to ask Ashley. I thought a while, trying to find out how to put my words.

"Why... why are you always so happy? You always seem like the happiest person on earth. You seem as if there were no hardships in your whole life. Everyone is your friend and you are wise and have so much experience. How can you be so content with not only everything around you, but also yourself?", I asked.

She thought very long before answering me. "I had been very ill when I was sixteen years old."

She swallowed hard and I could see that it was not easy for her to recall her memories. "I had to stay in the hospital for a lot of time because I was too weak. I could not remember a time when I felt healthy." She took a shaky breath. "My heart didn't work right, because I had a heart valve defect. I had always felt a little bit pain in my chest when I made sport, but I didn't think that it would be relevant. One day in school I was doing sport. The next second I woke up in the hospital with an oxygen mask on my face. The doctor told me that my heart didn't work right. I got a lot of operations, now I have an artificial heart valve. Until this day I have to take a lot of pills, so that my body won't reject it." She pulled down the hem of the pullover she wore and I could see a long scar on her skin at the place where her heart was beating under. Then she continued.

"I was too weak and caught a lung inflammation. All in all I spent approximately two and a half years in the hospital. I had a teacher there who helped me to get through the school years.

When I came home, I was better physically, but not mentally. I had a hard time to accept myself. You have to know that after the time in hospital, I didn't look like the old me. I was reduced to a skeleton and had trouble to do what I did before. For example, I had been very athletic. Sport had always been my passion. But after the long time in hospital, there were no muscles left in my body and I had to favor myself. So I just was at home, laying in my bed all the time. And I started to think of me as worthless. I became depressed." She started to sob and I pulled her into a hug, being able to fully understand the feeling of being worthless. I thought just the same of myself.

After a lot of time, she managed to calm down a bit, or at least suppress her sobs. "I thought of taking an overdose on painkillers. I had planed to take the painkiller at night, so that my parents won't notice it. But then I came across of this music video. To escape the hard reality, I had spent very much time in the internet these days. The video was from a K-pop band called BTS. In their songs, they seemed to describe my own problems. Their lyrics comforted me. I listened to all of their songs and even if I can't understand Korean, I read the translations in the internet. Since then, I have been an A.R.M.Y., a fan of them." She smiled with tears in her eyes. "They taught me how to face myself and accept and love myself with all my flaws."

She pointed to the posters on the wall. "Those people are BTS. RM, Jin, V, SUGA, J-Hope, Jimin and Jungkook."

I looked at the handsome smiling men at the posters. They seemed friendly and I wanted to give their music a listen as soon as I would be home. If the music had been able to change Ashley's way of thinking of herself and comforted her, maybe it could help me too.

She looked at me. "I knew that you also have problems like low self-esteem and depression, because I also was like that. And since I saw you for the first time, I wanted to help you to overcome it."

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It was already dark when I came back from the house of Ashley's family, even though it was still very early in the evening. I was able to admire the stars that were shining in the dark night sky. They sparkled in different colors. Suddenly a shooting star flew right above me and I looked at it stunned. I closed my eyes and made a wish.

It wasn't a complicated or detailed wish I made. I just wished for happiness and love.

My stomach was full and I was tired, but for me it had been one of the happiest days in my whole life. Ashley was just so unbelievably lucky to have a family like this, who genuinely cared about her and loved her. And her story was truly interesting and inspiring. It was amazing how she had been able to change her way of thinking about herself. How was the K-pop grouped called again? BTS?

I searched it in the internet and read the Wikipedia article. Apparently they debuted in 2013 as a seven member group under Big Hit Entertainment. They addressed social issues in their songs but also thematized mental health, troubles of school-age youth, loss, the journey towards loving oneself, and individualism.

There was also a picture of the men. The one who was called V was the most ethereal person I had ever seen. His beauty seemed not to be from this world.

The one called J-hope was a literal sunshine, his smile being extremely contagious.

The one called Jin had plumb lips and wide shoulders, which let him completely slay beauty standards and let him be the most handsome.

The one called SUGA had soft cheeks but somehow his jaw line was very sharp. Even if he had very beautiful and cute looks, he emitted swag vibes.

The one called Jungkook had huge doe eyes with galaxies sparkling in them. He managed to look absolutely cute and mature and the same time.

The one called Jimin had plump lips and looked like a fairy, but also very attractive. He seemed as if he knew that.

But the leader, who was called RM, stood out the most to me. He was very tall with beautiful and elegant body proportions. His long legs seemed to never end and he had an interesting clothing style.

And don't even get me started with his face! He had beautiful plumb lips and a small nose, soft looking and flawless skin in the shade of caramel. His facial features, like his almond shaped eyes practically screamed 'Intellectual!' and he was so attractive that I couldn't stop staring at pictures of him. I was smiling like an idiot the whole time while watching the pictures, especially when I saw him smiling, because he was just too cute to exist. When he was smiling, the most prominent thing in his face were his dimples, something I've always had a predilection for. How could someone like this exist?

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1266 words

I like this chapter so much! Hopefully I made you fall in love with Ashley. She has such a tragic past, but she overcame her depressions with BTS and now she even made Victoria an ARMY! I'm amazed by how this happens in reality, that BTS teach and help people to accept and love theirselves, even if horrible things happened in their past!

And also: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TAEHYUNG! 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜Whoa, our baby bear is already 24 years old! He is an amazing actor, has great vocal skills (his deep voice but also his great high notes give me goosebumps), he is really talented and stunning. He can be really mature, but two seconds later, he is such a cutie and my heart explodes and I'm uwuing all the time☺️. Let's appreciate this day! Happy Taehyung-Day everyone!🥰

Thank you for reading my book, it means so much to me. I purple you!!!💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜