Heartbeat pulsing slow in my ears Ocean with all light silenced shut Every noise and sound's been cut Do you hear me?
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Days drowned on, filling her heart with a void but at the same time she felt the raging of emotions swirling inside her.
Wanting the scream, shout- cry. She wanted to drown herself in the sea of happiness but she couldn't find it. Aimlessly filling her time with empty words and forced smiles.
She felt stupid, why was she feeling this over a boy? He was just someone in her life right? Just another passing memory.
But why did it hurt so much?
The seat besides her in art class was empty and now she was the loner at the back of the class, drawing profusely in her sketchbook.
It was him, she drew him.
Jieun didn't realize she was crying until a splash of her tear rolled onto the drawing of him, landing on his hand she had drawn.
He used to wipe her tears, but now he left her alone- alone in her head full of thoughts she couldn't suppress.
Her head spun with the memories of him, the sound of his laughter, his cries, his voice. The way his arm would be linked through hers- the way his lips pressed onto hers.
But that was only once, once but she wished it wasn't. If she could do anything, she would hold onto him tighter, fought harder- she wanted him back.
But now, 6 months down the line she had lost herself in the flurry of distractions, not giving herself time to resonate with anything but it was too far gone that she couldn't even see the light ahead of her.
She had given up.
"Why can't you be like Mark? What's wrong with you Jieun! Get a grip please you're not a child anymore!"
"What do you want me to do! What should I do, tell me? I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment to you Mum." Jieun muttered, sliding past her and out of the house, ignoring her calls.
"I'm sorry for being me." Jieun whispered to herself as the wind hit her, blowing past her hair as rain began to fall. "Sorry I couldn't make you stay Renjun, I'm sorry for not loving you sooner."
Without even realising it, the girl had wound up alone at the bridge- tears uncontrollably falling and heart clenching.
"What's wrong with me?" She cried out, turning her head to see a white telephone box next to the bridge.
Feeling upset? Please call this number, we will help.
"You mean suicidal?" She scoffed, rolling her eyes. "What will you do? Bring him back?" She spat out bitterly, running a hand through her hair.
Every moment seemed like eternity and she couldn't bring herself to tell anyone. Feeling like she was overdramatic for having these thoughts.
Yeah I think I'm goin' deeper I keep losing focus No, just let go of me Sinking slowly like in a trance Struggle but it's all ocean floor
"Are you out there?" She murmured through her tears. "Are you happy? Did you find someone who could make you happier?" She whispered, leaning her head on her arms that was situated on the railing, wind blowing through her hair.
"Do you think of me, of us?" She sniffled, her voice louder but becoming thick with emotion. "Do you still love me?"
"I never stopped loving you."
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Listening to black swan got me in my feels man
I was low-key gonna have her try kill herself but like that's how all my book goes oop we know who has some dark thoughts. Pfft definitely not me
Anyway 🤣🤣 But in all seriousness if you feel upset or anything come to me I'll listen ❤️
