I Need You To Fix Me (A Sebastian Stan Story) Book 2

Vow

A/N: Dedicated to @persephonestarr

Disclaimer: I do not own schumann or Amy Winehouse I do own my OC and plotline.

One Month Later.

I'm lying in his arms, unable to sleep due to the howling wind beyond the window. I can hear the rain beating against my, our, home. I hate rain, I hate the sound of it pouring, it frightens me. It obstructs me from being able to stare at the stars in the night sky. Stupid rain.

My mind is restless, not just because of the rain but also because I'm still worried about how fragile my boyfriend is. It has been a month since he went into hospital and it has been one week since he has come to live with me. I wanted to keep Sebastian close by and since I own the bigger habitat, it was only rational that he lives with me instead of vice versa. I am grateful to have his presence nearby, yet I feel so far away from him. I feel like our relationship is unstable since his "episode".

I spoke to Doctor Miles about how to comfort Sebastian. He asked me what I did when I needed comfort and support. My answer was...

...I look at the stars and listen to Amy Winehouse. It is my answer for everything.

Doctor Miles asked if Sebastian likes either of those things. I know that Sebastian likes the stars, which is why I have stuck lots of glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling in various constellations. He doesn't like Amy Winehouse, but I know that he does like various classical music compositions, preferrably by Schumann.

So, every night, I put on a classical music CD and Sebastian and I fall asleep to it. Except that I cannot sleep.

As I lie in his arms, I realise that I want to make sure Sebastian never ends up in hospital again and that I never have to visit him there again. I hate hospitals and I am sure he does too. He needs to feel loved constantly, so that's what I am going to do. I am going to love him until all the hurt and pain has vanished from his mind. We both may be broken but maybe I am the one who can fix us both.

I wrap my arms around his muscular frame, leaning my head in his shoulder, admiring his perfect profile. "I am going to be the one to heal us both, Sebby. I promise we'll no longer be broken. I promise."

He remains asleep, unaware of my promise.

XOX

The next morning, I wake up early. According to my digital alarm clock, it's six o'clock, which means I have only had three hours sleep. I fall back into my pillows, I cannot survive a whole day without only three hours of sleep. I turn my head to look at Sebastian, he is lying on his back, staring at the ceiling. He notices me staring and turns his head to look at ne. I smile, as does he. It's a comforting gesture, yet it feels so hollow. I know that he still feels ashamed that he never told me the extent of his troubled past. I have forgiven him for not doing so. Chris told me everything, it is no longer a secret between us both. Sebastian already knows of my past, my tainted past.

XOX

My name is Valerian Contance Ramona Cassanova and I am suffering with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. My family died in a car accident. I miss them. Every. Single. Day. My ex-boyfriend used to beat me. I am no longer with him anymore, he's in jail now. Thank goodness. I have been visiting Doctor Miles everyday for two years after I had a nervous breakdown in the middle of Starbucks. I was working myself too much at the office I worked at. I like sitting on the back lawn of my house and looking up at the stars. A bit like Hazel Grace. I like to lose myself in their glow and vastness. My favourite song is Valerie by Amy Winehouse, I listen to it everyday on my iPod whenever I feel overwhelmed. I like stars and I love my boyfriend, Sebastian Stan.

XOX

I whisper those words to him as we lie there. I remind him everyday that he is not alone and that he has me to talk to. He always replies 'I know' but I don't feel as if he does.

Sebastian is back in weekly therapy. He hates the fact that he has relapsed but he's attending every session, just like I am seeing Dr Miles every two weeks.

I am making steady progress. Starbucks was the first hurdle I conquered, building a relationship with Sebastian was the next and now it is trying to be completely commited to our relationship, which I am trying desperately to do.

As I stare at him now, I see such sadness in his eyes, it makes my heart break in two. I feel his arm snake around my waist and draw me to him. It is only then that I realise I am crying.

He holds me so gently, as if I am going to break but he is the fragile one who needs my support. I cling to him as if he is the most precious thing to me in the world, which he is. I whisper words to him with such urgency, I don't even know if they're comprehendable.

That's when he says the words that I so needed to hear from him. I thought that I had forgiven Sebastian, but when he starts talking, I realise that deep down, I really did need to hear him say them.

"My name is Sebastian Stan and I am suffering with depression. I have been suffering with it my whole life but it was only on the set of Captain America 2 that things became unbearable. I recently had another episode which was so bad, I ended up as an inpatient. I am now back in weekly therapy, which I hate but am attending because I never want my girlfriend to have to visit me in hospital ever again. I like sitting on the back lawn of her house with her and looking up at the stars. I like stars and I love my girlfriend, Valerian Cassanova."

His words mean so much to me. Now, we have no secrets between us. It may not have been a declaration of love but it was the next best thing, the truth.

A/N: SO, THINGS SEEM TO BE GOING RIGHT FOR SALERIAN NOW. MAYBE IT IS TIME FOR VALERIAN TO MEET SEB'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS. DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNNN.

QUESTION OF THE DAY: IF YOU WANT TO BE MARRIED/ENGAGED/DATING CHRIS EVANS, BE THE FIRST TO COMMENT A REVIEW OF AWKWARD GUYS ALWAYS GET THE GIRL!